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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be annoyed at what my mil cooks when we visit?

150 replies

2luvlyboys · 18/08/2008 21:22

Yesterday we went to pils for dinner. We had a roast chicken dinner and it was lovely! She is a great cook tbh. So far so good. She also did a lovely homemade raspberry and blackberry pudding. Again lovely. But then she had to spoil it by producing vanilla or CHOCOLATE icecream to go with it and a home made rice pudding. Whats wrong with that you may ask? I saw her make it she put sugar AND a whole can of evaporated milk in it!!! And she bought in a jug with more evaporated milk!! Dh's family has always made a big deal over puddings. I always thought it was really great until I had my dcs. When I saw her making the rice pudding I did comment that she needn't of done that as well as the blackberry and raspberry pudding. Thats all right she said its a plesure! I made sure I dished out ds1 his sponge pudding straight away but then mil produced the chocolate icecream and ofcourse he went on and on about wanting it. Ever tried refusing a 2.11 year old chocolate icecream? MIL gave him some and I made a comment that hes never had chocolae icecream before! Then ds1 spied the rice pudding and wanted some. I reluctantly as I didn't want a scene game him a little bit. Ofcourse he quickly polished it off and wanted more at which point mil gave him more without even checking 1st. She even asked if ds2 wanted any and I said no way (he's 9 months). My dcs don't have food like this usually and she knows it. I think if you give them used to sweet things now you give them a hard to break sweet tooth (my dh has one for sure)!! AIBU? My mum surprised me I must admit when she pointed out its not an everyday occurance or even a weekly thing (monthly if that). Seemed to be implying that I'm making too much of it which I thought strange as she would never cook things like that for my dcs. What do others think?

OP posts:
ghosty · 19/08/2008 08:28

Have only read the OP ...
Can we swap MILs please? My mother in law won't even go to the shop to get food for us let alone cook a meal for us when we go there. And this is at Christmas. Last year we spent a fortune on flights to go and see her for christmas (at her invitation) and we when we got there we had to go shopping for all our own food for the week, including christmas stuff like crackers etc. For our Christmas dinner we had Cold ham, cold boiled potatoes and 'salad' (lettuce leaves, whole tomatoes and half a cucumber, not even sliced, in a bowl). Then frozen raspberries for pudding

pacinofan · 19/08/2008 08:31

I think you mil sounds like a wonderful hostess, trying to make a lovely family dinner for you all - be grateful, I thought the menu was great and I'd simply be flattered that she'd gone to so much trouble. Sweet puddings once in a while don't do any harm imo, they're a lovely treat!

mouseman · 19/08/2008 08:34

I have been married for 14 years and have NEVER been invited to eat at MIL's! The odd cup of tea is it.

Gateau · 19/08/2008 08:36

Don't be so ungrateful.
ANd what is wrong with chocolate ice-cream once in a while FFS?
Food is one of life's great pleasures.Let your DC experience that.

kslatts · 19/08/2008 08:44

YABU - it sounds like a lovely meal.

mamachat · 19/08/2008 08:46

I think your mum is right, it would not be good if your dc's were eating this everyday, but it is ok to let them have naughty food every once in a while...

But i do understand where you are coming from, as mums we put in so much effort ensuring dc's eat the right food and not junk and struggle at times to get the healthy food into them. then other family members come along with all this fun, junk food and they wont stop eating...

BornToRun · 19/08/2008 08:53

Can see your point but think yabu. This is the sort of thing your children will remember when they are older, granny's puddings will be legends, and of course she won't be around forever.

herbietea · 19/08/2008 08:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

AbbeyA · 19/08/2008 08:56

It is really important not to label food as good or bad, it makes the bad very desirable!
If you have a healthy diet at home then you can relax and have treats every so often without any harm being done. Food is supposed to be enjoyable, it takes all the fun out of being a hostess and a good cook if your guest wants a run down of ingredients. All the great chefs would be out of business, wonderful French patisseries would close down, no one would need to make chocolate!
I wish the really strict diet controller parents could see their DCs when they get off the leash! They are very careful to show the right attitude in front of their parents and are 'goody little two shoes'- I see it all the time. The parents have no idea!

