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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that MN is too cliquey for me?

139 replies

foxessmelltheirownholes · 27/08/2008 11:14

I've been on this thing for a month or so, i started off quite enthusiasticly posting all over the place but for the last week or so I've been a 'silent observer', because I've lost heart.

Whenever I've posted either a) post ignored completely. Even if what I've said is echoed by an 'old timer' a few posts later, its the old timer that gets acknowledged not me. End up thinking why do I bother offering advice??
b)Threads die a horrible death

This was really noticable on the 'profile update' thread when I was busy telling everyone how beautiful their kids are etc only to receive "oh, yes thanks for that" but no mention of my beautiful darlings (however no biggie - cos I really don't need reassurance that they are beautiful cos they truly are just stunning!!) However I do think its just common courtesy to respond the compliment.

That said, occasionally I have had some nice responses, to which I've shown gratitude at the time, but sadly they have been very rare.

I just wanted to bring this up so that all you old timers are aware that some of you can be pretty cliquey and please can you start welcoming and acknowledging the newbies a bit more.

I've changed my name, BTW.
MN NEWBIES EVERYWHERE UNITE!!!!

OP posts:
Tnoog · 27/08/2008 11:48

you always get a response if you post on the Word Game

always handy if you feel very ignored and desperate

Pinkjenny · 27/08/2008 11:48

I love MN. And I am proud of my thread-killing tendencies as I have the warm bosom of my May 07 Post-natal group to return to.

ghosty · 27/08/2008 11:49

She doesn't know who Justine is

Justine is Mumsnet.

PuppyMonkey · 27/08/2008 11:49

I'm always getting ingored. But I continue posting all the same.

I said...

I'm always getting ingored. But I continue posting all the same.

zippitippitoes · 27/08/2008 11:49

my thats a bitter tone of a post there fox

ghosty · 27/08/2008 11:50
LackaDAISYcal · 27/08/2008 11:51

oh FFS......Of all the posters on this thread, I don't know any of them from Adam...except bouncing turtle as I have met her in RL ....but recognise some of the names. the way you are banging on you'd think we were all texting each other saying "lets be mean to the newbie"

If this is you attitude then perhaps internet forums aren't your thing?

and honestly, if you think this is mean and aggressive, you really haven't been on MN very long.

ranting · 27/08/2008 11:52

Piss off to Netmums then, there they will be all nicey nicey to your face, whilst knifing a wax effigy of you, here we're more 'upfront' about these things.

BlingLovin · 27/08/2008 11:52

I'm new too but am clearly less sensitive as I think it's entirely normal to be ignored, and get all excited if I think someone may have laughed at somethng I've said.

Frankly though, if you think these posts were aggressive, you should go read a couple of other threads. I was very impressed with (what I assume is) the "in" crowd's restraint to your original message.

CvQ · 27/08/2008 11:52
Mamazon · 27/08/2008 11:52

so your too busey to Mn but you want everyone to notice when you arrive.

well hello hunni, your basicly sitting in an online stadium filled with witty articulate people.

im afraid you just dont stand out.

but hey, dont let us keep you from your oh so interesting real life.
just a little heads up before you go, if you want to make friends, its probably not a good idea to come and insult them all by implying they are all emotionally stunted and have no life outside of cyber world.

KayHarker · 27/08/2008 11:53

After being on enforced absence, coming back, I really notice the tendency of some to post 'trip trap' on every slightly out of the ordinary thread started by someone with only a few posts or a new name. I can well imagine that being rather off-putting and come across as cliqueyness.

I'm not cliquey, though. All my very special friends would agree with me.

BlingLovin · 27/08/2008 11:53

Darn it. That entire last sentence is ruined. This is what it was supposed to say,

Frankly though, if you think these posts were aggressive, you should go read a couple of other threads. I was very impressed with (what I assume is - haha -) the "in" crowd's restraint to your original message.

Can you see the subtle difference?

Kewcumber · 27/08/2008 11:54

foxes - I posted on that profile thread and you didn;t say how divine my DS is. Are you part of a clique trying to ignore me.

As a percentage very few posts are individually acknowledged - there are just far too many. Otherwise threads would be full of "oh thanks" "how lovely "oh thanks" "thats lovely" etc ad nauseum. Wrong site if thats what you want. People do tend to respond more the names they recognise, thats the way of the world. The only way to become more recognised is to keep posting under the same name for a while.

Yours in a west london clique
Kewcumber

PS - the last post is NOT a thread killer - its having the last word.

twinsetandpearls · 27/08/2008 11:54

I have 2 unanswered threads at the moment ( you bitches I want to sob at the rejection ) it happens to us all.

I have been here since 2002 and have never felt in the middle of things but it does not really bother me. This site does move much faster now you need to post for longer to establish yourself.

Mamazon · 27/08/2008 11:54

no Ghosty WE are mumsnet.

Justine is just the landlord

zippitippitoes · 27/08/2008 11:54

actually it is a bit puzzling so you joined up a month ago and now you dont come on much

i think its not surprising you havent made friends yet

basically mn is like life

you only reap what you sow

put more effort in and you will like it better

or accept thast you are not really going to do more than dip a toe in occasionally and so wont really be mns most popular

CvQ · 27/08/2008 11:55

lackadaisycal didnt you receive that text then

BouncingTurtle · 27/08/2008 11:55

KayHarker - actually I have seen that - I ended up defending a male poster who was been jumped on a couple of weeks back.

CVQ - good to see you back, hope you are ok

PuppyMonkey · 27/08/2008 11:56

Ignores ghosty too.

My top tip fpor a Newbie is to post on Baby Names thread. It cheers you up.

twinsetandpearls · 27/08/2008 11:56

Can I repeat that I have unanswered threads

zippitippitoes · 27/08/2008 11:56

i have an unanswered thread too

i usually have lol

CvQ · 27/08/2008 11:57

twinsetandpearls have you got any unanswered threads????

LittleMyDancing · 27/08/2008 11:57

yet again, only the 'robust' posts are acknowledged.

you know, foxes, if you only react to the bad stuff on here, then

a) you probably will think it's cliquey
b) you will piss off the people who went out of their way to be nice

lots of people were very pleasant to you on this thread, me included, and you haven't acknowledged them. just gone off in a rage.

Should they all flounce off saying you're part of a big clique?

Or just move on to a different thread?

BroccoliSpears · 27/08/2008 11:57

It's all about approach. You arrive at mumsnet for the first time and pause in awe of the frightening mass of shrieking hormonal women who all seem to know each other and have in jokes and cliques and stuff.

Do you

(a) stand politely waiting for someone to say OH MY GOD it's YOU!! Thank GOD you're here. Come and be our best friend.

or

(b) Elbow your way in and start shrieking hormonally getting to know people, offering advice, chatting and enjoying yourself.