AIBU to think that once you have paid your childcare, its not really worth working.? Is it that you just don`t want to look after your own kid. prefering to stick them in daycare as soon as the shine wears off, it really bugs me!

[discusturd]

Some go from 7-6 and never see there parents, I know I will get slated but in the nursery I work some kids hardly know who their parents are.

"Quad i am very lucky that my husband has a well paid job"

Ah so are you suggesting that unless we have well-heeled husbands we should not have children? Because that's the (ultimately ludicrous) crux of your argument is it not?

Have you considered the impact of your choices? What sort of role model do you think you are for your children? You're providing a message to your children that women don't work.

I am flabaghasted that OP seems to think that a working mother is the only appropraite role model. A stay at home mum is an equally good role model. I a personally am glad that my DH earns a decent amount of money to support us but i work too and for bloody free.

If you have no option but to put your children in childcare for 10hours a day, then you have no option. If that's the case then ignore this thread or take the problems with childcare that have been highlighted and check that they don't occur in the childcare setting that you use.
Seems madness to attack people for drawing attention to shortcomings in childcare.

Twinkle - you said "What I have a problem with is ..."

Why is this your problem? Other people's childcare arrangements are simply not your problem.

You haven't addressed the issue of the women unfortunate enough to be married to men who don't earn enough money, or who leave them or who die etc etc.

Her name is Quatt not Quad.

[just passing emoticon]

Is everday development priceless though? That is my question. It's actually NOT that interesting, though I know we're supposed to have masses invested in watching someone walk, or throw a ball, but in the scheme of things not actually hugely fascinating ime.

People convince themselves it is, not sure why. It's mostly a chore.

I don't think raising small children is rocket science. Mother's hugely over-estimate their importance in the ever day development. If you can get someone else to do it for part of the day, then all well and good. If you'd rather do it, then that's dandy too.

Is the argument over yet?

Oh hello 100x. The voice of sanity and reason, as ever.

But we are not talking part of the day, we are talking from early morning to early evening. I'm sure that a lot of babies would be going to bed shortly after arriving home and at most a parent would have an hour with them.

I think babies can be boring and a chore but it's not all about the adult. I found the milestones fascinating and would be sad to miss them although as I intend to put 3rd baby in childcare p/t before they are 1 - I may.

And I thought I was being controversial

But I do sort of mean it. It's not that interesting. I have come to the opinion that spreading the workload of motherhood is a very good thing, for everyone. Is the way forward I think. Don't think it jeopardizes relationship with dcs, possibly enhances it if you have the right people.

Last messgae was to ahundredtimes

Well milestones are OKAY. But only because it's your job and therefore you like targets, and frankly it's good because something actually happens.

OMG he crawled today.

Over the years, you then realize it wasn't all that big a deal, it's just something they do, but you were a bit bored and so thought it was huge.

I dunno. Long hours in a nursery probably not idea, I agree, but not a lot of things are ideal.

Just out of interest, does anyone here put children in FT nursery just to pay for holidays, luxuries, shoes etc?

I do not know of anyone in RL who does this, it seems these are the people you want to crucify as you've excused those of us who are lone parents or work to pay our mortgages.

No, not controversial at all 100x. If I looked after my own children all day long, I would go demented, but more importantly they would undoubtedly go demented too ... Bit of balance good for everyone.

Yes Twinkle, you've expressed your opinion. I threw a few 'what if?' scenarios at you but you didn't seem to deal with them. How have you reached this firmly held opinion btw? Did you think the logic through or is it more of a knee-jerk reaction? 'Cos right now, it's sounding like the latter.

Was going to say that I don't think Quatt is throwing up scenarios, I think she's challenging your opinion. That should be okay.

I don't know anyone who does this, no! I do know women who pretty much pay for their childcare with most of their wages. That's their choice. I think it's a perfectly sound one personally.

ahundredtimes - being a mother isn't just a chore, it's a relationship. Children learn about the world, about regulating thier emotions, about themselves, THROUGH their relationships with those closest to them.

From "Why Love Matters" (explains it better than I can

"Human babies, like all mammals, are born wired for survival, but uniquely, we are wired to do so through other people. By smiling cutely long before they can walk or talk, babies ensure that the adults in their lives are sufficiently besotted to forgive them the sleepless nights and want to keep them alive. Being smiled at in return teaches the baby the rewards of communication and primes the infant brain for more. Good parenting isn't just nice for the baby; it leads to good development of the baby's prefrontal cortex, which in turn enables the growing child to develop self-control and empathy, and to feel connected to others. Interaction, it turns out, is the high road from merely human to fully humane. "

The person who is most responsive and tuned in to a baby is generally the person who is most fully emotionally engaged with them. Why do you think people say 'nobody understands my child the way I do?'. Sue Gerhardt is saying that children need this type of highly responsive care in the first few years of life for optimal emotional health in later life.

Well then I think that's great Twinkle. But I think you are wrong to say your children are going to be happier because of it. But I'm pleased you are happy, because that is hugely important really.

Ewe,

Ok so everyone that you know who has a baby in nursery f/t does not have holidays or any other luxuries? I know at least a couple of families that plead poverty but have big houses and go on nice holidays and yes their babies went to childcare f/t. I am not out to crucify anyone or excuse anyone. We make our choices.........

And I am not sure what is the right thing to do, work not work, work part time, full timeetc - I just would'nt leave my baby in a nursery for most of its waking life unles I had to.

Well I had to find a PT job where I have to go into work everyday and I really wish I didn't have to - because at the end of the day, after childcare (and that's with two days being taken care of by my mum and a neighbour), I am left with what I had on maternity pay which has to pay the bills, food and petrol. And travel to get to work. It's all pants. But it's the way things are these days. Next year when the next one is due, I won't be able to afford two childcares so I will have to work a sunday and evenings probably and DH is looking for a better paid job. Interesting to know what the OP's financial set up is. perhaps no high mortgage, wealthy partner...? I'm not plowing through 17 pages of post to find out either....

Oh yes, it is a relationship, you are right. And it goes on and on. And is a hugely important and crucial relationship for everyone.

You are v. lucky if you have a good mother, I think.

But the definition of a good mother isn't actually being there all the time. People think it is, a lot is invested in thinking that is the case, but I'm not 100% it is the case tbh. I think there's much more to it than that.

There certainly is as they get older.

Slickbird - general feeling is that OP is a troll!

Also, the final argument is always 'I couldn't do it' which I don't think very helpful or convincing.

How if you had to? Then you'd find a way to keep a good relationship with your child, to work hard, to understand the people who were with your child during the day etc etc. That's if you were a good mother, of course.

I did ask whether women without rich partners were then not supposed to have children but no-ones been able to answer that point.

Actually, I am being a little disingenuous because I think people should work if they want to and not if they don't. If they don't want to work then as long as they've got someone prepared to pay the bills, then that's fine too. As 100x says, it's all about being happy with the choice that you make.