AIBU to think that once you have paid your childcare, its not really worth working.? Is it that you just don`t want to look after your own kid. prefering to stick them in daycare as soon as the shine wears off, it really bugs me!

[discusturd]

Some go from 7-6 and never see there parents, I know I will get slated but in the nursery I work some kids hardly know who their parents are.

It must be unsettling to know that people who work in a nursery feel like this.

I used to be a nanny, years before I became a mum and I never thought it was detrimental to the children that their parents were out working most of the day. Because they had taken care to choose proper care for their children in the form of me! The parents had peace of mind and as my employers who was I to judge if they were doing it because the shine had worn off their children - that was so not the case!

However I became a stay-at-home mum when I had children because it was what I wanted to do. And good luck to you OP when you do have children because you'll find your experience usually counts for heehaw when dealing with your own children.

Some people want to work, some people have to work, some people get to care for their own children, some people would love to but can't. Different circumstances for different people and until that is accepted then this whole WOHM and SAHM debate will keep eating its own arse.

most unhelpful.victim blaming to suggest it's about merely tackling one's problems

PND is an illness that affects ones behaviour, self esteem,motivation,decisio making. it requires a MDT approach and support

not helpful to conceptualise it as mum tackles her "problems"

would you tell a diabetic to taclke their ticky pancreas

TTb i live and work in london.currently take uni students

The OP gives nursery nurses a bad name and I am fed up of being tarred with the "thick and uneducated" brush because of people like her

i am very fortunate to have LO at nursery with clever, vocationally orientated nursery nurses. i love the NN

Also the 'quick to criticise and not slow to collect a paycheck' brush Dannat

There are some shit childminders out there who don't have two brain cells to rub together as well as excellent ones.

My son had an outstanding childminder for four months and a shitty one for two days.

At least in a nursery there is more than one adult. There have been many studies that haven't been able to show any negative affects of nurseries.

I think there is too much paper work in the early years. It is pointless to monitor the development of babies in tick boxes. There needs to be better training for good nursery nurses and weeding out of those who really don't meet the standards. Colleges need to be allowed to fail people. More effort needs to be done to maintain standards and weed out bad nurseries.

Tittybangbang, If you saw bad practice and did nothing about it then you are as bad as the nursery nurses you complained about.

Dannat, Captain and ReallyTired you are spot on.
Yes the Op made a huge generalization but the replies oh my God... have been even worest.
So the OP doesn't think much about the working mums but also the working mums think that all Nursery Nurses are 'thick, uneducated and unhappy with dead end jobs' (!!!). Ehm, it doesnt get more sad than this. And it also comes with the old boring line 'i am a sucesful intelligent woman..blah blah i dont have a dead end job like yours ....' SAD.
(hi Captain, you see i agree with you tonight)

ScottishMummy
"most unhelpful.victim blaming to suggest it's about merely tackling one's problems

PND is an illness that affects ones behaviour, self esteem,motivation,decisio making. it requires a MDT approach and support

not helpful to conceptualise it as mum tackles her "problems"

would you tell a diabetic to taclke their ticky pancreas"

How is what I said 'Victim Blaming'? Surely you class support and medication as part of tackling problems? If the lady I know who has gone back to work feeling an inadequate mum was helped to feel better about herself as a mother, and given practical solutions to her problems, maybe she wouldn't be now feeling like she has missed out on the first years of her DS's life because she went back to work too soon.

thanks for the cut and paste- i know what i said.whats your point exactly?apart from advising mums to "tackle" their problems

by placing the onus back on the mum the implication of gun-ho language such as tackle is to imply all that PND needs is a good talking too.

step back

dont be so quick to tell other's how it is

Tiramissu, you say: "the working mums think that all Nursery Nurses are 'thick, uneducated and unhappy with dead end jobs' (!!!)"

This working-outside-the-home mum certainly doesn't! And I'll warrant most don't. I think the poster was trying to show the OP how ridiculous such generalisations (most working parents leave their children in childcare once the shine wears off) are.

There's a range of views here - which is how it should be.

