AIBU to think that once you have paid your childcare, its not really worth working.? Is it that you just don`t want to look after your own kid. prefering to stick them in daycare as soon as the shine wears off, it really bugs me!

[discusturd]

Some go from 7-6 and never see there parents, I know I will get slated but in the nursery I work some kids hardly know who their parents are.

You also have to provide for your kids Twinkie and make sure they survive. Go back 100 years and babies were being euthanised cos parents couldnt feed them and needed to save what resourses they had for the kids before them.

Kids thrive best with happy parents - that is the bottom line in all these studies. If the OP has been reading Oliver James's turgid nonssense, like it appears, then she needs to get out more and see some real life - amybe even have a child of her own and then feel fit to pass opinion, rather than some embarresing verbal vomit that shows her up her ignorance on the subject.

But some people revel in their ignorance.

Life is sometimes more shitty that you, and the pious OP can possibly imagine. Nurseries are the least of peoplesd worries.

I am lucky enough to live beside one of the highest ofsted ranking nurseries in the country and DS went there 1 day a weeks and his social and communication skills soared as they wouldn;t have the chance to in my company alone.

Kids need to be brought up prepared for the environment they will enter at school - and saying that - what is school? Does the OP include that as foisting your kids off and nto caring for them? Is not nursery part of the educational process? Of course it is.

Beanieb,

I have no problem with people putting there children in nursery ft for any reason - if they want to - fine - nothing to do with me. However, what I find difficult to swallow is people who talk about 'having' to do this because of money issues and then seem to have luxuries. I am all for freedom of choice but can't quite get my head around - baby in f/t care - because we need the money......to go on a 2 week foreign holiday.

So Happyhoney, what would you rather they do and why?

Working mothers get loads of stick from all directions - poor potty training, divorce, poolry behaved kids, the credit crunch, global warming - apparently we are responsible for all the ills in society. I enjoy my job as a teacher and I have worked hard to climb the ladder. My son is 2 and has been at nursery for 3 days a week since he was 6 months. I spent a long time finding a suitable nursery and he is very happy there. He is at nursery from 8-4.30pm. I miss him lots and lots and sometimes the guilt is there. However, I am contributing to society financially, providing a loving home for my family, paying mortgage, etc as well as being a good role model for my son. I know mums who stay at home and some (not all) stick their kids in front of the TV and use motherhood as an excuse to be lazy whilst criticising us women who contribute!I am not criticising anyone but I am doing what is necessary financially and also what is right for MY family

Yes, God forbid that people should have holidays, or other such luxuries.

There was a thread on here recently about someone who had a friend who was saying she really didn't want to go back to work, she was dreading leaving her PFB in childcare, but she had to because they had to maintain the mortgage on their 4 bedroom detached house in leafy Suburbia or something. I'll see if I can find it for you - made for interesting reading.

Beanieb,

I would'nt rather they do anything - it's up to them. I personally could not justify putting any of my children in f/t childcare (when they were babies at least) so I could have luxuries. I feel that they are only small for a very short period - you can have holidays abroad etc later on - you will never get the early years back.

Yeah - who'd want a foreign holiday when you've got small children anyway? They only get in the way. Mind you - these feckless bastards usually just leave the kids with the nanny and swan off to the Maldives for a spot of dolphin fishing while their poor, neglected kids are pining away for their absent parents, don't they?

What these threads always, always boil down to is - it works for me, but not for you. So I'll keep on doing what I'm doing, as it works well for me, and you keep on doing what you're doing, as it works for you.

thesuburbanDryad

IMO we should all be able to have a holiday every year, but if the pay off is having to put my baby in f/t childcare - I'd rather not.

'Sometimes you have to compromise on what you think is best.'

• Titty, I didnt agree with some of your earlier posts, and the book you linked to isnt really relevant to this thread, but I do agree with the above statement, and I think it's pretty crucial to the whole debate.

Life is all about compromise, not just in the way we bring up our kids, but in every other aspect of our lives. Once you enter into a relationship and decide to have a family, you are basically accepting that there is no one, 'correct' method for doing anything. You operate within the limitations of your own circumstances, and make the decisions which you think are in the best interests of your family as a whole. When you have more than one child, you realise this even more - all children are individuals and what suits one child may not suit another. For example, two of my children loved their after school club. The other was not particularly enthusiastic about it. He didnt hate it, and he wasnt unhappy, but tbh he would have preferred to not go. So what should I have done? Tried to find alternative care for one of my 3 kids? - Logistically very difficult, and ds would probably not have wanted that anyway. Give up my job? Sit around all day just so I was available to pick my kids up at 3.30? - I think not. Not a great example to set to my kids. I would have been bored, frustrated. We would probably have had to downsize to a cramped house and had to scrimp and worry about every penny. And what if in a year's time, ds had suddenly wanted to go to the after school club - I would then have given up my career for what?? DH give up his job? - ditto above. Now, several years on from this scenario, has my ds been irreparably damaged by attending an after school club? Course not! All 3 children are bright, confident and well adjusted. You could say that I compromised my children for the sake of my career. Or you could look at it another way : my children are living life in the real world, where they won't always get exactly what they, as individuals, want at that particular moment in time. They have learned that of course they are loved and secure, but that adults are not there to pander to their every whim. They know that they have two parents who have interesting and stimulating careers, and hopefully this will help them aspire to achieving interesting work lives too. Yes, life is all about compromise.

