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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to think that once you have paid your childcare, its not really worth working.? Is it that you just don`t want to look after your own kid. prefering to stick them in daycare as soon as the shine wears off, it really bugs me!

1003 replies

discusturd · 17/08/2008 17:48

Some go from 7-6 and never see there parents, I know I will get slated but in the nursery I work some kids hardly know who their parents are.

OP posts:
GreenMonkies · 17/08/2008 19:28

Probably gone off to another forum to piss off another group of mothers....

SheikYerbouti · 17/08/2008 19:30

snort@beating the meat

What a truly horrid but bloody funny expression!

LindenAvery · 17/08/2008 19:31

Was going to add trip trap trip trap but unsure if this was too disrespectful.......need a crash course on troll spotting me thinks.

Loved tips on shine!

SheikYerbouti · 17/08/2008 19:31

They can't spell custard either

Maybe that's what I don't like the stuff - because there's turd in it.

SheikYerbouti · 17/08/2008 19:32

Linden, not disrespectful in the slightest!

MummytoWillow · 17/08/2008 19:39

Oh yes the shine has really worn off on my much wanted daughter who we waited 4 years for with 3 lots of IVF!! Thats why I put her in childcare because the shine has worn off!! After I've paid childcare the rest of my salary pays the bills etc, I have no choice!!

I wish the OP would FO and go and boil her head!!

ScottishMummy · 17/08/2008 20:51

i put lo in kennels nursery with strangers to maintain my avaricious spending and pot noddle consumption

Tiramissu · 17/08/2008 20:53

OMG, this is hilarious and sad together.
Firstly, i dont agree with the OP simply because her post is a huge generalization and i dont like any generalization, fullstop.
But the response of many mumsnetters is even worst than the OP's post. And why getting so aggressive if you disagree with someone?
I have the feeling that the OP is very young (plus, she said she doesn't have children yet).Oh, the things i used to say before i had children...
Someone has mentioned gap in the C.V, pension etc. Good point. Thats why i think the op is v.young and she hasn't thought all theese. But really no need to get so wind up and tell her to f.. off.
P.S. Also, (i dont mean to depress you with this), but i have worked in Nurseries years ago and it is actually very common for the staff to express this sort of views (but it doesn't mean that they will mistreat the children in their care)

LackaDAISYcal · 17/08/2008 20:56

tiramissu, the OP is a troll and deserves as much contempt as she is getting.

MsSparkle · 17/08/2008 20:58

I was told by someone how worked in a nursery (who was very young) the views of the op too. I was also told by her that she wasn't allowed to tell the parents if the child had done a first whilst at nursery either (such as crawling/saying something/steps etc.)

Tiramissu · 17/08/2008 21:02

MsSparkle you are right
LackaDaisycal, thanks. I am new and dont recognise trolls (lol) but i trust you the oldest ones so ok maybe troll then. I just thought maybe genuine young one student who just started her placement in Nursery

LongLiveCuckoo · 17/08/2008 21:06

I can't afford to pay childcare for two. I wouldn't be able to earn 2 grand a month, NET. I never really understand when people say they have to work, they can't afford not to. I can't afford to work.

ScottishMummy · 17/08/2008 21:07

ahhhh the ole "I know someone who knows someone who works at nursery and they said..." whisper

when the nursery staff pay my wages
manage my caseload
pay my mortgage
maybe then i will be bothered

until then i am
this treat call my name because lo only cries for Nursery nurse anyway, not lil ole me

LackaDAISYcal · 17/08/2008 21:09

hey, less of the "oldest"

I can appreciate they aren't allowed to tell firsts. I would've been gutted to find out that DS had done something monumental and not been allowed to discover it for myself.

I can also appreciate that these are the views of young girls barely out of school who stay at home and have no concept of earning to keep a family afloat and out of debt. They'll learn the hard way I suppose.

ScottishMummy · 17/08/2008 21:10

but my nursery does and did telephone or tell me about milestones.

Tittybangbang · 17/08/2008 21:28

Get your sticks out ladies.....

Because I'm afraid I'm one of those people who has serious misgivings about babies and very tiny children (much under 3) doing 60 hours a week in group childcare.

Comes from working in FE - used to teach on nursery nursing courses. My perception was that for every bright, kind, creative student on the course there was one who was rough and thick. I think some of the girls on the course I taught on had been badly parented themselves and were simply not mature enough to be building constructive, stable, trusting relationships with other people's small children. And stable, trusting relationships are what babies and tiny children need. And yes - almost all the students got jobs after graduating.

