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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be sad that my SIL thinks its OK to force feed her 8 month old DD?

46 replies

ATadgeUpset · 23/08/2008 21:44

It was my daughters first birthday party today, my SIL arrived and asked to use our highchair to feed her 8 month old daughter. I sat on the stool in the kitchen and chatted while she did, I was watching her and the LO didn't want the food and kept shaking her head. SIL then started smearing the food around her mouth and tried to force it in!

I asked her does she always try to force it in and she laughed and said yes I told her I couldn't watch and walked out, nothing else was said as to be honest its none of my business but I feel really sad that she thinks its OK to do that?

Surely it will just make her baby refuse more food and give her a complex about eating?

OP posts:
MrsSnorty · 23/08/2008 21:49

I know someone that does this with a 2 year old (when he doesn't want anymore of his meal). Makes me really .

PigeonPie · 23/08/2008 21:50

I don't think you're unreasonable. I would have had to have done the same as you, I can't bear seeing babies being force fed - no idea about whether it would give the baby a complex, but it would give me one!

pgwithnumber3 · 23/08/2008 21:51

Good god, you are not being unreasonable, I would have been disgusted too. She will give that child all kinds of eating problems. DD2 barely touches her food (she does eat, just not a huge appetite). Every child is different. Poor baby.

thisisyesterday · 23/08/2008 21:52

how vile. what on earth is she hoping to achieve by doing that?

perhaps you could invite her over for dinner one night and keep on serving more and more food. when she says she's full then smear it round her face and see how she likes it

pgwithnumber3 · 23/08/2008 21:59

Why force feed your baby/child anyway? To make them sleep through the night?

GreenMonkies · 23/08/2008 22:00

No, YANBU, it's a dreadful thing to do!!

"perhaps you could invite her over for dinner one night and keep on serving more and more food. when she says she's full then smear it round her face and see how she likes it "

And film it and post it on YouTube!! Please!!

Shoegazer · 23/08/2008 22:01

YANBU, its awful to force feed, what does she think she is teaching her DD? Whats the point?

Mutt · 23/08/2008 22:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
ATadgeUpset · 23/08/2008 22:04

To be honest she is a bit bizarre in my opinion! She was squeezing those Ella's House squidgy tube things straight onto the spoon which I think is a bit strange, especially as I had given her a bowl!! She also wrapped a muslin around her arms and shoulders and then put a plastic bib on her, the poor mite couldn't move her arms!!!

OP posts:
alicet · 23/08/2008 22:05

I don't think YABU and would feel equally uncomfortable.

But I speak as someone whose boys have always both eaten well and been decent weights so it's neer been much of an issue. I have friends whose dc's don't eat well at all and coupled with the fact they are skinny little things they have been really really worried. Not forcefed them (to my knowledge) but I know they have been beside themselves at times. Both their dc's are fine but I think it's easy to say not to worry when your dc's eat well.

I know you say she laughed bu she may be equally stressed and not really know what to do. Instead of this wy not talk to her about how things are going with her dd and eating and take it from there - she may well welcome advice but not feel she can ask especially after your reaction.

alicet · 23/08/2008 22:05

I don't think YABU and would feel equally uncomfortable.

But I speak as someone whose boys have always both eaten well and been decent weights so it's neer been much of an issue. I have friends whose dc's don't eat well at all and coupled with the fact they are skinny little things they have been really really worried. Not forcefed them (to my knowledge) but I know they have been beside themselves at times. Both their dc's are fine but I think it's easy to say not to worry when your dc's eat well.

I know you say she laughed bu she may be equally stressed and not really know what to do. Instead of this wy not talk to her about how things are going with her dd and eating and take it from there - she may well welcome advice but not feel she can ask especially after your reaction.

alicet · 23/08/2008 22:07

And what on earth is wrong with putting the ella's kitchen stuff straight on the spoon? That is the whole point imho - that you can use exactly the amount you need and no more - then the puree that is left in the tube can be put in the frige and used again and not thrown out as would need to happen if you had put it in a bowl.

Eddas · 23/08/2008 22:07

Was she force feeding or just trying to get the child to taste the food before they refused it?

