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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to not have had a thank you letter for a friend's wedding present?

27 replies

chonky · 10/08/2008 19:51

That's it really..

I'm not sure whether I'm being old-fashioned in expecting a thank you letter, but the wedding was two months ago, and I did buy something that they had asked for...

Should I say something - as it has crossed my mind that they didn't get the present? Or is it better just to let it go?

OP posts:

Collision · 10/08/2008 19:52

tis damn rude but I would not have the guts to say anything!

JuneBugJen · 10/08/2008 19:53

YANBU. Say something as they may not have got it. If they have had it its just a bit rude. (but don't say that if you want to keep the friendship!)

priceyp · 10/08/2008 20:01

YANBU I always send them and it really grips me when I don't get them for gifts that I've sent. My nephews and nieces are the main contenders for this I have NEVER once had a thank you card. At this point even a text would be nice!!!!

WallOfSilence · 10/08/2008 20:01

If you took the gift to their house yourself then you know they have the gift & are just being rude.

If you posted the gift then maybe an e-mail or something to check if they got it wouldn't go amiss.

CuckooClockWorkOrange · 10/08/2008 20:03

Rude. I know I should leave it, but I wouldn't be able to. I'd say "does it work/did it break/is it right?" and see what she says...

OonaghBhuna · 10/08/2008 20:03

well I sent thank you letters to everyone apart from one present that I received which didnt have a name or a card. Everyone that was there for the day was allocated for, we had 50 day guests and then a big party of 200 in the evening. So the pressie was from somebody that attended the evening. So there is somebody from my wedding that didnt get a card but I was to embarrassed to phone up and ask in case there were some people who didnt get us anything and then that might have emabarrassed them.

So you never know your card might have fallen from the present.

hatrick · 10/08/2008 20:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

singyswife · 10/08/2008 20:06

Chonky, I went to a wedding at the end of May and gave a joint present between my and dh and my BIL and SIL. My BIL and SIL got a thank you note but we didnt and I am still annoyed about it. I think it is downright rude. Even my kids who are 5 and 7 write thank you notes for things. My dd who is 7 went to the cinema on Firday with her best friends gran (and friend obvoisuly) and wrote a thank you note in advance, Unprompted I might add. It was written inside an old xmas card she found lying around but still, the thought was there.

Original poster

chonky · 10/08/2008 20:07

That's what I'm worried about Oonagh - the fact they think that we rocked up without a present.

I took the gift to the wedding which was ata venue, as did most people. However the presents then got shipped back to the place where we were all staying, so it could have got lost in transit.

Aaah - what a minefield.

OP posts:

Heated · 10/08/2008 20:07

If it was bought off a gift list I would give them a couple of weeks and then enquire as to its safe arrival. If they have received it I am at their lack of manners.

purplefraggle · 10/08/2008 20:08

I have a friend like this who NEVER writes thank you's. We spent rather a lot on some baby things when LO was born as well as christmas, easter and christening gifts but no thank you - not even a verbal one. Makes me mad but as my best friend I seem to let her get away with it - its not LO's fault after all.

bluefox · 10/08/2008 20:13

YANBU. Totally ignorant of them. I am still waiting for a thank you for the present sent to dh.s neice (via Debenhams) years ago. Dont even know if they received it. Put us in an awkward position but I cant ask. We also went to a wedding last year and our gift was a sum of money enclosed in the card which we asked the brides parents to pass on for us. Again - no blooming thanks whatsoever.

picklepie555 · 10/08/2008 20:15

It might still be on its way.....lets say 3 weeks honeymoon, one week to get back settle back, one week if they've sent second class...and then they may be getting special ones printed up with a picture from the day....I had the same situation once and I started getting annoyed...and this is exactly what happened. If you don't get one there might have been something gone wrong/astray/missed because EVERYONE sends thankyou cards...its the done thing, ill-mannered gits if they don't,wait a little bit more and if you finally don't get one...YANBU.

kazbeth · 10/08/2008 20:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

cornflakegirl · 10/08/2008 20:33

Maybe they're really disorganised? I think it took us the best part of a year to send out all of our cards, although we did start right after the wedding. But we're horribly slack. We did apologise in the cards for taking so long to send them...

pattymc · 10/08/2008 20:38

someone told me you have 1 year to send thank you cards after you are married, it's in some posh book about manners. I wouldn't expect a thank you card earlier than 2 months, 6 months is perhaps the limit.

Fizzylemonade · 10/08/2008 20:46

I don't think it will have taken them a year to open it!!!

I think YANBU, it is rude not to say thank you which they clearly haven't done.

JamieJay · 10/08/2008 21:01

Just to put another spin on this.

I got married in May and still haven't written thank you letters. I fully intend to but my father passed away four days after the wedding and I'm still not ready to try and write nice letters remembering this wonderful day as it just reminds me of what I have lost.

Not saying their situation is is anything like this but just explaining my situation.

pinkspottywellies · 10/08/2008 21:05

My friend has just had her second anniversary and I don't think she ever got round to doing Thank you letters which I do think is a bit off.

Another friend got married a few years ago and although I wasn't invited I sent a card and a voucher and didn't even get a thank you!! The people who went to the wedding did.

Ah well. C'est la vie!

bettythebuilder · 10/08/2008 21:08

yanbu, I'd be tempted to email them to ask if it was received.

Although, I attended a friends August wedding a few years ago, and at the bottom of their christmas round-robin photocopied mass letter there was a line "thank you all for our wedding presents", so you might want to wait a few months, yet

dmo · 10/08/2008 21:48

i must have bad mannered friends as i have never recieved a thank you card for gifts such as weddings but it has never bothered me.

i went to one friends for a bbq and in her kitchen was the bread bin we got her and i was just pleased she used it

elmoandella · 10/08/2008 21:59

i'd wait a bit yet. still early. specially if they had a long honeymoon of say 3 weeks. they'll just be back and getting caught up on work. and if they're hand making the cards and figuring who gave what to thank them personally it culd take a couple of weeks if it's being done in spare time.

lisad123 · 10/08/2008 22:05

It doesnt bother me at all ii dont get a card but am just as bad about sending them. I brought stuff to make thank you cards just after DD2 was born, however when she was 3 weeks I got very very sick and spent 3 weeks in hospital. it completely slipped my mind and when i was welll enough 4 months had gone by

Original poster

chonky · 10/08/2008 22:05

OK - won't say anything, well, for the moment . Thanks everyone

OP posts:

notcitrus · 10/08/2008 23:42

If it came from a gift list then they likely didn't receive it until a couple weeks after the honeymoon (list agent has to contact happy couple and then arrange delivery of everything, and of course won't deliver on weekends, etc, etc). So that's one month gone, followed by general exhaustion, etc.

Have to confess that we only sent about four thank you letters (around 100 guests) as I was really ill before and after and too exhausted to do anything, and MrNC was busy looking after me/house/family etc, so close family just got phoned, close friends just got emailed, and we eventually phoned/wrote to the few others. And of course there was the couple of mystery presents we never figured out who they were from...

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