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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that MN is too cliquey for me?

139 replies

foxessmelltheirownholes · 27/08/2008 11:14

I've been on this thing for a month or so, i started off quite enthusiasticly posting all over the place but for the last week or so I've been a 'silent observer', because I've lost heart.

Whenever I've posted either a) post ignored completely. Even if what I've said is echoed by an 'old timer' a few posts later, its the old timer that gets acknowledged not me. End up thinking why do I bother offering advice??
b)Threads die a horrible death

This was really noticable on the 'profile update' thread when I was busy telling everyone how beautiful their kids are etc only to receive "oh, yes thanks for that" but no mention of my beautiful darlings (however no biggie - cos I really don't need reassurance that they are beautiful cos they truly are just stunning!!) However I do think its just common courtesy to respond the compliment.

That said, occasionally I have had some nice responses, to which I've shown gratitude at the time, but sadly they have been very rare.

I just wanted to bring this up so that all you old timers are aware that some of you can be pretty cliquey and please can you start welcoming and acknowledging the newbies a bit more.

I've changed my name, BTW.
MN NEWBIES EVERYWHERE UNITE!!!!

OP posts:
QOD · 27/08/2008 11:26

i mostly read for those very reasons! However, I have found that the longer you are here reading, ie over a period of time, you kind of get to "know" peoples style, and realise that they are not always quite as mnasty as they sound!
SOme people just seem like bullies though.
This is my 7th yr on the net, the first group I have found alone so not being brought in by soneone means its harder to establish yourself too.

Good luck!

LackaDAISYcal · 27/08/2008 11:27

i was about to post, I'm on here all the time but habve never seen your name, when I see you have changed it. How will we know who you were posting as and whether we had been nice or not if you are not posting in that name?

MN is huuuuge. Yes there are posters who know each other, either online or have met as a result of MN

I've been here for nearly three years and post far too fecking much lots and know lots of folks including "old timers" (whatever they are) as well as those who only post on some of the quichey threads I'm on (AN/PN/BF/nappies etc), and it's only now that I think I'm reasonably well known, and my posts are often still ignored (and no-one said how lovely my DCs were on the profile page thingy...ah well)

and it would surprise you that some very well known, prolific posters are actually relative newbies themselves in MN terms. You just have to jump in with both feet, develop a thick skin and give as good as you get

Welcome to MN.....whoever you are

BouncingTurtle · 27/08/2008 11:28

'MN NEWBIES EVERYWHERE UNITE!!!!'

This would be a clique. So you have contradicted yourself.

I think you are seeing things that aren't really there, and if it is a bit cliquey, well so what?
Some threads move so quickly that people only have time to skim before responding, and I'm sure you are far from the only poster who doesn't get their posts replied to!
As others have said though certain posters will get responded to more because they post much more prolifically or have a certain recognisable style (eg. Cod).

Just chill, enjoy and quit with the name changing!

zippitippitoes · 27/08/2008 11:28

but everyone has unanswered threads i have them all the time

and threads where it gets past 200 posts and no one noticed that i hadnt posted lol

it depends how interested people are

and tbh sheer volume if you start threads moaing then you will get posts but you might not get a warm glow

tho strangely it is a tactic that does work for some

hate your name by the way its rank

Purplepillow · 27/08/2008 11:30

Echo what was being said earlier, name changing does NOT help.

People have to get used to seeing a name and if you name change all the time no-one will know who the hell you are.

And to be honest a month or so is a very short time imo, I've been here over a year and people are still geting to know me

So just chill and keep on posting

thebecster · 27/08/2008 11:31

Do you feel better now you've started a thread that's at the top of 'Active Convos'

I think you're asking for too much validation from a bunch of strangers. Some people on here are friends with each other in RL. Some have history from years of posting together, or from having similar interests or outlooks. I don't really know anyone on MN, and am not a particularly remarkable person, therefore am unsurprised when people don't all jump around and shout 'hurrah' when I put in my twopennorth. But I have experience a lot of kindness, support and useful advice on here.

Mamazon · 27/08/2008 11:31

I've been here for about 2 years now.

I still don't get aknowledged at every post. sometimes posts just fly in too quickly for everyone to be repsonded to.

Sadly it is the more frequent posters names that stick in your head. you will read a thread that has been updated many times since you last looked. yuo read all teh answer's and nod along accordingly then you post....teh only name that you remember seeing is teh one of teh prolific poster, so thats who you name.

It doesn't mean that what you have written has been ignored.

BUT at the end of the day this is a very busey forum with a great number of posts per minute. these posts are created and answered by adults.
Seriously.....if you need a pat on the head every time you send a post then yes, mnaybe this isn't the right place for you.

LittleMyDancing · 27/08/2008 11:33

It's easy to feel like a threadkiller - all threads die a natural death, if you happen to be the last poster then it feels like your fault. Don't take it personally.

It's always a bit weird in the school holidays, as well

But the cliques are a bit of an illusion really. Some people know each other. Most don't. I've been here since 2006 and I'm sure most people have no idea who I am, but if you just keep posting you gradually start to see some familiar names. And then people name change and you're lost again!