BecauseImWorthIt · 19/08/2008 09:01

I've just read this thread again, and the thing that saddens me most about this is the way in which this demonstrates the lack of relationship with food that we seem to have these days.

From the OP:

"I saw her make it she put sugar AND a whole can of evaporated milk in it!!!"

There is nothing wrong with these ingredients. Why do we demonise foods? It's only when we consume food (of any kind) to excess that there is a problem, and surely we are old enough, clever enough and suitably in control of what we buy/put in our mouths to make sure that that doesn't happen?

I bet that the OP's MIL would be totally bemused by the (self righteous, sorry) indignation expressed here.

giddly · 19/08/2008 09:06

Elkat - I followed this idea and it seems to have had the opposite effect. DD1 (2.10)had absolutely nothing with sweet (apart from fresh fruit) until 1 year. No flavoured yoghurt, no breakfast serial with sugar in in, nothing. I was evangelical. After that she had the ocassional biscuit / bit of cake if she was given it at peoples' houses so as not to make a fuss / make it seem exciting. She also occasionally started having a pudding / piece of cake at home, but very rarely.

She's now adores sweet food (though will happily eat anything savoury / drink water etc.). She also doesn't know when to stop, and would probably eat a whole plate of biscuits. The highlight of her week is going to mother and toddler because she gets a biscuit (or 5 if she manages to get hold of the plate). It's actually quite embarrassing as she still mentions biscuits she was given by people months ago!. I've now relaxed my regime a lot as I feel it's counterproductive, and will be a lot more relaxed with DD2. Maybe it would have worked if I'd been stricter for longer, but after a year it's much more difficult to restict foods when they see others having them.

bamboostalks · 19/08/2008 09:14

ELKAT Wasn't your dd breast fed, wouldn,t that give her a sweet tooth anyway? Children need to love, appreciate and enjoy all food imo.

seeker · 19/08/2008 09:20

My dd (pfb) had her first taste of chocolate at 2.5. I will never forget the expression on her face "Mummy - there is stuff this delicious in the world and YOU KEPT IT FROM ME!" Ds (nsb) was crawling round the floor at a party at 9 months mad emerged with a huge grin and a handful of discarded (probably pre chewed) malteesers.

They are now 7 and 12 with a good diet, a good relationship with food, good teeth and there is no discernable difference in their taste for sweet stuff. I think it depends on the child, not the diet.

TenaciousG · 19/08/2008 10:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DaDaDa · 19/08/2008 10:37

Never mind whether you're being unreasonable, can I go and live in her house please?

BecauseImWorthIt · 19/08/2008 10:42

I think she did, TG, but no reason why we can't discuss the issues that the OP raised.

ghosty · 19/08/2008 10:42

Elkat, my sister was/is militant about my niece not eating sweet stuff and now at the age of 6 she positively drools when she sees a chocolate biscuit. I don't think it is healthy to restrict them to that extent. All things in moderation, that is what I think ...

mrsruffallo · 19/08/2008 10:46

I think you're crackers

piratecat · 19/08/2008 10:49

omg get a grip, it this ALL you have to be concerned about. dear oh dear.

SixSpotBurnet · 19/08/2008 10:53

I am shaking my head in disbelief at this thread.

blowsy · 19/08/2008 10:58

Op's mil sounds great to me - like my mum. Lots of home made treats, and that's what they are - treats!

If you're for real - get a grip.

IShaggedInVictorianSqualor · 19/08/2008 10:59

Lol @ Seekers nsb

I had the inlaws over for dinner on sunday and cooked a huge roast chicken dinner, plus we had hot chocolate fudgecake, Apple strudel, ice cream and/or cream for dinner.

Hope MiL doesn't think I was BU to feed her husband that much.

mumeeee · 19/08/2008 11:38

YABU. She made a ;ot of effort and Grandmothers always spoil thier Grandchildren.

fizzbuzz · 19/08/2008 11:39

Wish she as my MIL....

My MIL comes to our house, and leaves dishes/cups eveywhere. Leaves crisp bags and the like everywhere. It is like having another dc.

I would love to eat that dinner, and those puddings sound scrummy........

FfreckleFface · 19/08/2008 11:55

She gave your children chocolate ice cream?

Did you call the police?!