To be sad that my SIL thinks its OK to force feed her 8 month old DD?

[ATadgeUpset]

It was my daughters first birthday party today, my SIL arrived and asked to use our highchair to feed her 8 month old daughter. I sat on the stool in the kitchen and chatted while she did, I was watching her and the LO didn't want the food and kept shaking her head. SIL then started smearing the food around her mouth and tried to force it in!

I asked her does she always try to force it in and she laughed and said yes I told her I couldn't watch and walked out, nothing else was said as to be honest its none of my business but I feel really sad that she thinks its OK to do that?

Surely it will just make her baby refuse more food and give her a complex about eating?

[thesockmonsterofdoom]

I would have to defend the other side of things, my dd was very under weight and refu7sed to eat anything at all, I reached the point several times where i had consideredforce feeding her, but realised it wold no achieve anything.
I think if you have not had a child tht won't eat and I mean literally wont eat you can not know how it feels.

[pamelat]

Is the baby under weight? has the health visitor told her to make sure that X amount is eaten? It seems an odd thing to do

[crokky]

Personally, I think you are overreacting.

Your SIL presumably loves her DD more than anything in the world and is trying to do her best for her. It sounds like she is just trying to get her DD to eat as well as possible and her DD is not a great eater. OK, I appreciate force feeding is not the way to go, but to say that you couldn't watch implies that you were witnessing something really horrifying like your SIL smacking the baby for not eating or something like that. I think you have 2 options:

-either let SIL bring up her DD the way she wants and keep out of it
-or do a bit of research on babies that won't eat and try to help SIL in a constructive manner.

Saying you can't watch is not helpful.

As for putting the contents of the sachet onto a spoon or in a bowl, surely people can do whatever they want with this - does it really matter?

[Dalrymps]

I have to say I can understand why someone might be driven to force feed but I don't agree that it is ok.
My ds is very small for his age and has never had a good appetitie. Weaning him has been stressfull and when he won't eat it is probably the most frustrating experience of my whole life so far, having said that it is my responsibility as a parent to deal with that frustration and try to make meal times calm.
I usually put a little food on ds's lips for him to lick off to tempt him and then he usually eats quite well (at the moment). If he refused point blank after tasting the food I would usually offer him a drink, try again and if still not eatin it give him something else.
If he was of good weight and appetite I probably wouldn't offer alternatives as I don't want to encourage fussiness but as it is I feel I have to get him to eat something at most mealtimes as he's so small.

[PinkyDinkyDooToo]

YANBU at all. It sounds like it must be regular thing if she actually tied her arms down with a muslin. She was making sure the poor baby couldn't say no. It's no wonder she doesn't eat.

[Tittybangbang]

I think force feeding is abusive.

You instinctively felt that it was - that's why you (and other people who've witnessed it) feel disturbed when they see an adult doing this to a child.

[pgwithnumber3]

I can remember being more obsessed with DD1 eating well than I do with DD2. Is she her first baby? Today I made Sweet Potato wedges, home made burger (with carrot, celery and onion in it) and peas. DD1 wolfed it whereas DD2 ate a couple of wedges. I didn't worry but I would have done when DD1 was a baby, I would have been trying to get her to eat more.

[GreenMonkies]

Why is anyone shoving spoonfuls of mush into any babies mouths? A baby of 6 months (ish) old is able to pick up food and put it in thier mouth, chew it and swallow it. If they are unable to do this (unless they have some sort of physical problem or developmental delay) then they are not ready for solids. If a baby is so young that you need to mush food up and poke a spoonful of it past thier tongue thrust reflex, then they are too young for solids!!!

Milk is the main food source until around 12-18 months, so there is no need to be feeding bowls full of mush into babies at all. At 8 months old, the baby mentioned in the OP is almost certainly capable of feeding herself, and is too old for mush. The bottom line is, if they need it mushed because they can't chew yet, they shouldn't be eating solids.

