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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To hate it when people call my son's hair red?

113 replies

CuppaTeaJanice · 13/08/2008 16:01

The one thing I didn't want to pass on if I had a boy was my red hair! I hated it as a kid, but I don't mind it now if I have it long and wear black mascara. It's worse for a boy - all the redheaded boys I knew suffered years of teasing and humiliation.

Thankfully, he (mostly) got his dad's brown hair. DS's hair has a hint of red in the sunshine. I like to call it 'strawberry brown'.

So why do so many people say 'ooh, he's going to have your colouring' like that's a compliment! Is red (or red-tinged) hair now a good thing for a boy to have? Or do brown/blonde/blackheads compare it to their own hair and call it red, even though his hair is clearly brown?

OP posts:

EffiePerine · 14/08/2008 13:33

I always wished for 'proper' red har - am brown with gingery highlights. My grandmother came from a long line of girls with auburn ringlets but she got the straight mousy brown hair which she passed on to me . DH is nice about it though and says it looks like conkers

DH has my hair only a bit lighter with extra blond bits. If DS2 turns out to be a redhead I'll be v pleased!

cikecaka · 14/08/2008 13:50

Stirling i thought my DD had curls but your DDs hair is fantastic.My DD is developing the temper now. More down to be spoilt rotten though after such a gap!!

cikecaka · 14/08/2008 13:50

Stirling i thought my DD had curls but your DDs hair is fantastic.My DD is developing the temper now. More down to be spoilt rotten though after such a gap!!

Oblomov · 14/08/2008 14:06

I have a bit of red in my hair. My nephew is very very red. And I am not dissimilar to Mi, small with hugemongeous norks.
I did hope that ds would not be bright red. Just due to teasing. I feel embarrased to type that now.
As georgiemum says, they will tease over something, so let it be that.

stirlingmum · 14/08/2008 14:39

Thanks cike - we have started calling her sideshow bob (uncanny resemblance)- although not when she can hear.

georgiemum · 14/08/2008 15:09

I just remembered something else my mum used to say about red hair - apparently, we never go grey 'just a beautiful silver'.

Eldest sister is now 50-something and not a sign of grey yet so we are keeping our fingers crossed... Brunette brother is 1 year younger than her and thinning and pretty grey now. However, dad was 72 when he died and still with a headful of black hair (a couple of grey hairs but the rest was genuine!). He did have a reddish sideburns when he grew them in the 1970s. I think blonde mum went grey earlier (but she did have 5 children to deal with!).

Oh - and the gene does have to be on both sides of the family for a child to have the colouring) ours went back at least a couple of generations.

Oh - and Autumn - really 'our' season. All those lovely green and brown clothes! And what a laugh to see those poor souls trying to dye their hair red - it never quite looks right!

cikecaka · 14/08/2008 15:16

Funny stirling thats what we call DD2 but had to stop as she was taking offence. Especially as DD3 (with the red curly hair) will only watch simpsons. Doesnt like anything that is age appropriate for her like Barney, Teletubbies etc, she is nearly 18 mths and has no interest in them but once she hears the theme tune for the Simpsons, she will sit enthralled!

theressomethingaboutmarie · 14/08/2008 15:40

Stirling - your DD's hair is absolutely amazing. Stunning! What a lucky little girl she is.

VersdeSociete · 14/08/2008 17:04

Stirling, your smaller one has my DD's hair It is the most beautiful hair in the world!

VersdeSociete · 14/08/2008 17:05

We call DD Mick Hucknell (also behind her back, but she is only 2)...

hollyandnoah · 14/08/2008 17:11

LOL

I have red hair! I always get good comments! I got the usual gingernut comments at school, but i love it now. I think ginger babies are gorgeous! My ds had really dark hair when he was born - don't know where that came from! But i did feel slightly sad to myself when his hair wasnt red.

WilyWombat · 14/08/2008 17:22

I am sooo disappointed that DSs beautiful red brown hair (which everyone admired) is now just brown. I did appreciate he may curse it and of course may have ginger pubes personally I have always been quite partial to a red haired man be it red - brown, blonde or out & out ginger.

If people dont tease you about the hair they will find something else as its such an easy target he can have all the witty put downs ready

stirlingmum · 14/08/2008 17:22

Funnily enough VersdeSociete, my h's sister has hair like that and in the 80's she wore it long and tied back and she did look just like Mick Hucknell - not a good look for a girl!!
Now she is in her 40's she wears it cropped and I think that is sad.

VersdeSociete · 14/08/2008 17:27

I think it would be fab without Mick H's face! I must point out the Sidewhow Bob resemblance to DP; it's genius...

Tidgypuds · 14/08/2008 17:31

My brother has red hair and believe me he has had no problems with attracting girls even when he was at school. Its a gorgeous colour, wouldnt have minded it myself at all.
BTW he calls himself the Ginger Ninja which we all find amusing.

stirlingmum · 14/08/2008 17:36

I have always been attracted to red haired men - I wonder if it is genetic? My Dad was one of 6 and they were all red heads.

He told me a story about when they were shipped out of Manchester during ww2 and sent, with loads of other kids, to be temp rehomed in a village in Wales. All the other kids were picked but dad and his 5 siblings were left till last - Poor things

Janos · 14/08/2008 18:45

What's wrong with red hair? I thinks it looks amazing - there's something a bit exotic and unusual about it.

