To think this man shouldn't have called my dd "nasty"?

[kando]

DD1 had a hospital appointment today so not having anyone who could look after the other 2 dds, we all had to go. We are sitting in the waiting room (the only ones there) when a man and his little girl come in. My 3 are all playing, dd3 (2.5) was playing up a bit (she's a bit of a screamer when she doesn't get her own way) The man and his little girl stay for a little while then they wander off, then the little girl comes back in on her own. She goes to the toy section where my dds are playing, all fine, then the little girl starts crying and I turn round to see dd3 pinching the little girl in the mouth I immediately told dd3 off and told her to say sorry to the little girl, and also said sorry to her. The man comes in, gets his little girl then says "Come on, let's get away from these nasty children". So I said, "excuse me, please don't call my children nasty" and went to sit back down with dd3. He then comes back into the waiting room without his dd, comes up to me quite closely and said that I should control my children, that I should get a babysitter and leave them at home if I can't control them, and that he could hear dd3 screaming earlier. I said, she's only 2.5 and I can't control her voice, if he could suggest a way to get dd3 to stop screaming, short of gagging her, I'd be more than happy for him to tell me. He said if he could control is kids, then I should be able to control mine. Then he stormed off. I could hear his partner saying to him "leave it, leave it" but he came storming back through saying that his dd was bleeding and had a scratch. I said that I was sorry about that, and that I'd cut her nails when I got home. He went off again, then came back through with his dd and said "look at the state of her face". I was upset to see what my dd3 had done, and told her that I was sorry dd had hurt her, and asked dd3 to say sorry to the little girl again, which she did. He was much calmer when he came back through with his dd, but I felt very intimidated by him.

I appreciate that he was upset at what had happened to his dd, as was I, but did he really need to call her "nasty"? Is a 2.5 year old capable of being "nasty" rather than naughty? I'm still feeling very shaken up by this.

I know Kando
I am not suggesting you did anything wrong.
I am just saying that his daughter was hurt and he was venting.
Of course it was unpleasant for you and that is unfair. But i don't think it makes him a horrible man either.

I also find it interesting that a thread about a woman apparently being really rude to her child in starbucks was greeted by a tidal wave of prostest from people saying 'perhaps she was stressed' ' how dare you judge from that snapshot'.
But a man who is angry and upset because his daughter is bitten and bleeding is apparently terrifying his partner and a consumate bully.

Sometimes i think you can do anything at all on this site and gain support except be male

p.s. anyone who calls a 2.5 yr old 'nasty' is thick.

My guess is that, when he called your child nasty, he was speaking for the benefit of his own daughter and using words that she would understand to show her that he knew what had happened and was defending her. Children need to see their parents taking their side, and that's probably what he thought he was doing. His choice of word was wrong, but he was obviously very upset that his daughter had been hurt to the point that she was bleeding.

I don't think anyone is suggesting that the father is unreasonable for being upset at the incident.

He was unreasonable to drag the whole thing on though, and to make critical comments about the OP's parenting.

It's not as if kando had failed to react to the incident.

I don't know what more a 2.5 year old could be expected to do to make amends - she'd already apologised.

Children hurt each other sometimes.

This man over-reacted, and behaved badly.

Jimjams - let's hope her scratching phase is now over. She starts pre-school soon, and I'm dreading exactly that happening to the kids there too. She's gone through a phase of pushing and has pinched her sisters and myself before. The joys of 2 year olds - gah!

HAd the man just vented and left, he would have just been an angry bloke venting, but to keep going back, that was unreasonable and intimidating.

pagwatch, my responses on this thread would have been the same had the mother behaved in the same way as the father.

I would not take issue with him calling your children nasty. I agree with Shitehawk totally, I have whisked my boys away from children who have hurt them, while their mums have been busy smoking a fag and nattering away and just generally NOT supervised the kids, saying stuff like "come on ds, lets leave, these children are not very nice" or "come ds, lets go and play away from these badly behaved kids". It is NOT to be nasty, but to acknowledge to my OWN child that the behaviour of the other children is acceptable, and to know that this is not behaviour he should put up with.

But afterwards, he went a bit OTT. He should have supervised his own child. But equally, if you take three kids to hospital you need to keep a vigilant eye on all three.

I do agree you escalated things. If any of the mums had voiced their anger at me calling their children badly behaved, I would have blown a fuse totally. Actually, I think I am retracting my previous post, thinking about it.

Would the man have kept on going back if your husband had been with you? Doubt it. He's a prick, like I said. Forget him!

humphreyCushion.
I am reassured. You are an equal oppertunity poster

Kando, you say "She's gone through a phase of pushing and has pinched her sisters and myself before." Yet you did not supervise her more closely?

I also suspect he doesn;t spend much time around 2.5 yr old childrne. IME parents who do the rounds of playgroups/soft play etc are much more aware of normal toddler behaviour and have often seen their DC's being "naughty" so are much more tolerant of others injuring thier own.

A little boy in the playground scratched DS's cheeck on Monday and his parents were mortified, my reaction was (after checking he was OK) "you used to do very similar things to other children, he is frustrated and wants what you're playing with but he didn't really mean to hurt you". I may have reacted a bit more harshly if he was more injured but no I don;t think I would describe a 2.5 yr old as being nasty even if they had drawn blood.

It's horrible when your DC's hurt someone but IME most mothers are understanding of the difficult phases childrne go through.

(I did find it much harder to be phlegmatic when a 5 yr old did a similar thing to DS, but perhaps thats because I don't have a 5 yr olf yet!)

Oh yes, quite happy to judge the behaviour of random strangers, irrespective of gender.

Oh come on!@QS. Have you ever waited in a busy waiting room with three kids? I had a physio appt last week and I struggled with just my boisterous 3 yr old DS.

if you have a biting/pushing/screaming/scratching 2 yr old its hard to stay within arms reach of them at all times. As I know to my cost and mortification on the upside it has made me more understanding of others in the same position (it was nice to be on the receiving end for a change (IYSWIM))

QS - we were the only ones in the waiting room, they were playing directly behind me.

Kando, you should forget it now. YOu were just in the wrong place at the wrong time. I'm sure he would have reacted that way whoever it was. It wasn't personal, he doesn't know you, and thankfully, you don't have to live with him. Now have a drink to calm your nerves and forget it.

I don't think he was wrong in using the word nasty as it was nasty.
but to come back and have a go like that was ott.

I think you should have taken the 'nasty' comment on the chin, kando. If you hadn't replied, I doubt the man would have come back.

'That two year old was really nasty for scratching you, sweetie-precious, but I, a grown man, am not nasty for ranting at a woman with three kids in a hospital waiting room in a fuck wit fashion...'

Please. What a hypocrite.

Agree - forget him and move on!

Well he used the word nasty cos, sorry, it was.

He was angry - I would have been too tbh.

I can understand why he wanted to have his say, but he should have left it at just the once.

How can a 2 yr old be nasty? I'm genuinely puzzled by this!