AIBU to think that once you have paid your childcare, its not really worth working.? Is it that you just don`t want to look after your own kid. prefering to stick them in daycare as soon as the shine wears off, it really bugs me!

[discusturd]

Some go from 7-6 and never see there parents, I know I will get slated but in the nursery I work some kids hardly know who their parents are.

I won't post the 100 reasons why working mothers are better for families and stay at home mothers damage their children as it's all been said before but these born again Stepford Wives never learn.

As for the parents' wages hardly covering child care (no woman in 2008 regards a childcare cost as her own unless she was brought up in rural Pakistan under purdah surely) that's only if the woman has such a low IQ and made such silly career choices that she earns something de minimis like under £50k surely. Why not just pick a better career if you're worried you can't even cover the cost of a nanny.

I am going. OP keep missing the point - we were talking about babies in f/t childcare not p/t care. What's the point? Yawn.

TBH I think most people with young babies in childcare, have to work. I can't do my job PT so I will be working full time, I have to do that to live however with my annual bonus I will book a holiday, treat myself to stuff etc.

I think for many people this will be the case, people I know who do work for fun money tend to do so part-time. Working full time, caring for a young baby, making sure you finish dead on 5 etc is not a fun existence that many people would do unless they have an amazing job or have to.

Ah Xenia, what took you so long?

I think you are going to have a lot of posters revolting at the idea that they stay at home only because they have "such a low IQ and made such silly career choices that she earns something de minimis like under £50k surely."

In the interests of balance I should point out that anyone earning over £40k is actually in the top 10% of earners. And 50k is not deminimis.

Xenia - can you post the 100 reasons somewhere, it will make me feel more positive about my imminent return to work?

A friend of mine does. She works in publishing, her husband a city banker. Her wages pretty much cover the nanny, his everything else. I don't think this situation is upsetting to her, or problematic. She'd rather work than stay at home, job doesn't pay lots - she pays for the nanny.

Don't think it's a problem tbh.

Xenia - get a life, what planet are you on? Right defintley off now, some of you are sooo boring.

Xenia, that is ONLY the case when the mother can earn MORE than she would have to pay out in childcare. You always overlook that.

I'm not even married, so I'm not a stepford wife. I've nobody to share childcare costs with me.

I have the IQ to see the World not just from my own sphere of reference. I understand why working is a no-brainer for some and staying at home is a no-brainer for others.

If your IQ is so high, how come you don't get that?

well said Quattro

discusturd - If you still can't see that there are reasons why parents decide to do this then you should be working elsewhere.

However I see you want an answer - so here goes. You may have started a low paid job but with great prospects, so you keep at it. Many low paid workers, do all the hours God sends because that is how they better themselves and their families for the future and it works.

My children went through nursery but now they are at school and I have a career that means I am around for them during the holidays and at the beginning and end of the school day.

Do they remember anything much of nursery? No, not really, not from what they have told me. DD2 went back to hers when she was 8 with a friend of mine who needed to collect her youngest daughter and DD2 didn't recognise any of the staff or the building, however two members of staff recognised her so I am told by my friend. So no it has not played any attachment problems, they certainly know who their parents are. There is nothing to feel guilty for.

Did she do it from her baby being 5/6mths old? I don't think it's a problem just never seen it myself with people with such little babies.

Oh and FWIW my Mum is amazing, we're incredibly close, speak everyday and live 5mins from eachother and she worked FT (incl international travel) from when I was 6mnths old.

"Just out of interest, does anyone here put children in FT nursery just to pay for holidays, luxuries, shoes etc?"

my friend used to be part time. then realised she would only be able to go on holiday abroad once a year and cut back on her nights out.

so she just went back to work full time so she could continue 3 holidays a year and her regular fri night piss up.

Is that to me Ewe? If so, the answer is yes, an emphatic yes in fact.

You and your Mum are a perfect example then of what I was trying to say earlier. [round of applause]

Though obviously, is possible with a SAHM too. Of course.

This nuclear family ideal where mothers stay home with their children in a one to one (or 2 or 3) relationship is a social construct of the West of the last 50 years or so. It didn't exist before then. In the UK poorer women worked, richer women used nannies. In other societies, children are raised by the wider community.

This whole discussion rests on a false dichotomy.

