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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to be annoyed at what my mil cooks when we visit?

150 replies

2luvlyboys · 18/08/2008 21:22

Yesterday we went to pils for dinner. We had a roast chicken dinner and it was lovely! She is a great cook tbh. So far so good. She also did a lovely homemade raspberry and blackberry pudding. Again lovely. But then she had to spoil it by producing vanilla or CHOCOLATE icecream to go with it and a home made rice pudding. Whats wrong with that you may ask? I saw her make it she put sugar AND a whole can of evaporated milk in it!!! And she bought in a jug with more evaporated milk!! Dh's family has always made a big deal over puddings. I always thought it was really great until I had my dcs. When I saw her making the rice pudding I did comment that she needn't of done that as well as the blackberry and raspberry pudding. Thats all right she said its a plesure! I made sure I dished out ds1 his sponge pudding straight away but then mil produced the chocolate icecream and ofcourse he went on and on about wanting it. Ever tried refusing a 2.11 year old chocolate icecream? MIL gave him some and I made a comment that hes never had chocolae icecream before! Then ds1 spied the rice pudding and wanted some. I reluctantly as I didn't want a scene game him a little bit. Ofcourse he quickly polished it off and wanted more at which point mil gave him more without even checking 1st. She even asked if ds2 wanted any and I said no way (he's 9 months). My dcs don't have food like this usually and she knows it. I think if you give them used to sweet things now you give them a hard to break sweet tooth (my dh has one for sure)!! AIBU? My mum surprised me I must admit when she pointed out its not an everyday occurance or even a weekly thing (monthly if that). Seemed to be implying that I'm making too much of it which I thought strange as she would never cook things like that for my dcs. What do others think?

OP posts:
mm22bys · 18/08/2008 22:12

Is this a windup? Your MIL sounds like a lovely granny who likes "spoiling" who grandkids.

No harm will be done, but maybe you should appreciate how lucky you and your DCs are to have such a lovely gm/mil

olympicsnotfederer · 18/08/2008 22:15

aww, 2luvlyboys, don't feel

well, maybe you should

be grateful, MIL sounds lovely and irritating in equal measures to me (like most MILs in fact)

PinkyDinkyDooToo · 18/08/2008 22:17

YABU a bit but I totally get where you are coming from. My MIL cooks with so much salt even my 4 yo can't eat her veg. I don't stop him, he just doesn't like it thank goodness. I can barely swallow it. It means that DS2 can definitely not even try anyhthing at her house as he is only 11 months, and the salt would probably be quite dangerous for him

seeker · 18/08/2008 22:17

My much missed father in law used to cook turkey dinosaurs and chips for dd when she visted (about every 6 weeks) because she never got them at home. It was a lovely thing - and she still remembers it and how happy she was when he did it for her. We went there for Christmas lunch when she was 3, and she burst into tears when he put a lovely roast meal in front of her because "That's not what you cook me, granddad!" I was mortified - but guess what he rushed off to the kitchen and did?!

Alambil · 18/08/2008 22:24

"It's not a weekly occurance (even monthly)"

YABU.

She's relishing your visits, spoling her GC and it will NOT - NOT - NOT give them a "hard to break sweet tooth" if it's so irregular.

Get over yourself and let her spoil her grandchildren

Heated · 18/08/2008 22:25

Ah bless! Just think of the thought and pleasure she took in making those for your dcs. She sounds like a fab gran.

abbieslife · 18/08/2008 22:26

Seeker... he sounds like a wonderful grandad! Sorry he's no longer with you, your DD must have lovely memories.

Grandparents are supposed to spoil kids, it's the law! Does anyone remember noodle doodles? My nan used to give me these most days!!! With burgers!! (I'm quite healthy now, so no harm done!)

Twiglett · 18/08/2008 22:26

OP HAS CAVED GRACIOUSLY ... leave her alone

Habbibu · 18/08/2008 22:27

Agree, twig - poor woman!

olympicsnotfederer · 18/08/2008 22:28

yeh, think she realises this thread was universally unanimous in saying she needs to get a grip

grip got methinks

solidgoldbrass · 18/08/2008 22:28

Just another little suggestion: people who are really precious about 'healthy' food make it a lot harder for people whose DCs actually have a food allergy because it tends to rollover into thinking that the parents of the allergic kid have just got a stick up their arse...

