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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not want to 'give generously' to families better off than ours?

58 replies

broccolispears · 09/08/2008 20:12

DP went to a posh, expensive, private school.

Whether we wanted to or not, we will never ever ever in this lifetime be able to afford to send our children to any private school, let alone this one.

Dp is on the mailing list of Old Boys for this school. A couple of times a year we get a phonecall from their fundraising team, asking if we want to donate one lump sum or a standing order of an amount a month.

NO! No, we don't. WHY? Why would anyone want to donate money to fund skiing trips and tennis courts for other people's children? When the parents of the children in question are wealthy enough already to be spending more than most people earn in a year on sending their children to the school?

School books for children in Ethiopia - yes.
A week's sailing for Joquasta - NO!

What really really boils my piss is when dp starts to waiver and say "well, they say even a one off donation of £20 would help". ARRGGHHH! NO! How about we use that one off donation of £20 to buy me some flip flops that aren't held together with duct tape?

OP posts:
objectivity · 09/08/2008 20:13

Is that REALLY what the money goes to?

Bluestocking · 09/08/2008 20:13

Just ignore them. My college asks me for money twice a year. Talk about robbing the poor to give to the rich.

ninah · 09/08/2008 20:14

do you take the calls? tell them!!!!

batters · 09/08/2008 20:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

constancereader · 09/08/2008 20:15

Tell them to stop bothering you.

TrinityRhino · 09/08/2008 20:17

'boils my piss' roffle

Heated · 09/08/2008 20:17

Ring and ask to be removed from their mailing list.

ninah · 09/08/2008 20:18

No wait for the next call and tell them they're boiling your piss. They need to know!

Elasticwoman · 09/08/2008 20:19

Absolutely agree with you Broccoli. My FIL went to Manchester Grammar and he is courted assiduously by the Alumni fundraisers who asked him for money towards their new stage for the drama dept. They didn't tell him it was going to cost £2 - 3 MILLION, and the school is only open to fee paying students, of which there are now about 3000. FIL was so flattered they mentioned his hour of glory treading the boards in the 1930s he coughed up. OK, his money, his choice but I don't know if he could see the irony when his own grandchildren do not have the option of private education.

ivykaty44 · 09/08/2008 20:21

Ask the old boys to politely take you of the fund raising list as this will save them the price of the telephone call each year and every little will help their fund

The money doesn't go on trips etc but scholarships for example musci lessons or sports lessons. It was your dp choice to join the old boys and they have no idea of his finances now.

Quattrocento · 09/08/2008 20:23

Oh I get those too. Never donated a penny. Doesn't seem like a deserving cause to me either. Also get calls/letters from my old university. Ignore those too - though am a bit more sympathetic, but it still doesn't pass the "deserving" test.

ninah · 09/08/2008 20:26

on reflection, ivykaty's solution is far more elegant.

Original poster
broccolispears · 09/08/2008 20:27

Oh I would (politely) tell them to take a jump, but it's not my phonecall. I think dp thinks fondly of them - he's just the world's worst at saying no to anyone, but I think he knows how unimpressed I'd be if he got his chequebook out on this occasion .

(And 'boils my piss' is actually quite a horrid thing to say - I was caught up in the ranty moment )

OP posts:
beanieb · 09/08/2008 20:28

just

say

no

thank you!

It's the same as any other charity calling.

ninah · 09/08/2008 20:29

I was caught there with you for a minute

chonky · 09/08/2008 20:31

DH gets these calls too. I think it depends on where the money goes tbh. DH attended his 'posh, private school' on a fee assisted place. I'd be happy if he wanted to give cash to fund other fee assisted places (however no blardy way for sailing lessons for Jocasta!).

themoon66 · 09/08/2008 20:33

You are not being unreasonable at all.

TheSoapEatersMum · 09/08/2008 22:37

lol @ boils my piss, my DH says that!
Are you or your DH forces by any chance? Sorry v nosey, feel free to ignore q!
And YANBU!

TheRealMrsJohnSimm · 09/08/2008 23:41

YANBU but........am so going to steal the phrase "really boils my piss"!!!!

Janni · 09/08/2008 23:45

Anyone who's been to a posh school or any sort of university gets asked to donate money to fund the current intake...Don't take it personally. You SHOULD ask to be taken off their mailing list though, it would save time and money all round.

stitch · 10/08/2008 15:20

hide the mail before your dp sees it
or write to them, and ask them to consider putting your family down as beneficiaries of their charity. since the school failed to give hime an education whereby he could earn enough to pay to send his kids to school there, that means they have failed him. word it well, and i bet you they will stop pestering you.

KatieDD · 10/08/2008 16:29

Hmmm well they are assuming that he can afford it and wants to help other children that are having the same education he benefited from, not there fault your DH isn't in a position to, they need know so they can stop wasting their time.

Elasticwoman · 10/08/2008 22:13

Katie - you have SO missed the point. This is not about whether some one can afford it. It's about whether giving to kids who are rich enough to be educated privately is a fit outlet for charitable impulses, however great or small.

funnypeculiar · 10/08/2008 22:17

at boils my piss. My uni have stopped calling me & asking me for money since i explained to them in painstaking detail why I wasn't comfortable with the idea.
I think they have "raving nutter, will rant for hours. Do not call' next to my name. I sooo wish I'd told them they boiled my piss...

ScottishMummy · 10/08/2008 22:33

DP say no politely as befits one who has had a privileged schooling.boiling one's piss that would be rude