OldestCat, yes i should say 'some of them', thats what i meant anyway. I just find it funny to reply to a generalization with even more -arrogant- generalizations.

Oh my aren't we in a shitty mood tonight. Yes I know how it is, thanks, and I also know that this lady could have done with help to feel better before compounding those problems by avoiding them as much as possible. She felt like she was a shitty mum, but did anyone point out that going back to work wouldn't make her feel better? NO. It didn't as a matter of fact, it made her feel worse, as she now feels guilty about the amount of time she spends away from her DS.

When I talk about 'tackling problems' I mean the lack of self esteem, etc which PND is symptomized by. I have suffered with depression myself, and although the type I suffer with is caused by something obvious, I do realise that not everyone's is as clear cut.

it often isn't worth working for the money cos of the amount you spend on childcare, but it is worth it for staying skilled and keeping your foot in the door as it were. if you were to take 5 years off you would find it much harder to get back into the same job than if you only took 1 year off. also some people have very well paid jobs and childcare doesn't make that much of a dent. some people are better parents having less time with their children cos they make sure the time they do have is quality time and they really enjoy it. absence makes the heart grow fonder and all that. some parents might get very bored and depressed spending 24/7 at home with their children - that would make them a worse parent not a better one imo. they may need time away from them to do adult things and have adult conversations that have nothing to do with children.

Also, this is not only for OldestCat but to everybody: Please bear in mind that for some of us English is second language and sometimes we dont express ourselves well so our point comes out differently (lol)

Fair enough, Tiramissu! 'some' completely changes your meaning - and I agree, it's just as insidious a generalisation.

I agree with Nappy some jobs you need to keep up with things I am an accountant and the rules etc change every year i could not possible take 5 years out and expect to go back into the job at the level I left it! Also I would go bloody mad my DS (who can I add is very shiny thank you very much) is 4 months old and I am chumping at the bit to get back to work I have had 5 months off and one more will do me its my choice and thats that.

I also think it very odd to be so out spoken on your very first post

we all have unique and personal circumstances. mums are not a homogenous mass

what is right for one isn't necessarily right for another

and amen to that

as much as i love my shiny dcs i do feel i need a break from them, but as the op says from 7 till 6 every day is a heck of a lot of time to be away from them.

I think the fact that she has started this thread even though it is tin hat area shows she cares about the LOs in her care and wants to understand how they can be left (I wondered the same before I was a mum) and the rude comments back to her/him have only served to make some on here look like a load of potty mouthed Vicky Pollards.

The mnetters giving reasons for why they have to and have answered her are I am sure why she asked in the first place.

it is a long time but for many this is no way around it.

yes NA,credit crunch recession people do what they have to

I had very severe postnatal depression and my son attended nursery part time briefly inspite of the fact I was not working. I was medically unfit to look after him. He was better at nursery.

Postnatal depression is not something that cures itself overnight, however you choose to treat it. For me, taking anti depressants was the way forward. I found councelling a total utter waste of time. Other women are different.

Ultimately to get out of depression you need a change in life circumstances. Sometimes this is possible and sometimes it isn't.

I need to work full time, its best for my family.

we all make decisions based upon our individual circumstances and i believe most mums (wohm/sahm) have lo best interest at heart

Why does the question need to be asked? Why, as a working parent am I constantly expected to justify what I do? Actually, make that as a working mother.
My dh, who also works (longer hours than I do, if it matters) has never once been asked how it feels to abandon his child/miss her early years or had it implied that he is some kind of materialistic/money hungry/feckless/selfish/crap parent who is working because the shine has worn off.

At root, qestions like the OP's however innocently phrased have squat all to do with the children's benefit or the questioner's concenrn on their behalf, and everything to do with misogyny.

Because of that, I will NEVER justify to anyone why I work. I do not believe that my choice needs to be explained or justified to anyone. Furthermore, I don't want any other woman to feel as though she needs to justify herself to me for working/SAHM. If you disagree, well, that's a democracy for you.

The only person I will ever discuss it with, should she ask is my dd.

you should be glad. those lazy selfish parents are the ones who pay your wages.