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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that my dh should not be expected to work a 57 hour week!!!

41 replies

2luvlyboys · 22/08/2008 22:36

My husbands employee seems to think that their staff should be happy to work all hours but this latest rota is just a joke (or it would be if it wasn't true!) And yes it is allowed because the transport industry is excempt from the 48 hour rule! Very veery unhappy he will be going from the best rota he ever had to this. Not as bad as the horrendous hours he did last year when I was pregnant when he also had 2 hours travel time a day but its pretty close to it! Sorry just wanted to rant really!!!

OP posts:
BreeVanderCampLGJ · 22/08/2008 22:38

I don't mean to sound unsympathetic, but in the current climate, be glad he has a job.

dizzydixies · 22/08/2008 22:40

my dh does it as a matter of course, its shite but as Bree says, we're just grateful he has a job

elmoandella · 22/08/2008 22:48

my dp works
mon-thurs 9am till midnight
fri,sat 9am till 2 am
sun 1pm till midnight.

sometimes he can come home for a couple of hours in afternoon.

i would be over moon if dp only worked 57 hours.

and he travels 1.5 hours there and back.

Original poster
2luvlyboys · 22/08/2008 22:53

elmoandella! haven't got much to complain about then!!

OP posts:
Original poster
2luvlyboys · 23/08/2008 20:16

Yes I am grateful he has a job. I guess what I am unhappy about is that he is going from a brilliant best rota he has ever had when he did roughly 41-45 hours a week some 4 day weeks some 5 to this!! Last year he never saw ds1 during the working day just on sundays and 1day off during the week when he was always too tired too want to do much with him. Thought I'd left those ddays behind for good. As I said just having a moan really!!!

OP posts:
ChukkyPig · 23/08/2008 20:24

2luvlyboys you have my sympathy, as do all others with OH's doing hours like this.

That's 9.5 hours a day 6 days a week. That sounds pretty shit to me. My DH is in transport too and for me it's not so much that he does long hours but that they often rota him in to work rest days and so he will work 9/10/11/12 days in a row. That wears us both out.

elmoandella what does your DP do? I wouldn't physically be able to cope with his hours I don't think, leaving at 7.30 am and getting back at 1.30 am. I know that it's what people have to do but I think I'd get depressed. I hope you are all OK.

KerryMum · 23/08/2008 20:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

findtheriver · 23/08/2008 20:30

anyone on a salary often ends up doing very long hours. nothing unusual about it. Sorry to sound unsympathetic but a lot of couples probably both work hours like this

LazyLinePainterJane · 23/08/2008 20:31

I know it's awful. A lot of people have it worse but that doesn't make anything better for you does it?

DH is working away at the moment, doing 12 hour days and staying in hotels. Fortunately it is temporary but am really feeling it as my pregnancy progresses.

You have my sympathy, all I can say is that the best thing to do is just get on with it, as nothing is going to change and you will only feel better by doing so.

ChukkyPig · 23/08/2008 20:31

findtheriver when you say "salary" do you mean a salaried job, or one with a good salary?

I think it depends more on the industry personally.

findtheriver · 23/08/2008 20:34

i mean a salaried job. Also, there are loads of jobs which are exempt from any ruling about maximum hours. I'm just stating facts.

Original poster
2luvlyboys · 23/08/2008 20:37

The hours will be spread over 4-5 days so he won't be home at all for the childrens waking hours. Last year there were times when I actually felt like a single mother. I quickly hasten to add that there is nothing at all wrong with being a single mother before anyone thinks I'm implying that its just that I'm not!! I am in a relationship so I resented feeling like that iyswim! This time as he's working in the same town I'm hoping that there will be some days he can come home for lunch which may help a bit not sure I'll just have to see how it works out. He's a bus driver btw which is why I've been known to get annoyed when prople on mn critisize/ are rude about bus drivers as I know what long hours they work and what they have to put up with on low pay! Anyway rant over!

OP posts:
ChukkyPig · 23/08/2008 20:38

I was just wondering because the people I know who work long hours are either very well paid or in certain industries like restaurants, transport etc. I don't know any people with bog-standard office jobs who are asked to work hours like this. I really think it's an industry thing.

