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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that after 5 years of marriage romance should be dead?

42 replies

Boobalina · 12/08/2008 09:40

... I couldnt sleep last night thinking, Oh god, its this it now?!

Life seems a endless... ROUTINE!

Am I being unreasonable to think that films, Novels, Songs, art, TV sets us up to think that sometimes romantic things happen in a marriage after 2 kids. I feel a bit cheated.

Doe this mean I have to have a mid life crisis now and employ a gardener so I can shag him?

OP posts:
Original poster
Boobalina · 12/08/2008 09:41

Title should read - AIBU to think that after 5 years of marriage romance should NOT be dead?

OP posts:
bonkerz · 12/08/2008 09:42

well i have been married 5 years in OCtober and romance is dead here!

Dior · 12/08/2008 09:44

Message withdrawn

Original poster
Boobalina · 12/08/2008 09:46

My and DH have been together 7 years and married for 5 in sept. I mentioned the other day that we meet 7 years ago last week and he got all pissy saying why do we need to remember 2 dates?!

OP posts:
Lauriefairycake · 12/08/2008 09:46

well, make something romatic happen

get a babysitter, go out on a date night, buy him flowers

alternatively be explicit that you would like some of that

Original poster
Boobalina · 12/08/2008 09:47

I think that the little things arent really there much at the moment.

OP posts:
Original poster
Boobalina · 12/08/2008 09:48

I hear what your a saying Laurie - I think I have reached the point of being fed up of making the romantic gestures and want to be wooed a bit.

OP posts:
Dior · 12/08/2008 09:49

Message withdrawn

Dior · 12/08/2008 09:49

Message withdrawn

Collision · 12/08/2008 09:51

It has to be both ways though! You cannot expect to be romanced if you are not romantic back to him!

I am romantic with DH and he is with me. We have dinner together with candles and music and he buys me flowers and kisses and hugs me when I dont expect it.

I buy him things he would like from the supermarket (flowers aint his thing!) like nice olive oil (I know!) or a good bottle of wine etc

Dior · 12/08/2008 09:52

Message withdrawn

mrsruffallo · 12/08/2008 09:53

Have you told him how you feel?
I think it is very important to keep your sex life going, that helps you connect on a regular basis.
Book a babysitter and tell him to choose somewhere to take you

Original poster
Boobalina · 12/08/2008 09:57

We haven't got family to help us out, we do have family its just they can't/dont/wont help due to distance etc so we've never really had anyone to take the kids for the weekend / day / afternoon for us.... I know that put a strain on particularly as most of our friends have really hands on parents to help them out.

I do do lots of little things for DH but am growing to resent it as he just says 'well done' or often nothing at all.

I'm just down about it all...

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Dalrymps · 12/08/2008 09:59

It is something you have to work at, I don't think it's the same as in the movies and its not romantic all the time, far from it, household chores get in the way.
I think the others are right, it's more about the little things, for us that would be, a compliment, saying you love each other often, buying a chocolate bar/magazine for each other when you're out as a little treat, talking about the future together, cuddling every night before going to sleep etc etc
BTW we've been together 5 years, married 3.

scottishmum007 · 12/08/2008 09:59

That's ashame that you feel that way, we've been married for nearly 2 years now and we have plenty action going on (don't mean just sexually, i mean making an effort go out together once a month). DS gets left overnight with either set of grandparents.

You should both just set a date each month when you are both free, and just get out there and have a meal. It doesn't have to be expensive, or even going to the cinema??

shrinkingsagpuss · 12/08/2008 10:00

oh god - we've been together 7 years and married 5 in sept too!!

My life does seem to be an endless routine of washing ironing, tidying, arguiing, trying to find more money, and trying to stop DH spending it.

I can't even encourage him to buy me something nice for my birthday coz I know how much he is overdrawn!

Don't they say the first 5 years are the hardest? so maybe fro here on in it gets better. As the kids get older, and hopefully sleep more, you don't feel so knackered in the evenings, and there is more opportunity for romance........ [hopeful emoticon] !!

Hulababy · 12/08/2008 10:00

Even if you can't go out, arrange to have say 1 or 2 nug=ights a month that are for you and DH. Children go to bed and stay there, and then have a nice cosy meal and bottle of wine together, chat and enjoy each others company.

I have just celebrated my 10th wedding anniversary, and we have been together for 18.5 years now. Yes, a lot of marriage is routine stuff, and you can't have the whole hearts and flowers all the time, but you can have fun and pleasure tgether, and be romantic and cosy together too.

scottishmum007 · 12/08/2008 10:01

ah ok, didn't read that bit about family being far way, my mistake. how about getting a friend to babysit for a few hours then, someone you trust?

Oliveoil · 12/08/2008 10:02

little gestures mean far more than big sweeping gestures imo

making a cup of tea
seeing a new choc bar and getting it (I am sweet fiend and dh does this for me)
leaving notes for each other

we have been together for 12 years, married for 6

our dips coincided with small squawking brats, how old are your children?

mine now 5 and 3 and a lot easier imo

Twelvelegs · 12/08/2008 10:05

Romance needs a little work and attention.... and it doesn't have to be one way. Get online Agent provoceteur and get yourself something lovely. Ensure the children are ready for bed when daddy gets home so that he can come in and play, then story and bed. Following that you order a take away or cook a dinner quick dinner. Be nice. You never know he might like it and so might you.

Other things to keep routine at bay for an instant each week/month. Special Saturday, filthy Friday etc. Cinema night, dinner at home or away (take turns cooking).

Original poster
Boobalina · 12/08/2008 10:06

Kids are 3.5 and 10 months... I went back to work last month too...

Can i also say - I know a lot of posts end up with MN'ers saying how bitchy it is on here - well, they are all wrong! You have all been so KIND and SUPPORTIVE... so thank you very very very much

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Oliveoil · 12/08/2008 10:10

oh at that age I was ready to stab dh in the head with a rusty fork believe me

iirc I did a post on here saying exactly that, we had been togethher 10 years and my thread title was something like "it is my anniversay and I want to stab him in the eye" or something

2 years ago, mine would have been 3 and 1

it does get better, promise

Original poster
Boobalina · 12/08/2008 10:18

Olive oil - yes, am at that stage!

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Shoegazer · 12/08/2008 10:21

We've been together 7 years, married 4 in September. We also have no family around down here to look after DD so we have a date night once a week where we don't go out, but we make have something nice for dinner, a bottle of wine and we cuddle up on the sofa with a film. Its just our little bit of us time and it really makes the difference for us.

Original poster
Boobalina · 12/08/2008 10:25

Ok... have been spurred on to try out your ideas - watch this space.

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