The teacher who was in charge of the course used to come back from doing placement observations practically crying about the bad practice she'd seen. Because she was only there to observe the students the nurseries never made any special accomodation for her, so basically she saw what was going on warts and all.

I think there are good nurseries - well managed and with low staff turnovers, but there are lots of nurseries with very high staff turnovers. And - don't shoot me - while there are outstanding staff doing amazing jobs with other people's children (my own sister is a nursery teacher and is soooooo lovely and kind) , there are also lots of Vicky Pollards out there working in nurseries I'm afraid - poorly educated, poorly parented young women...... people I really wouldn't want to be spending more time raising my child than me!

On a personal note - against my better judgement and in a moment of desperation I put my first child in an expensive nursery which was part of a well known chain, when she was one. I took her out after turning up to collect her one day and being told that she had very bad nappy rash. As her bum had been fine when I'd dropped her off that morning I was puzzled. Took her home and had a look - her bum was actually blistered and weeping. I realised she must have been sitting in a shitty, wet nappy for several hours and felt very cross. Later that night when I was in bed I started to think about what had happened and it suddenly dawned on me that the reason why she'd sat in a dirty nappy for two or three hours was because no adult had gone anywhere near her for that time. They hadn't picked her up, kissed her, sat her on their lap, hugged her. I thought about her time at home with me and how different that was - how casual hugs and kisses are part of the common currency of our relationship, and it made me feel so sad that she could go hours and hours at nursery every day without being touched and held.

Decided afterwards that I'd not put another of my children in group childcare until they were old enough to tell me how they felt about what they were doing when they weren't with me - ie until they were at least 3.

LackaDAISYcal · 17/08/2008 21:35

i think that's an argument/opinion for another thread tittybangbang.

BouncingTurtle · 17/08/2008 21:44

TittyTittyBanbg - that's awful
I can understand your misgivings.
One of the things that helped me decide on my son's nursery was other parent recommendations - I know a few parents whose babies and toddlers are there and they have been very pleased with the high standard of care they received. I would hope that your dd's experience was a very rare one.
Longlivecuckoo - IKWYM about having to pay for one more child - but it isn't always the case! Some people are lucky enough to be able to afford to pay for fulltime cc for more than one child and still beworthwhile, maybe they have access to some cheap/free childcare as well, you don't know that!

ScottishMummy · 17/08/2008 21:51

TTB having observed MsPollard watching the children you immediately raised your moral and educational concerns?

You of course you acted to prevent these alleged poorly parented reprobates from progressing on the course and onto to nursery posts?

did you?
or was it just collected your wages
kept your head down

this is a variation on the i know someone who knows someone whisper...

givemeabreak · 17/08/2008 22:02

i dont use childcare as i dont need to but do think u are being unreasonable. I know a couple of people that have had postnatel depression and gone back to work earning next to nothing after childcare. One friend loves her kids dearly but says she has never felt a good mother. Shes not selfish at all but postnatel depression told her that her kids they would be...

Tittybangbang · 17/08/2008 22:04

If someone a) turns up to college regularly b) completes the assignments and c) doesn't infringe the rules of the institution, then you have no grounds for getting them off the course.

And yes - of course you'd raise concerns, but what can you do when it's basically a matter of personality more than anything else?

Colleges have to pass the majority of students on their courses otherwise they get their wrists slapped by the learning and skills council. And by 'wrists slapped' I mean 'lose serious amounts of government funding'.

And no - you can't turn away large numbers of students who pitch up for interview because you suspect they're a bit inadequate. If you think they'll be able to get the coursework done and they're not obviously mad, bad or dangerous then you offer them a place. It's all about bums on seats don't you know?

No - I agree, it's not right.

givemeabreak · 17/08/2008 22:06

..better off in childcare. I dont think your comments can be helping women with postnatel depression that have decided to go back to work albeit for no financial gain.

ScottishMummy · 17/08/2008 22:08

i also have taken students and if the team or i have any concerns they dont pass.no oh ah protocols etc.they dont pass

you can exercise your professional judgement, refer them back to Uni.at very leart they retake a placement placement

i wouldn't pass anyone i wouldn't want treating a memeber of my family

familiaritybreedscontempt · 17/08/2008 22:16

I know this is so not helpful, but shouldn't (in an ideal world, ehich this is not) women with PND be treated and tackle the root of theier problem rather than go back to work and hope it goes away by itself?

Tittybangbang · 17/08/2008 22:18

You live in Scotland.

I suspect things are very different where you are.

In the institutions I worked in (left in 2005) it was very hard to fail students.

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