So. Red corner: Mums who put their kids in kiddie kennels to be looked after by either 'Saintly Angels dripping with degrees' or 'Vicky Pollards' (delete as per your preference), whilst they saunter round thinking only of themselves. Definitely shouldn't have had kids in the first place, but will get their comeuppance when the poor neglected retrobates end up in prison.

Blue Corner: Mums who like to be kept women who will be lucky if they have anything to talk to their husbands about at the end of the day and who are so wrapped up in their precious brood that they forgot to have a life and who are a disgrace on the society that educated them to do so much more (but it doesn't matter because they all had boring jobs instead of careers, anyway)

In the Green Corner: The poor sods who have to work regardless

Now, is there anyone left who I haven't roundly generalised about and insulted?

Good. Next thread.....

It's no bloody wonder men still rule the world when women can't stop bloody bickering over the garden fence.

Chibi - I hear you girl, I hear you.

[wobbles]

oh lordy... I go away for a bit and now we're onto the old chestnut of thinking that only a full time stay home parent (well, mother, because let's face it, that's what it usually is) can experience the full joy of raising a child, watching it crawl, walk blah blah blah
We all raise our children, whether we go out to work or not. No one makes this sort of claim about fathers who work. It's dull dull dull!

this is a horrible thread.

i'm a SAHM, and some of you guys make me feel really shite about that choice the way your bitching at each other.

but i think if i worked full time i'd still feel really shite reading you guys tear each other to shreads.

By StripeyKnickersSpottySocks on Sun 17-Aug-08 19:01:29
"Maybe you need a better paid job - guess if you have a low paid, dead end job then financially no its not worth it. I on the other hand have a great career so yes it is worth it."

By StripeyKnickersSpottySocks on Sun 17-Aug-08 19:03:28
"Ah yes, I see you do have a low paid, dead end job"

these posts were to the op who says she works in a nursery

stripey, I hope you don't use a nursery if you have such a low opinion of the staff!

Jesus. Are you real. Posts like your OP really really really piss me off.

If I pay for childcare by myself, I still end up with £1000 after tax / NI.

I work 8 til 4. On flexi. Can work from home.

Maybe you need a better job love.

Elmo - for you to get upset by this thread, I think you must be relatively new.

This debate is a very very old debate. It is called Wohm vs Sahm and it has been going on for as long as the Wars of the Roses.

Sahms are always either or both of brainless and dependent whose husbands will surely leave them as they are so dull

Wohms are always heartless or money grabbing and their children will end up as delinquents and their husbands will surely leave them as they are so busy

Do not get upset by it, no-one else is, it's just a ritual, like a japanese tea ceremony.

"Sahms are always either or both of brainless and dependent whose husbands will surely leave them as they are so dull

Wohms are always heartless or money grabbing and their children will end up as delinquents and their husbands will surely leave them as they are so busy"

true, true... there is never a middle ground where the vast majority of parents are doing their uptmost best for their children

First and last time I get dragged into one of these! It is a stupid thread and agree with the debate will go on and on............ No need for anyone to feel that their choice isn't the right one for them.

Okay, ranting aside...

Sometimes families are in the position where they will not get enough benefits to cover staying at home, but barely get enough to cover childcare plus some bills when they do work. Nor does one partner earn enough to enable the other to stay at home.

DH & I both work and although I come out with a decent wage, when you take into account the amount of bills that we have, we're not rolling in dough, we have to be careful with money. But me not working would put my family in a dire financial situation.

I'm lucky where I work, its very flexible, and the further I progress, the better it will be for my family (more money, financially able to work PT etc) but I know it is not like that for everybody. And the pay is not always good everywhere.

i see this has digressed to working mums baaaad. just go without the luxuries like mortagae etc.usual mantra same ole same ole

wear scratchy pants
don't go on holiday

Oh really

well actually working does pay for my foreign holiday and why not.being solvent buys me a certain lifestyle i am not prepared to give that up. also working keeps me stimulated and vocationally satisfied

the world is becoming a smaller place, availability of travel, access to different culture. locations. i consider myself fortunate to have travelled with lo since a baby to far flung places

of course i want to participate in that with my child

i am not prepared to go without travel,mortgage,and consumer durables to become a mummy martyr.mooching about never getting further than uk for what?

to win the giving things up competition