To be cross that my MIL is STILL angling to have DS christened?

[MamaHobgoblin]

Ooh, my first AIBU post. Does madness this way lie?

My husband and I are not religious, not so's you'd know it, anyway. He's atheist and I'm as near as dammit. We never intended to have our 6 month baby christened - no point, we're non-believers and have no intention of taking DS to church, sunday school etc. He can make up his own mind when he's at the age of reason. I have a big beef about people who aren't churchgoers, having dc christened just because 'it's done', or to conform, for the party, etc.

MIL is very religious. Apparently she still prays that DH will see error of his ways etc and get confirmed! :-) She would v much like her grandson to be christened. To be fair to her, I don't think it's because she wants to control him, I honestly think she believes it's best for his spiritual welfare. In turn, I am quite offended that she thinks he's in some way 'incomplete' without it (he is PFB, ffs, he is PERFECT!) or that she subscribes to (insert adjective) belief system whereby unchristened babies are cast into outer darkness, whatever.

Last weekend we stayed with them. She and DH took DS to watch her bellringing while I caught up on some sleep. Afterwards, while DH was other end of church, she went up to vicar and introduced her grandson, saying that we didn't want him christened but that she was working on it. Vicar commiserated and said he'd give poor godless DS a blessing anyway. Which he did, without asking DH.

AIBU to be cross at this, and at viewing it as a precedent being set, or should I just chill about it? Should I have a word with her, since apparently 'she's working on it'?

to the op
i thin you are being unreasobale
your mil's relgion is obviously very very important to her. she wants to give her dgc the best start in life. a christening is also an excuse for a family celebration. it kills many birds with one stone. unlike circumsicion , it isnt actually harmful to the baby. its just a well meanin celebration,

if you are going to let your DH and religious MIL take DS to church I think you have to accept a blessing may happen especially if DH is unable to say no his his mum. It wasn't like she was taking him to soft play area with a priest lurking in the bushes waiting to ambush your DH - they were in a church. If you feel that strongly - don't let him go to church with her in future.

A blessing isn't a ritual as such, if a little old lady in Tesco said 'Bless you my child' when your LO picked up an item they had dropped would it offend you?

What if your child was on a sleepover and the parent said 'Good night, God Bless?'

How about if you got a Xmas card saying 'Best wishes'?

As for a blessing being a christening that's so wrong, a Christening the family/Godparents and Congregation agree to look out for the welfare of the child and guide them in their religious path, a blessing they don't.

Message withdrawn

PMSL@Kewcumber

I have visions of the (really not very nice) local Catholic priest hiding at the bottom of the slide at softplay, waving his cross about and frothing at the mouth while he screeches 'Repent for your sins! And don't think you'll be getting a place at the excellent local RC school until you do!'

Onestonetogo, my point is that really, letting someone say, "bless you my child" isn't really them imposing their religion - it's just them living their religion in the same way that you live your ratheist life by NOT saying this kind of thing.

As for how you not saying these things is imposing your athiesism on them, what about when religious friends come to your house (assuming you have relgious friends/acquaintances) and you don't say grace? A religious person could maintain that you were enforcing your atheist beliefs on them.

sorry, I've lost all ability to both spell AND type. It's not pretty.

Message withdrawn

Reaturning to the OP, yes a blessing is not a big deal and you're probably reacting a bit strongly, but I can understand why. You're dealing with your MIL pushing to get your baby christened and not taking no for an answer. Her telling the vicar she's not given up trying and getting him to bless your child is less of a spontaneous (though religious) expression of good will and more of a two fingers to you.

I agree with those who've said use the blessing as a 'well, that whole christening issue is behind us all now he's been blessed' thing. Maybe even look at having a humanist naming ceremony and family party so that you can draw a line under it completely.

Onestone - I find it quite odd really, that you can say "Children are naturally prone to believe what we tell them so any religious indoctrination is likely to stick." - and yet be happy to tell your children things you don't actually believe.

And at the same time, clearly think it's wrong of me to tell my child things which I genuinely believe to be true. (Not that what I believe is quite the wizard/bible/hell version you picture)

What about the sleepover situation?
If your child stayed at someone's house and they knew you weren't religious but said Good night, God bless?

Message withdrawn

I think it's probably not a "two-fingers to you" approach. As I said before, I think it's more likely to be a way to get her off the hook as she sees it, with the priest. She probably knows she has no chance of it happening but wants the priest to know she's not in agreement with that.

Applause for onestonetogo

My children thankfully have sufficient wit to conceive their own imaginary friends.

And if they still feel the need to do so past the age of about 8 I'll be perturbed.

I would give your mil a full and frank appraisal of your views on her and her priest's outrageous spiritual violation of somebody else's child. But then, I'm not the conciliatory type.

Message withdrawn

But she let her child go to church. In church religion is preached and people worship God and um...sometimes they get blessed.

Come on. People saying 'God Bless' is offensive to us atheists? Life is too short to be offended so easily!

Onestonetogo, I was just curious, so no sorry needed .

Onestone- the op baby is 6mo. I don't think he'll be affected at all by a blessing. In fact, I doubt he'll remember it.
According to your reasoning with the father christmas/afterlife stuff he should be fine with all this religious stuff until he's old enough to understand otherwise.

I wouldn't.
I might think it a bit strange as I'd not come across it before but I'd think it was quite nice.

I wouldn't be offended@TheHedgeWith.

TBH HedgeWitch, it wouldn't bother me! Blessings, whatever the religion, are just expressions of goodwill. For the OP though, it is part of an ongoing battle with her MIL not respecting her views, so I understand why she's annoyed.

yes, i think that's hit the nail on the head@combustible. I wouldn't find the blessing offensive but I would find someone constantly trying to change my mind about inducting my child into a religion offensive.