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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

for NOT wanting my 23 year old husband to get the snip??

37 replies

DisenchantedPlusBump · 13/08/2008 13:53

He said he wants to do so this morning, my eyes welled up on the way home from play group.

I don't want him to.

OP posts:
barnsleybelle · 13/08/2008 13:55

I agree, I think he is very young. Do you have children?

Overmydeadbody · 13/08/2008 13:56

yanbu.

23 is soooo young to make a decision like that.

Original poster
DisenchantedPlusBump · 13/08/2008 13:56

Yes, I am pregnant with our 3rd.

But our kids are our world, I just love having little ones about. They want for nothing.

I know space would be an issue if we ever had another, but I shared a room with my 3 sisters and loved it.

OP posts:
mayorquimby · 13/08/2008 13:57

his body, his choice.

lilymolly · 13/08/2008 13:57

I think you need to discuss this with him.
I think it would be doubtful if any consultant would do this in someone so young

Overmydeadbody · 13/08/2008 13:57

(unless of course, you've already got 8 kids and somthing needs to be done )

saralou · 13/08/2008 13:57

i don't think they would... my friends dh wants it but can't get it because he's too young! and you have to give consent aswell.. when dp had his snip we both had to go for the appointment and i had to sign too

Original poster
DisenchantedPlusBump · 13/08/2008 13:58

All 3 were planned babies BTW!

OP posts:
babyinbelly · 13/08/2008 13:58

Why would he want to do that??? Plenty of time to change mind. I would say too young to know he def doesn't want (more?) children

lilymolly · 13/08/2008 13:59

I think that even if you have finished having your family.

The health professional would consider what would happen should you split up and he formed another relationship iyswim?

NOT suggesting that would happen, god forbid, but he is very young and stranger things have happened.

Callisto · 13/08/2008 13:59

Seems sensible to me as you've got three already. If you want more you can always adopt.

Overmydeadbody · 13/08/2008 14:00

Exactly, he would really regret it if you two split up and he got together with somone else and wanted to have children with her but couldn't .

You never know what the future holds for you.

babyinbelly · 13/08/2008 14:00

Do you want more children?

Callisto · 13/08/2008 14:00

Maybe it is his way of saying he really doesn't want more children?

dilbertina · 13/08/2008 14:02

Much too young I think. Could you discuss alternative low-risk contraception if he feels strongly 3 is enough. Maybe you could have a coil or something if he is worried about risks of other sorts? Seems a shame to remove your options so young. I agree he'd be unlikely to get a doc to do it at his age.

Overmydeadbody · 13/08/2008 14:04

Callisto yes, I tihnk he definately doesn't want any more children that's for sure!

Original poster
DisenchantedPlusBump · 13/08/2008 14:05

We have been together a long time, since 15 and that wouldn't happen..

AND I don't want to turn this into a 'you are so young an naive dis, thread' We are married, and married for life. He is not the kind to think anything else, strange to some I know, but we are an odd pair and have only ever had eyes for each other.

But anyways, thats NOT the issue

I do want more babies, and I think we would too in years to come.

It just seems like alot now as we will have 3 under 4 years old.

But in years to come our circumstances will be different one way or another and this path is final.

I think its silly to condemn yourself to a decision now, when you don' know how you will feel in the future.

I have never fallen pregnant actually, so trust in my contraception if he doesn't want anymore (for years to come)

OP posts:
Original poster
DisenchantedPlusBump · 13/08/2008 14:06

I mean I have never fallen pregnant *accidentally' (not actually! lol)

OP posts:
mum2jakeyroo · 13/08/2008 14:07

my dp got refused at 28 for being too young - he had 3 children. am now pg with dc3 (his 4th) and dr will refer him after baby is born - he is now 30. 23 is so young.

Original poster
DisenchantedPlusBump · 13/08/2008 14:09

I'm actually glad to hear that mum2jakeyroo, i think its too young too.

OP posts:
Original poster
DisenchantedPlusBump · 13/08/2008 14:10

Thing is, sometimes he says he wants 5 kids

OP posts:
3andnomore · 13/08/2008 14:14

hm...I think you definately need to talk about this....if you are married then it is a joint decision....
unless of couse you are unwilling to take contraceptive measures yourself after having the Baby that you are carrying right now....

babyinbelly · 13/08/2008 14:16

If he only told you this morning I would have a serious and calm chat with him when kids in bed and tell him how you feel. Maybe if he sees how much it genuinly upsets you he will reconsider. Try not to get in to argument or negative conversation. ie your so selfish. Tryand keep it positive instead.

mum2jakeyroo · 13/08/2008 14:16

After our second he mentioned it to docs and she said too young. I disagreed anyhow and then got pg with number 3. He has mentioned it since getting pg with no 3 but they won't do anything until this one is born in case something goes wrong. By then i might have changed my mind. lol

LazyLinePainterJane · 13/08/2008 14:16

Well, when we discussed it, the issue was not whether we split up, dis, but more that what would happen if I were to die next year and he would meet someone who was desperate for children 5 years down the line.

Of course these are not things that you want to consider, but there are situations in which he might want more children without you that do not involve you slitting up. It needs to be thought about. Unfortunately.