DanJARMouse · 14/08/2008 18:54

My dd2 has the most gorgeous red hair (very auburn like) and gets comments wherever we go - all along the lines of "what gorgeous hair"

DS is nearly 9mnths and has a giner tinge, but is also quite blone, think we will have to wait and see, but it is gorgeous!!!

possumhead · 14/08/2008 19:27

My dd has beautiful hair and we are always getting positive comments which make me feel like a very proud Mummy! (photos on profile page)
We refer to her hair colour as Ginger and so does she. As a school teacher I have taught many "red-heads", "ginger children" and there is really no stigma attached to having this hair colour, i think that attitudes have changed since we were children!

friendly · 14/08/2008 20:12

I have red hair and so does my dd and one of my ds's. I didn't like it as a child as I just wanted smooth straight hair. I think I hated the curls and potential frizz more than the colour but they often come hand in hand. (Thank God for GHD) People always used to comment on it too which made me self-conscious, adults and they were complimentary. At school I remember being asked by other children if I was adopted because my sister had blonde hair. (think of Anne of Green Gables and Little orphan Annie both had red hair and nobody wanted them!) I can remember thinking I have seen pictures of myself with my mum in hospital! I don't know why redheads are teased about their hair. I think it must have it's roots in history in a dislike/ mistrust in minorities since red hair is a celtish thing. My dad is a scot and my mother has irish connections.

My hair has definitely faded as I've got older in fact the other day someone at school asked me where the red hair (dd and ds) came from. I felt quite miffed! I loved my hair in my late teens and twenties. My sister and many friends spend a fortune on highlights etc.

People can be very negative though. I remember a friend was in a shop and a woman came up and said of her redheaded baby 'It'll probably get darker as he gets older' She was quick to say that she loved his hair. I think I would have been speechless.

I do worry about ds more than dd. I watched that programme by the guy from Big Cook Little Cook when ds was a tiny baby. He portrayed being a redheaded bloke with such negativity I felt quite anxious for a while and then again recently when another friend's son started secondary. He had never been picked on at primary because of his hair. He has been this year and has been really unhappy. His mum phoned his head of year about it. She pointed out that if they were being unkind about the colour of his skin it might be taken more seriously. I think all you can do is tell them how lovely you think it is. Another great thing about red hair - I can always see my two in a playground - no problem!

tiredandgrumpy · 14/08/2008 21:10

When ds was born with red hair, we were surprised (but loved it) since there isn't red hair either side for at least 2 generations. When dd was also born with red hair, we considered ourselves very lucky. I am so proud of both of them - they get so many more admiring comments as a result and I think it's so much more interesting as it just glows in the sunlight.

If I were to have a third, then I'd expect it to also be red, even though it has to be extremely unlikely.

I do hope they don't get bullied as a result, but certainly hope that both keep their fabulous colour and don't end up boring mousey like me.

woollyjo · 14/08/2008 21:48

Redheaded and proud, started off as carrots now heading darker as the years go on. Where did this anti ginger/red stuff come from? Yes I was teased as a kid but no more than anyone else. Maybe that is why we have a reputation for being feisty, you learn to deal with it.

When I was in labour and the midwife said she could see the head it was the first thing I asked (to be told v sternly she couldn't see that!)

As it is DD is dark hair and olive skin like DH. I would have liked her to look a tiny bit like me (as a new born folk would ask if she was mine, now they must think I am the child minder) but I am glad she doesn't have my v fair skin.

nooka · 14/08/2008 22:10

I think that you should consider how many women (like me) die their hair with hints of red. Sounds like your son has quite light brown hair with auburn tints? I don't think that is likely to stand out in the same way that a bright redhead does (usually in a good way!). I'm not sure about the term strawberry brown as I can't really visualize, but I know where you are coming from - my dd's hair is going from blonde to brown and it is difficult to think of a good term to use (mousy and dirty blonde really don't sound good!).

My son's best friend has true ginger hair (really orangy) and looks absolutely fab. I was a little worried that when I heard that his nick name is "ginger ninga" (I heard something else truly awful the first time I heard my son yell this across the playground and had strong words with him...) Another friend in the group is known as "mini man" (he's small) the youngest is often called "the apprentice" (aka "my young apprentice" from Star Wars). These are all terms of affection as they are the best of mates, and so long as your son has good friends I really don't think you should worry.

HairyToe · 14/08/2008 22:19

Dh is ginger (and gorgeous). When I was pregnant with DD1, one of my friends said, with a concerned expression "Oooh do you think it'll be a ginger? Oh never mind it might not, you might be lucky"

Fwiw DD1 was and is a ginger and is, like her dad, gorgeous. In sunlight her hair looks like its on fire, her skin is milky white, she has big blue eyes and a smattering of the cutest freckles across her nose (besotted Mum, me?)

I might be lucky indeed...grrrr

MamaMaiasaura · 14/08/2008 22:30

red head here too. Also wear it long Had hellish time at school over it. Ds1 blonde with red hints and ds2 seems to have a lot of red tint but doubt he will be a red head as ds1 was similar at same age. Also none of my sisters or parents are redhead. From grandfather so think my grandkids have more chance of being a redhead than my dc.

Do understand the dread of your own child having red hair in terms of the bullying though.

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