TenaciousG · 18/08/2008 22:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

minouminou · 18/08/2008 22:33

awwwww....seeker
that's so sweet and sad at the same time

KnockOffNorbert · 18/08/2008 22:35

Swap MILs! She sounds lovely - my grandmother was wonderful and always had fresh buns and cakes for us when we visited but it didn't make us hyped up brats. It's the law you eat sweet things at Grandparents! My mum made apple crumble and ice cream for DS (2.5) the other day, I was ! It's not like you always have take aways/McDs when you are there, sounds a well balanced meal IMO . Goodness me.

ginnny · 18/08/2008 22:35

Are you my SIL 2luvlykids? She used to refuse to let her dd have pudding at my Mum's while my 2 tucked into huge bowlfuls of apple crumble, rice pud, etc. Thats what grannies do!
I never make them puddings (I'm far too lazy ) so the only time they ever eat them is once every few weeks at my Mums.
I'm sure its done them no harm!

liath · 18/08/2008 22:36

This thread has reminded me - when me & my sisters stayed at my grandparents' house they used to let us have cream cakes for breakfast . We loved it.

My two stayed with my parents last weekend and I was shocked that my mum had fed them weetabix with sugar on.

pofaced · 18/08/2008 22:36

FFS! You are served nutritious home-made food! Unless you make all your children's food yourself (incl bread), get a grip....

What are you going to do when your children go to school and are served processed food every day? Or get invited to birthday parties at "soft play" places where they serve the most extraordinary things masquerading as sausages? And limp reformed poatato as chips?

Have you ever knowinglg seen anyone eat a sour cream 'n'chive Pringle? The punctuation says it all!

Desiderata · 18/08/2008 22:40

That's pretty definitive then

Lovely puddings.

Crap guest.

pofaced · 18/08/2008 22:42

Yup...

AbbeyA · 18/08/2008 22:47

She sounds lovely. If she did it regularly it would be different but food is supposed to be a pleasure! You need to relax or you will be setting up your DCs for food problems later. I watch what I eat but you need to relax and have a feast occasionally-so do children.

2shoes · 18/08/2008 22:53

YABU I will happily eat the puddings for you nxt time and I know dd would love them

Elkat · 19/08/2008 00:31

Okay, I'm going to buck the trend here, because there's lots of research out there which shows early exposure to sugary foods etc affect the taste buds of a child (possibly for life). With a child under the age of 3, when their taste buds are still developing, and it is easy to avoid such sugary foods, it is better to do this as the child does not know what it is missing, and so will develop a better sense of taste, not affected by sugar. So to blatantly give the child sugary foods (and against the wishes of the mother) is madness in my view. At that age, there is no need for it.

I followed this with my dd. We tried to avoid sweet foods when she was under three (our rule was never to say no to her, but not to give her chocolate / sweety stuff either...and having never had it, she didn't even know chocolate existed until she was almost 3). Now at almost 5, she likes her chocolate, but the avoidance of chocolate/ sweet foods in the formative years of her taste buds has really affected what she eats. She will happily munch on broccoli as a snack, hates petit filous yoghurts and other such yoghurts - she finds them too sugary, similarly she also hates chocolate mousse etc. She simply does not like that much sugar. Chocolate / sugary foods are not banned, but she does not have a huge desire for them because they were not part of her diet when her taste buds were forming.

All the research backs up this view... This is just a quote from a research project by Dr Frans J Kok into food preferences in children.

"The findings from the present study also indicate that, at least for cereals, it is possible to relate sweet preference as measured in a laboratory setting to preferences for sweets in everyday foods such as cereals, as reported by the child. That experience influences sweet preferences is suggested by the finding that children whose mothers routinely added sugar to their diet preferred higher levels of sugar in apple juice and cereals when compared to children whose mothers reported never adding sugar. Such findings are consistent with previous research demonstrating that experience with sweetened water during infancy resulted in higher preferences for sweetened water at 2 years of age 15;20 and that preference for sweet taste, as assessed by psychophysical methods, is related to carbohydrate intake in healthy adults 42."

This isn't one of the articles I read when I had my DD and decided to avoid sugary tastes in her diet in her formative years, but I think it adds academic support to my point.

Elkat · 19/08/2008 00:38

Sorry, to be accurate - the extract was taken from...

"Sweet and sour taste preferences of children
Ph.D.-thesis by Djin Gie Liem, Division of Human Nutrition, Wageningen University, Wageningen,
The Netherlands and the Monell Chemical Senses Center, Philadelphia, PA, USA, November 2nd 2004"

thereluctantmilitant · 19/08/2008 00:49

yabu
Rice pudding ?- think of it as like lumpy breastmilk. Milky, sweet...

You do know that breast milk is sweet, right?

AbbeyA · 19/08/2008 08:22

If your DD is only 5, Elkat, then you have no idea what will happen when she gets to peer pressure. She may well not have a sweet tooth but I suspect that she probably wouldn't anyway.
My DSs are teenagers. They always had a healthy balanced diet which included lovely puddings on special occasions.They don't like really sweet things and will very often refuse a pudding.They luckily take after my DH who doesn't like sweet things.
Hopefully you are lucky with your DD, I know a lot of children who are deprived of sweet things who are like little pigs out of the sight of their parents!

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