To hate it when people call my son's hair red?

[CuppaTeaJanice]

The one thing I didn't want to pass on if I had a boy was my red hair! I hated it as a kid, but I don't mind it now if I have it long and wear black mascara. It's worse for a boy - all the redheaded boys I knew suffered years of teasing and humiliation.

Thankfully, he (mostly) got his dad's brown hair. DS's hair has a hint of red in the sunshine. I like to call it 'strawberry brown'.

So why do so many people say 'ooh, he's going to have your colouring' like that's a compliment! Is red (or red-tinged) hair now a good thing for a boy to have? Or do brown/blonde/blackheads compare it to their own hair and call it red, even though his hair is clearly brown?

My ds1 has red hair.
He also has a disability.
Being teased about the colour of his hair has been the least of his problems.

I see what everyone is saying, but I understand where the OP is coming from- I have red hair, which has been the bane of my life. It singled me out at school when I would rather have blended in. It was always me that was spotted by the teachers if we were where we weren't meant to be, and even now I can't avoid people (especially as I am also tall!). I HATE the fact that people feel they have carte blanche to comment on my hair- if I walked up to them and said- "Oooh- look at your lovely fat thighs! I love fat thighs! My mum had lovely fat thighs!" would they be thrilled?? You don't HAVE to love red hair just because you have it!! (Incidentally, and somewhat sadly, I DO also have fat thighs, which I am even less fond of!)

My two dds are blond, and I was secretly pleased they won't have to be singled out for teasing and bullying like I was. Yeah, you can say kids will always find something, but having red hair, for me, was such an easy target. My parents were very proud of my hair, and it made not a jot of difference to the way I felt about it. Just recently people have been hinting that ds (9 mths) has a "touch of red". Like the OP I see his hair as brown. Why does everyone want to comment and try to see something there? It's based on the fact that I have red hair, I know. But, as someone else said, if you commented on a baby's skin colour it would be seen as inappropriate, so why is their genetic origins any of anyone else's business when it comes to hair colour???

Very excited that my thread made it onto the Mumsnet home page!!!

Some of the comments have had me howling with laughter, others have been incredibly touching and put the whole hair colour subject in perspective.

DS is lying on my lap smiling up at me and he looks so perfect and innocent that I can't bear the thought of anybody trying to bully him. I'll make sure I leave my insecurities and negativity in the past and teach him that, however red or brown his hair turns out to be, he is an amazing person and nobody can take that away from him.

hi. Not read the whole of this thread but thought i would add a little note. My dp is ginger and he loves it. He is very proud of it and now I am pg with his first he is really hoping the baby is ginger too.

Dp is very red, I have a lot on my side too. Dd is just getting her hair back and its got a red glow to it. It really suits her though and I love it x The first question most people asked when she was born was 'is she ginger?' not 'is she healthy'. It drives me mad, its only her hair colour!

Anyone got any good witty comments to come back with??

Red hair is fab. I dyed mine red for years. I would love to have a red-haired DS. Sadly, although there is red in both mine and DH's families it has by-passed us and our DSs (unlike autism, which didn't).

And when I had dyed red hair, I used to get total strangers coming up to me all the time to tell me they liked my hair and, shallow cow that I am, I liked that.

I think that one thing about becoming parents that often comes as a surprise is that everyone makes comments of one sort or another. Generally they don't mean any harm, indeed I think that mostly they are meant in a positive way. I frequently get people telling me how alike ds and his dad are (if they've not met dh, they will tell me how alike ds is to me instead) if I say how old dd is people will tell me how tall she is. Of course I know these things already, but I think it's just a way of making a connection - meet a parent, comment on the child. I think the best thing to do is to receive these comments neutrally - they don't (in general) mean anything much.

We dont use the G word in our house! I am a red head. And my DTS have inherited my colouring, I must admit to my initial dismay. I was abused daily at school and have really only recently got over it. (Although now looking back - I think it was mainly of the Anne of green gables, Gilbert calling her 'carrots' to get her attention type.)I dyed it blonde for years but since having them and seeing how georgeous it is ( slightly darker than strawb blonde) made me go back to red. But ironically is impossible to get the colour at the hairdressers!

I'm the first female in my family NOT to have red hair but for some odd reason I've always been attracted to men with red hair (ginger genes desperate to survive?) my son was ginger when he was born but has settled into a slightly darker shade of blonde to me although we both have a reddish tinge in certain lights OH claims to be auburn

lol at this

spent this afternoon out in sun with all and sundry commenting on my newborns 'hint of red'
i loved my gran like a mother and she is from whence this gene came so bring it on!

One of my DCs has lovely red hair. It was a real surprise when he was born (a nice one though!).

I was surprised when he was a baby by how often I got stopped by people commenting on his hair - lots of "my DC/mum/great aunt had this hair colour" - all nice comments, I think that it is such an 'obvious' hair colour it brings up fond memories in people which is why it draws lots of comments. My non red haired DCs never get a mention on their hair colour. Have a few remarks from old men saying things like "oh, he's a little carrot top isn't he", but always seems to be said fondly so I don't mind. DS is only 4 so has never said what he thinks about people fussing over his hair. Though if it's mentioned I always just say that people notice his hair because it is so beautiful.

Only person who has annoyed me was another mother once who said something about his hair colour. I said, "yes I love it, and I am always being told by people how much they like his hair". She replied "aaah, they are probebly just trying to make you feel better" [hmmm].