prior to pg we got a mortgage based on 2adult wages.still need 2 adult wages

i love the just go without tv/big house etc arguement.are you seriously suggesting sell, move out, drop living standard because i had a baby

sheesh having a baby is pleasurable. not a giving things up wear-scratchy-knickers-dont-go-on-holiday-i-am-a-martyr-i-am-mum-i-am-woman competition

i happen to love working
love my child
love my telly
love dallying at clinique counter

working facilitates all these things...

As long as you can live with that no problem with me.

Agree with aniseed.
I also know SAHMs (some, not all!!) who are constantly looking for a "break" from their DCs they can go off shopping or have a manicure. Or they regularly go to the gymn and put the DC in creche. So where's the difference there? In nursery they get structured activities in a place they are familiar and comfortable with, with staff they like. (or you wouldn't have them there in the first place!) OF course I'm only talking part-time time at nursery here. I don't like the idea of full-time, but don't slam those who do.
Personally, I would prefer to do something worthwhile and earn some money for the family as my "break." than have a pointless pamper. And if it's for a holiday, then so what? It's for the family, after all. It means we can all spend quality time together.

I'd rather have a pointless pamper, personally (try saying that 10 times fast! ) but that's probably just me...

Gateau - i am only talking about babies being in nursery f/t.

I have been on the receiving end of comments relating to the idea that I work just to pay for posh clothes, luxuries, etc.

All incorrect! We holiday once a year in a caravan in sunny old England. I rarely buy clothes for myself and we hardly ever eat out. I use the money to pay for our living - esp with credit crunch. Without this money dh would work 7 days a week and not see ds - is this right??? (I am also saving madly to cover bills for when I am next on maternity leave and for ds future in the form of a savings account). I get a bit tired of feeling that I have to justify myself. Motherhood is hard enough already - really mums we should be sticking together not competing to see who is doing the best or worst job!

i do work for clothes, mortgage, foreign holiday, vocational satisfaction,big tv.no qualms either

Yiu are justifying yourself - no need. It's your life, your family.

Happy honey - so are you just upset about the parents who have expensive holidays but don't take their kids?

Don't we all want our children to aspire to be the best in their relationships, experiences and careers. I want my dd to do her best in life and persue whatever makes her happy.

But, as soon as she has kids she needs to give all of that up and sacrifice her life to look after them. Surely in this day in age we can have it all - family, careers, happiness?

And for all those women who support stay at home mothers exclusively remember that next time you want to see a female gp, midwife, hv, policewoman, hairdresser etc, etc, etc... Or assume they're all childless.

BTW, that was to aniseed.

I think I have lost the thread of this conversation. What does expensive holidays have to do with anything ?

beanieb - I'm not upset at all. As I have said before I would'nt and could not justify putting my baby in nursery f/t unless I really neede the money for essentials. If people choose to do this - it's their lives. Again, if people go on holiday without their kids - up to them.

what has happened to the OP/troll?

Sitting back enjoying the fall-out I should think. Wouldn't bother giving it any more time really, its what they wanted.

the martyr position was posted, oh just do without holidays/tv/big house/internet

wear scratchy pants
dont get your hair done
no fripperies

you are a mum you know

And parents of multiples are very common

Someone might come and correct me, but I think about 1 in a 100 pregnancies is a multiple. And doesn't it stand to reason that it's more challenging for parents to care for two babies at once? And that a parent being stretched in this way might sometimes be emotionally disadvantageous to a child? And that's with a parent who is fully emotionally engaged - unlike a nursery nurse whose emotional engagement with the child is very much less than a parent's would be, not to consider the impact of poor pay, emotional immaturity etc.

"Now, several years on from this scenario, has my ds been irreparably damaged by attending an after school club? Course not! All 3 children are bright, confident and well adjusted.
You could say that I compromised my children for the sake of my career."

Sigh. We were talking about babies in full time group day care. Not older children. As I said - different issues.

Nobody is saying 'don't work at all'. Nobody is saying that having working parents categorically damages all children in the same way - so why are you all coming out with these defensive comments?

I have had my own children in nursery care. I went back to work when my first was 5 weeks. I'm very much looking forward to working more when my 3 year old starts full time nursery in September (9.30 - 3.30).

However I still have major misgivings about full-time group childcare for small babies and children under 3 and if I had another child (god forbid) would do everything humanely possible to avoid putting my baby in this sort of care. You don't have to be all or nothing, and it's sometimes necessary to compromise on what you want or think you need. But why does everyone get so flipping angry, defensive and aggressive over this topic.