To be cross that my MIL is STILL angling to have DS christened?

[MamaHobgoblin]

Ooh, my first AIBU post. Does madness this way lie?

My husband and I are not religious, not so's you'd know it, anyway. He's atheist and I'm as near as dammit. We never intended to have our 6 month baby christened - no point, we're non-believers and have no intention of taking DS to church, sunday school etc. He can make up his own mind when he's at the age of reason. I have a big beef about people who aren't churchgoers, having dc christened just because 'it's done', or to conform, for the party, etc.

MIL is very religious. Apparently she still prays that DH will see error of his ways etc and get confirmed! :-) She would v much like her grandson to be christened. To be fair to her, I don't think it's because she wants to control him, I honestly think she believes it's best for his spiritual welfare. In turn, I am quite offended that she thinks he's in some way 'incomplete' without it (he is PFB, ffs, he is PERFECT!) or that she subscribes to (insert adjective) belief system whereby unchristened babies are cast into outer darkness, whatever.

Last weekend we stayed with them. She and DH took DS to watch her bellringing while I caught up on some sleep. Afterwards, while DH was other end of church, she went up to vicar and introduced her grandson, saying that we didn't want him christened but that she was working on it. Vicar commiserated and said he'd give poor godless DS a blessing anyway. Which he did, without asking DH.

AIBU to be cross at this, and at viewing it as a precedent being set, or should I just chill about it? Should I have a word with her, since apparently 'she's working on it'?

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What is a blessing then? WHat function does it serve?

A blessing is different to a christening.

I think when the OP says a "blessing" she means the vicar put his hand on the baby's head and said something like "The Lord bless you and keep you" - it's the religious equivalent of giving them a pat on the head!

in that case I would be pissed off!

It's what they would do if a child goes up to the communion rail, and is just like praying for someone, but they are there and get a hand on their head, or sometimes the sign of the cross on their forehead.

That's a bit strong@Onestoentogo.

I am an atheist. I believe in the existence of God about as much as I believe in the existence of Santa Claus and the Tooth Fairy. However, I don't see a problem with my son attending church with his grandma now and then, receiving a blessing or being exposed to other people's religions. I accept that some quarters of our family are religious, and I think it's important for our children to understand that and have a positive attitude towards people's differences.

If the OP's MIL starts to try to indoctrinate him (or runs away with him to join a cult!) - problem. But taking him with her to her church on special occasions - I see no problem with it.

For some people (those who believe in god) a blessing would be an invocation of god's grace for him to watch over and protect you and would be an indication of their good intentions toward you.

For most people I know it would be an indication of good intentions and good wishes to you. Lots of older people I know would say 'bless you' instead of thank you showing that they are not just thanking you but hoping that things go well for you, too.

"Stick their crosses and blessings"
Where did crosses come into it?

My children have received blessings as babies from people with other religious beliefs than our own. I thought it was a nice gesture.

I have been blessed at Sikh, Hindu and Jewish ceremonies, depsite being an atheist. I didn't run out the door screaming 'Argh! Get away from me you religious freaks!'. I just smiled sweetly and accepted it as an act of goodwill (and if it wasn't an act of goodwill, ach well - it was a harmless novelty!

Exactly MrsMattie

My view (as a Christian, but not a very traditional one) is that there's a big difference between -

a - people praying to God to look after you, keep you safe etc, or saying a blessing over a baby or small child

and b - praying to God that you will change your mind about religion, or to save you from hell and damnation because of your beliefs or lack of them

a is meant kindly, and even if ineffective says they care about what happens to you

b is insulting to your choices and beliefs

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Onestop - are you equating going to church (or wherever) with violence and crime?

I think it's really interesting going to different places of worship. And for the most part I've usually found that most people who frequent them are nice.

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I just don't feel so worked up about it as you, that's all@Onestonetogo. My son occasionally goes to church with relatives and is absolutely fine. I think he may even have taken communion once (oops!). I really couldn't work up the energy to get upset about it, that's all. He is being raised in a non-religious way, by a non-religious family and attending a non-denominational school. A few visits a year to church (actually, he has attended Synagogue, an RC church, a C of E church and an Evangelical church with various relatives in the last year or so) aren't going to damage him imo.

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Onestone - by that argument, will you allow other children to sing "Happy birthday" to your child? - it's just as much of a "ritual" as putting a hand on their head and saying "Lord bless you and keep you". It's a way of expressing good wishes towards the individual, and no-one doing it believes that it makes a fundamental change in the person involved or in any way reduces their right to make their own choices about belief.

(Baptism is different, and I would certainly object on the OPs behalf if the MIL had taken the child and had him baptised against her wishes)

But there is a massive difference between a blessing and a baptism.

religion Testosterone plays a huge part in the world's wars, violence, terrorism, rape, circumcision, female oppression, intolerance.

Only my very humble opinion of course.

No onestop - I'm not going there because it would be a whole thread by itself and is a quagmire

Just think it's a huge jump from someone giving a good-intentioned blessing to being held as a representative for all the ills that religion has caused.

If you feel people saying "bless you" or praying for you is them imposing on you, then surely you should respect the fact that you NOT saying those things to them is imposing your atheist beliefs on them?

I agree with AMumInScotland that a simple blessing, or short prayer is not exactly a ritual in the the true sense of the word, and I don't think it's worth getting worked up about. Although it is a bit rude to just go ahead while OP's DH is standing there, I appreciate that.

A blessing is giving good wishes.

Baptism/christening is the first step in initiation into a faith.

And if we are avoiding superstition etc should we be offended if someone wishes us good luck?

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I know it's going off the OP here, but Onestonetogo what do you tell your DCs about death? I know that as a child believing in heaven helped me to deal with the deaths of my grandparents, because they were not really 'gone' IYKWIM. What do you tell your DCs about what happens after death?

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