If the first then YANBU, but if then i'm not sure. I have to say I have 'forced', for want of a better word, dd and ds to try things before screwing their faces up(only in the first few months of weaning stage) I found 9 out of 10 times once the food was on their lips they realised it was ok and then ate without worry. If they refused then that was that I either let them not eat or changed the food.

I hope you see what I mean. I didn't make them eat it, just try it before refusing point blank to even taste what ever it was

SheSellsSeashellsByTheSeashore · 23/08/2008 22:12

my dd2 used to eat the ella's kitchen things straight out of the pack, never mind a spoon was good for when we were eating on the run though.

why was she force feeding? was the baby full or just hadnt tasted it? tbh i sometimes used to 'force' feed dd2 but only with the first spoon and only if she was refusing to taste the food.

dont do it now as she self feeds and will eat anything.

if she was force feeding because baby was full YANBU.

SheSellsSeashellsByTheSeashore · 23/08/2008 22:13

thats exactly what i meant Eddas

Eddas · 23/08/2008 22:17

oh good shesells, glad i'm not the only one, I thought i was gonna get shot down in flames by the mn police!

preggersplayspop · 23/08/2008 22:18

I don't think YABU. My DS didn't take well to solids at all, he barely ate any until he was well over a year old and without mumsnet I would have been really down about it - seeing my friends babies scoffing down whole meals when they were barely over 6 months old could upset me before I read on here the experiences of other people.

I would never have force fed my son though.

A couple of times when my mum came to stay with me she tried to have a go at feeding him (obviously she was thinking I was doing something wrong and she would be able to sort out my 'problem') and starting trying to shove the spoon in when he clearly didn't want it. I had to grab the spoon off her and tell her to leave him as he clearly wasn't interested and I didn't want him to associate food with negative experience. Easier to have it out with your mum though!

He eats like a horse now btw.

alicet · 23/08/2008 22:19

Actually Eddas and SheSells I did this too only don't really consider this to be force feeding!

onepieceoflollipop · 23/08/2008 22:22

I have a friend whose daughter didn't have a good appetite. (but was given lots of chocolate/biscuit type treats by daddy in between meals which really didn't help)

All food was mushed up until she was age 2-3. We used to see a lot of these friends. One mealtime the child did really well and ate about half (bolognese). The dad really pressurised her to eat more and more. Just one more spoonful etc right in her face. Eventually she started crying and coughing. This turned into retching and she was sick.

It upset me, but my dh found it especially traumatic. He had to leave the table on a pretext as he couldn't bear to watch.

It was so hard for us not to say anything without seeming judgmental as out dcs both have large appetites and eat most foods.

SheSellsSeashellsByTheSeashore · 23/08/2008 22:26

onepieceoflollipop it is very very worrying when you have a child who wont eat. we have pressurised our dd1 with 'one more spoon, come on you are doing so well lets see if we can have one more' but never to the point where she was sick or gagging. there have been tears at meal times though but she is getting a lot better now thank god.

onepieceoflollipop · 23/08/2008 22:31

seashells I am very fortunate that our dcs have had good appetites.

With my friend's child, it was daddy who really piled the pressure on. The mum was able to cope more I think because she dealt with it day in day out, whereas daddy was only really at home for weekend mealtimes.

I hope my previous post didnt' sound judgmental. Sorry if so.

Aitch · 23/08/2008 22:32

i think it must be a HUGE leap of faith to back off from weaning if the baby is skinny or not eating much, so i can understand that people get stressed about it. but it is a shame, nevertheless, and imo yanbu to be upset at seeing it.

Aitch · 23/08/2008 22:33

by 'it' i mean force-feeding btw. seems totally counter-intuitive to me to do it.

SheSellsSeashellsByTheSeashore · 23/08/2008 23:35

no it didnt seem judgemental. the same thing used to happen in our house with mum and dad dealing differently. i learned how to handle dd1 and her eating as i had it day in day out her dad didnt. i used tricks such as 'a couple more bites/finish your burger and you can watch dr who before bed/stay up a bit late/have pancakes for breakfast' but dh would get upset by her refusal to eat.

TheHedgeWitch · 24/08/2008 01:47

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