AIBU to think that once you have paid your childcare, its not really worth working.? Is it that you just don`t want to look after your own kid. prefering to stick them in daycare as soon as the shine wears off, it really bugs me!

[discusturd]

Some go from 7-6 and never see there parents, I know I will get slated but in the nursery I work some kids hardly know who their parents are.

April - of course you aren't a bad parent! Children thrive on having a loving, secure relationship within the home and from having a stimulating life learning to build other relationships and developing their skills and talents. Hmmm .... bit like us adults really

People keep going on about the (fairly recent usually) past but years ago 'work' was classed as any work, paid or unpaid, to benefit the family. Alot of the time children were close to their mothers/relatives while parents worked. I also doubt that we really have equality, women are doing more I would say. I know alot of working mums who still do all/most the housework, the double workload. I don't see why being 'equal' should mean less choices and slotting into mens work patterns. What is a 'career' anyway? Selling your time/skills to an employer. Nothing wrong with using your time/skills to meet your childs needs instead (often more rewarding than some companies).

"They do far more at nursery than i could think of doing with them."

See there we go again - another parent thinking that nursery is sooo much better for a child than being with it's parent. It's an insidious idea that seems to be getting more and more widespread. Not saying that it might not be true in some cases but surely not for the majority.

happyhoney - I think what findtheriver is talking about is your earning power - as you said, your husband earns 10x what you're able to.

I'm single but I've only ever had one partner who earned as much as I do. If I were to settle down with someone, it's fairly unlikely he'd earn as much as me.

That throws up a whole load of different issues regarding parenting and who is best to stay home with children. It's very interesting I think and frankly I'd much rather this discussion was broadened to discuss men's role in parenting rather than sticking to this tired old groove over and over again.

"and from having a stimulating life learning to build other relationships and developing their skills and talents"

And they can't have that unless they go to nursery? I don't believe that.

Absolutely correct, Jellybeans.

juuule - where have I said that men and women shouldn't have an equal choice? If you read the posts, you'll see that I'm all for equality!
I don't accept that it's possible to fulfil all the things that an career can bring you within the home. If I was not doing my job, I would not have access to the up to date training and knowledge I receive,I wouldnt meet the range of people I do, I wouldnt be managing other people in the situations I do. That;s simply a fact. Of course it's perfectly possible to do interesting and stimulating things at home. But it's simply not true that you can replicate all the things that being at work can bring.
And FGS stop whinging about patronising posts. If you have a point to make, do it without trying to invent spurious criticisms of other people's posts. It's dull!

Nusery does give them social skills though and really does help them get on with other people and be less dependant and shy.

Findtheriver none of your posts have been patronising.

juuule - why can you not accept a parent saying that nursery can offer things that COMPLEMENT what goes on at home ??
No one on this thread, to my knowledge, has said that nursery is 'better' than they are as a parent!
Of course a child can learn a lot of things at home, and build relationships etc etc. But a nursery environment can ENRICH their experience. Why is that so hard to understand? I am absolutely central to my childrens lives, as is my husband. But I would never have the sheer arrogance to think that I can singlehandedly provide everything my children are entitled to! There's a big wide world out there... and hey, some of it is really exciting you know!

Thank you MC

Mariecharlie - my 5yo has never been to nursery or school - she has very good social skills (according other people as well as me) better than some children who go to nursery/school.

findtheriver - if you think that there is nothing challenging in life unless you go out to work then you have a rather narrow view of life imo. It was only after I left work that I realised there was a whole world of stuff out there. But then perhaps my career wasn't as good a career as yours Having said that lots of parents woh in jobs where they feel brain-dead.
Spurious criticisms just seeing happyhoney's point of view.

I resent the fact that my man will always earn more than me simply because he doesn't keep having to take career breaks for children. However I would not give up being the one to look after the kids in the chances I do get. I think it is the most amazing think ever. The most i'd let him have is half.

I think it reads to me as if Juuule has completely closed her mind off to any other version of the truth, other than her own.