Having said that most jobs like to exempt themselves from the working time directive (is that what it's called?), I have had to sign something opting out of it for every job I've had. Seems daft really as not many people will refuse to sign something they are asked to sign by a brand new employer.

pamelat · 23/08/2008 20:40

My DH works 3 days a week 9 until 6pm (its lovely for me with our 7 month old DD) but its not our choice and financially things are tight .
He was made redundant from his standard 40 hours a week job when I was 8 months pregnant. This current one is meant to be full time (and promises are made, informally, that it will be) but they are a small company and cant afford it at the mo.

Personally, as long as we can pay the mortgage and bills then I would rather have him at home and go without

Am lucky in that I got full maternity pay for 6 months, this will be the first month of SMP only - will see how we go!

MrsMattie · 23/08/2008 20:42

I feel for you. My husband is self employed and probably averages about 50-60 hours work a week, including foreign travel. It's hard going sometimes - on all of us.

3littlefrogs · 23/08/2008 20:49

I do feel for you, but sadly, this is is the way of the world. I would be delighted if dh only worked 48 hours a week. (He currently works around 60).

I would be even more delighted if I got paid for all the hours I work - but I am sort of self employed, so no chance.

Romy7 · 23/08/2008 20:54

3 days 12 hour shifts
3 nights 12 hour shifts
3 off

it's a bit difficult to work, and you lose the first day 'off' as you're asleep, so 2 days off really.

doesn't include handing over time, which is 30 mins at each end of the shift.

oh, that's me btw.

dh spends up to 3 weeks away with work at a time and gets no toil.

he only works 8 - 6.30 5 days a week when he's here though.

ChukkyPig · 23/08/2008 20:54

3littlefrogs can I ask what industry your DH works in? That seems to be so hard - does he work 7 days a week? I admit I can't comprehend having my DH away from home that much. It must be really tough. Like I say it's the loads of days in a row that get us.

ChukkyPig · 23/08/2008 20:55

Are you a nurse Romy? I think one of my friends works that sort of shift pattern.

Romy7 · 23/08/2008 20:56

oh, all salaried, no o/t

wickedwitchofthenorth · 23/08/2008 21:14

Chukky pig, does your OH drive a vehicle fitted with a tachograph?

OP, is the route your husband drives longer than 30 miles?

if so there are laws to protect them.

TheCrackFox · 23/08/2008 21:22

Dh is a chef and has just done a 70hour week and won't be home until 1am. It is shite but better than being on the dole.

ChukkyPig · 23/08/2008 22:20

WickedWitch, no, no tachograph. He drives around in a van all day but it's not too long days, just loads of days in a row!!!

Chefs I am not surprised do long hours.

Publicans and restauranteurs also.

I am just interested to find out which jobs/industries have long hours.

And I suppose that would be long hours with little gain/little chance of gain. I am sure the olympic types work very hard for very little gain generally and then go off and get a medal! And as for high paid city types working long hours, well that's a choice really.

elmoandella · 24/08/2008 08:28

owns a business in catering. just opening a second one. hopefully he'll get rid of the one that opens to 2am at weekend now, and the new one is closer to home. so should be home by 12.30am, and it doesn't open till 11am.

this one thats open from 9am till 2am has been really hard on us all.

only day of the week we ever sit down for a meal together is sunday lunch.

shootfromthehip · 24/08/2008 09:16

I started one of these threads last weekend- as I too have a husband who works long hours. I accept that there is a climate of working hard but I am not grateful that he has got a job at all, and we do not have the financial security that you would hope that we would have for a 70+ hr week. As DH's wife I feel entitled to be utterly pissed off that I too am a single parent for the majority of the time. My children do not see their Dad during the week and I carry the responsibility for the running of our home. In essence I have a man who pays the bills and that is his sole contribution to our relationship as he is thinking about work even if he is not doing it.

Other people seem to be happy with this kind of arrangement as they have their own space but I did not buy in to raising a family on my own and having a bloke wander in, undermine me and then expect me to be grateful with the few crumbs that I get thrown when it suits him. It is difficult to be grateful when you feel like you are living your life alone without any of the decision making perks that would accompany this.

I am sick of having to be pragmatic about a shity situation that is not of my choosing. Being told that that is just the way things are really irritates me as it seems to be expected to give him carte blanche to work whenever he wants. We have been financially much worse off but more united because we were together more. So to conclude, IMHO, you are NOT being unreasonable to have the hump with a situation that is being dictated to you.

Oh and DH also commutes 1.25 hrs each way and works in IT. It just sucks.