Keep posting.

p.s. if you have a really bad crisis, you'll be amazed at how people rally round, as well.

FabioTheFlouncingCat · 27/08/2008 11:35

Nobody gets acknowledge for their every post apart from Justine i think.

Agree with mamazon - you have to pat your own head on here.

Purplepillow · 27/08/2008 11:36
beanieb · 27/08/2008 11:36

Am I supposed to know who Justine is?

Habbibu · 27/08/2008 11:38

Well, you've essentially come to her houseparty, beanie. Did you not bring wine? How rude.

LackaDAISYcal · 27/08/2008 11:38

lol fabio.....some people will do anything to have their very own MN stalker

"follow another poster me for a day" indeed

you have a point though. I talk to more people here now, but basically because we have been on the same threads and then you recognise them and are more likely to acknowledge what they have posted to you. I don't think it's ignoring people, but in a community of tens of thousands, you can't expect everyone to know everyone else. I never ventured near a chat thread for the first two years of being on here for the very reason that it seemed to be posters who knew each other just chatting. Like I wouldn't burst in on a conversation on a bus, I wouldn't do it here either, unless I knew them.

tmmj also has a point; no-one likes being told they are a cliquey bunch of cliqueyness and not very welcoming.

And every thread that has been started in chat saying "hi I'm new to MN" has had a very positive response from MNers old and new. Ones like this always go a bit sour.

notwavingjustironing · 27/08/2008 11:39

Fabio, love your new name!

CvQ · 27/08/2008 11:40

fabio you are a total nut arsebut ive laughed for the first time today!!

ghosty · 27/08/2008 11:41

If you throw in a few 'fecks' and 'blardy's then people will think you have been here for ages ...

I have been on MN for 6 years ... longer than that old bag called Cod . And today someone said on a thread of mine, "is ghosty cod? only she could get away with this" pmsl ...

I don't believe in cliques ... they only exist in people's heads IMO. I stand proud and alone in the middle of the school playground

Bumdiddley · 27/08/2008 11:41

I kinda know what you mean.

There are people on here who are prolific posters.

Sometimes I have felt a bit like an 'outsider' when I have not understood an in joke or been mauled by an 'old timer.'

I have mentally written an AIBU thread about this, then thought, you know what?Fuck it. I've had some fab advice on here. I don't have any friends with children in RL so MN is like one big, friendly, scary, opionated pyscho bitch friend from hell/ heaven

CatsDoneBeStoopidAtAcrobatiks · 27/08/2008 11:42

Poor Fabio.

traceybath · 27/08/2008 11:44

i'm new and post a bit - generally think its a fun place and was very helpful to me regarding the 2 rabbits dying of myxy in my garden

some posters are a little umm strong but then they are the ones that i find funniest.

Mamazon · 27/08/2008 11:44

you need t piss people off more.

be rude and abrupt. if you think your advice has been ignored post saying

"oi! xxxx i said that first. dont blardy ignore me fanjo face"

people will notice and you will be remembered.

tis tried and tested method

Tnoog · 27/08/2008 11:45

Fabio, you made me laugh so hard I actually wet myself

just a little bit

< damp >

beanieb · 27/08/2008 11:45

who's justine cough hello?

Original poster
foxessmelltheirownholes · 27/08/2008 11:46

Wow! Didn't think I'd get a response like that! Thanks all (see not that difficult is it?)

Yes thanks too for all the shitty comments (and somewhat agressive, I might add). I do have a strong network of friends outside in the 'REAL' world - I don't really have a great deal of time to be messing about on the PC, today is the first day in the house, away from real friends in a week, so thanks for the comment BloodySmartArse. I wasn't being demanding for myself, for newcomers in general, I really don't have time or inclination to spend lots of time on here, like I say I have plenty of 'full on relationships' to keep my calendar full. But thanks all the same.
Yes it was a bit wimpy of me to change my name, but thats my prerogative.
I truely go on here so rarely these days that I just wanted to bring this up as it came to my attention that other newcomers are experiencing the same. No need to get all shirty and defensive, just bringing up a point. You are quite cliquey and maybe don't realise it. Yes it is nice to have nothing else but this to worry about isn't it,I do consider myself very fortunate in life, and not at all demanding, despite what another kind poster has said. But the thing is, I'm not even 'worried' about this either, how the fuck could I be worried about such a trivial thing FFS?? I'm just BRINGING A POINT UP, one I see that many agree with me on too. I'm off now as I need to get on with stuff but really please chill out you guys, why be so agressive? Or perhaps you all like some vinegar and salt to go with those chips on your shoulders.

OP posts:
LackaDAISYcal · 27/08/2008 11:46

AIBU is a BAAAAAAD place to post for sympathy and support as well.

ghosty · 27/08/2008 11:47

I agree with Mamazon ... you have to 'pithy' to be noticed here.
I made a decision when I came back recently after an self enforced MN break.

No more Mrs Nice Ghosty ....

Tossers the lot of you ...

sorry, love you all, mwah mwah ...