Someone who just can't believe that anyone else might not choose the same course of action as she has. Self-justifying, tedious, boring, repetitive posts.

I figured that my dc's have the best of both worlds. They get to play and learn whilst i clean the house, do the shopping etc then when they are at home i can do fun things and not have to drag them round the shops.

As a parent and a person you have to make decisions that are right for you and your family. Whether that decision is being a SAHM or whether thats going back to work and having to use nanny's or nurseries. Bills dont pay themselves and you need pennies (however many) to live.

Some ladies are born to be parents and the SAHM thing works for them, others are career girls that need to have their brains challenged, so have to mix work and parenting. I am a career girl and whilst that was tiring i knew that my children were well looked after and that by working i was able to provide for their future.

My kids dont resent me for putting them in nursery, most of the time they are chomping at the bit to get there in the mornings.

I am fortunate that i no longer have to work, but why should i penalise the kids and take them out of the nursery they love so much jsut to sit at home jsut because i am here. I have reduced their hours down from doing 3 full days a one half to doing 2 full days and 3 halfs (they do the same time as before just split differently). In time i might cut it again but i figured that ds is going to school next year and i cant very well not send him because i am at home.. By going to nursery he is used to doing full on days of learning and playing so it wont be such a shock to his little system.

I think some people need a reality check!

"the sheer arrogance to think that I can singlehandedly provide everything my children are entitled to"

I don't think I've said that I think that either. Just that not going to nursery doesn't mean children will miss out on things.

Juuule,

Don't worry - you are not allowed to disagree with OP on here or else you get these sorts of comments.

"Someone who just can't believe that anyone else might not choose the same course of action as she has. Self-justifying, tedious, boring, repetitive posts."

That's how I'm beginning to feel about findtheriver's posts.

Juuule Im very happy that this is the case for you, however there are lots of children that adore nusery because of the other types of experiences that it offers them. Some children really do benifit from a different angle on life and they love their time at home just as much.

Juuule,

I like the fact you are enjoying your kids more since giving up work. I stopped working in march and at first felt like you do but latley have been thinking - maybe I'll enjoy them more if I work. I've had a bit of a lightbulb momment - actually just need to get on with apprecating what I've got and how lucky i am.

'findtheriver - if you think that there is nothing challenging in life unless you go out to work then you have a rather narrow view of life imo. '

Oh FFS juuules - I give up, as you are clearly incapable of reading the posts, or choosing to ignore what you don;t want to see. Yes, I think there are lots of exciting and challenging things in life. Relationships, parenting, hobbies, reading, art, film....... And having an exciting career is yet another aspect of life. It doesnt take away from anything else. It is IN ADDITION TO.
Just because you had to leave work to find out that life can be exciting does not mean that the same is true of everyone else. In fact, given that most parents DO work, then it's a good thing we aren't all so negative about it. And yes, I agree that having an interesting and stimulating career gives a greater chance of that. And you are more likely to end up in an interesting career if you have high skill levels, good social skills, ability to interact, problem solve etc etc .... hmmmmm.. all the things we are all aiming for our children to achieve, interestingly!

I am going back to work in January - for a rest!

Against my better judgement I opened this thread hoping to find that sense had prevailed and nobody was being criticised for their choices.

But it is the same old, same old. Either you are a Strepford wife, under the thumb of your husbands, not fulfilling any mediocre potential you might have had and turning yourself into a martyr to raise children irreparably damaged by your choices.

Or you are a Strepford career woman, dumping your children in nursery so fulfill your selfish aims and raising children who are irreparably damaged by your choices.

Good grief, can we not move on from this? We all have choices, we all chose what is best for our families. Are any of us so insecure that we are seriously need to justify ourselves to anybody we have never met.

Why do these debates end up so polarised anyway? How many of us never work again once our children are born and how many of us leave our children with childcare and head back to work 2 weeks after our babies are born? Surely a vast majority of us will be both SAHM and WOHM so why the arguments? It is a question of where we all have to find a balance but nobody is doing anything wrong.

What do they do at nursery thatis better than being at home?

Here here Niece