I seriously pity the poor baby, the image of a mum tying a muslin around her upper arms and forcing a spoonfuls of mush into her mouth makes me gag!

[GreenMonkies]

www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-wellbeing/health-news/why-baby-knows-best-when-it-comes- to-food-428164.html

www.borstvoeding.com/voedselintroductie/blw/engels.html

[MrsMattie]

I have a friend / acquaintance who practically force feeds her 6 month old daughter and has been doing so since she was 4 mths old. She did the same with her son (now a healthy, lovely almost 4 yr old, it has to be said!). I find it unbearable to watch and have tried to talk to her about it in a sensitive way, but very difficult, as don't want to offend her. I do find it distressing, though.

[spicemonster]

Sometimes I used to do this with my DS because he would get overhungry and refuse all food even though he was starving. Wiping a little food around his mouth would get him eating though.

So yeah, you might be being unreasonable. I know it looked dreadful to other people but I knew he was starving.

[spicemonster]

To clarify - I'd wipe a little food round his mouth once. Not keep shovelling it in. That's dreadful.

[FluffyMummy123]

Message withdrawn

[MrsMattie]

The woman I know who does it wipes food her 6 mth old has violently spat out back on to the spoon and forces it in again over and over until the child, gagging and spluttering, finally decides its not worth the battle and swallows it. The little girl has to finish a savoury jar and a sweet jar at each meal time before the mum will stop forcing it in.

I find that disturbing, sorry!

[LittleMyDancingForJoy]

I think it's downright abusive. DS was not a good eater when we started with BLW, most mealtimes he hardly ate anything, then he would suddenly eat a lot one day, and nothing the next. I used to get really stressed about it, but we took the view that he knew what he wanted, and if you went near him with a spoon he pursed up his lips so tight you would have to actually hurt him to get a spoon in!

Now he's 2.4, he eats very well, likes all foods and we constantly get comments about how well he eats and how much he likes his vegetables. I can't help feeling if we'd shovelled food into him he wouldn't be like this.

Ironically, we sometimes feed him now, but that's because he gets really distracted and won't focus on his food - and once he's had enough and says 'Finished' we never try and force him into eating more.

Babies won't starve themselves deliberately, imvho.

[louii]

I feel ill watching people doing that to children, if they dont want to eat it then leave them be, my DS would never eat big amounts, little and often is the key.

Incidentally i have seen the same done to Frail elderly people in hospitals and nursing homes and have reported it as abuse, so you are not being unreasonable!

[ruddynorah]

funny thing last weekend PILs had dd (2) for the weekend. FIL is a keen 'come on now one more mouthful' 'nearly finished now, eat up' etc etc etc. dd did blw from 6 months and is not used to this sort of cajoling. MIL said to me dd said to FIL..

'sshhh stop talking you hurting my ears!'

fantastic.

PILs thought it rude, i thought, good on dd.

[Communion]

Parents can get very overly anxious about thier children not eating, and feel that they 'need to get some food in' and that they are doing the right thing.

It's probaly not motivated by a callous uncaring attitude that some posts here seem to suggest.

BLW is not coomon knowledge or common practise.

YANBU to feel upset, but try not to judge too harshly and maybe nudge her gently towards some information on other ways of approaching things, but tread carefully.

She's probably a loving mother who will be very wounded at any suggestion that she is not caring well for her child.

[Tittybangbang]

Hmmmmm, one in three toddlers are now officially overweight, yet 95% of parents of overweight children don't recognise that their children are larger than they ought to be.

On the other hand most parents become extremely anxious if their child doesn't eat as much as they think they ought to, despite babies voluntarily starving themselves into ill health being a vanishingly rare occurence!

[thefortbuilder]

ds1 was very small and is still pretty slim (tall but slim) at 2.1. we weaned at 7 months and had to try very hard to coax the first mouthful into him to get him to taste anything, but once he got going he was fine - that said never force feed anything.

so no yanbu at all - but finding out whty she is doing it / whether it is regular occurence / seeing if she needs some help would be a more constructive approach i think