to not want to 'give generously' to families better off than ours?

[broccolispears]

DP went to a posh, expensive, private school.

Whether we wanted to or not, we will never ever ever in this lifetime be able to afford to send our children to any private school, let alone this one.

Dp is on the mailing list of Old Boys for this school. A couple of times a year we get a phonecall from their fundraising team, asking if we want to donate one lump sum or a standing order of an amount a month.

NO! No, we don't. WHY? Why would anyone want to donate money to fund skiing trips and tennis courts for other people's children? When the parents of the children in question are wealthy enough already to be spending more than most people earn in a year on sending their children to the school?

School books for children in Ethiopia - yes.
A week's sailing for Joquasta - NO!

What really really boils my piss is when dp starts to waiver and say "well, they say even a one off donation of £20 would help". ARRGGHHH! NO! How about we use that one off donation of £20 to buy me some flip flops that aren't held together with duct tape?

Just get dp to say he wants to remain on the mailing list (as he obviously enjoys that special sense of belionging and nostalgia that he gets from St Custard's ) but he does not want to be phoned for donations ever again as it makes his woman's piss boil.

broccoli does your school ever call and ask for money or piss boiling?No?mine neither

but i did attend saint scumbags for wayward gerls

I know of a private schools in Switzerland that has a charitable arm and they send the governors etc to do charity work in schools abroad. It may be for something like this.

I wonder if charities are having a tougher time at the moment (credit crunch)? We've given up the National Trust membership we'd had for years.

I have not missed the point, private schools do not phone or appeal to members of the public for support, they contact their own kind. My ex went to the might Xavier college in Melbourne, he had a great expensive education there and he is hapy to help to maintain the library or sports hall there because he enjoyed the benefit he'd like other boys to enjoy that too.
Now i wouldn't send them a cheque but he was in a position to so why not ?

I wish I'd been able to eavesdrop when my old school (private, boarding, but almost all fees paid by scholarships and dad's firm as I was an expat brat) called begging for money.

Apparently he told them exactly how much money they'd got for me over the years, how much he figured they'd wasted on various things - the head had just been on a tour of South East Asia visiting parents - and pointed out that actually he hadn't paid most of my fees or expenses for the last two years I'd been there, judging correctly that they were desperate for me to boost their A-level results, so what on earth made them think he was going to cough up now?

My college treated me and some others rather badly so I don't give them cash, but do sometimes donate to other uni departments and societies. The college pay broke PhD students to do the phoning, though, so I'm nice to them and commiserate with them about their research.

how curious to be pondering someone else's school?after how many years.just say no

Katie - ah, so for you charity is about giving to your own kind. Not about fulfilling a need which can't easily be fulfilled by market forces or govt grant. The Good Samaritan missed the point then.

The begging letters really are cheeky. I got one from my first university appealing for money for a scholarship that would bear Kerry Packer's name. He was the richest man in Australia and I rang the university to tell them he could fund his own bloody scholarship from the gold coins he shakes out of his trouser pockets like the rest of us do snotty tissues.

My other university is richer than God so the begging letters go straight into the bin.

..this is the kind of activity that gave rise to the phrase "old boy's network" although personally I prefer the phrase "boils my piss".

All private schools are registered charities and they do milk their old pupils for donations to the swimming pool etc.

My state school does a lot of fund raising but it's more the kind of eating pink in the middle, charred on the outside sausage in a bun type stuff.

No Elesticwoman, I never said that was my ex's only donation throughout the year but as I said you do no see private schools on street corners waving a tin around.

I went to a state school but my (university) college frequently does the same. I've been to three reunion events in 15 years and they have all had a slot where the college President stands up and asks us all to consider "donating".

They also send out a magazine which seems to be on a totally different planet, offering watercolours of the college quads for £300. They also have full-page, all-text plugs for "consulting" companies, which, after reading, leave me none the wiser as to what they actually do.

I'm really glad I'm not the only one who ignores the fundraising appeals from their old university...

I think it is just a way for the hedge fund twats managers to draw attention to the fact that they've made so much money.

It is of course your right to donate money to whoever you choose and I can understand your frustration. But if you have not told them to stop contacting you for money they will carry on. Not all children who attend such schools do come from very wealthy families. I have a friend whose daughter is on a full scholarship at such a school which is said for by am old boy's network charity. As a teacher win has worked in a very tough comp I am not a great supporter of private education.

oh yes, fundraising appeals from my (very rich) university go straight in the bin

along with the Alumnus Chronicle detailing the latest exploits of the School of Management (ffs)

and I am not getting a university credit card either - the shame...

Although in my fantasty socialist moments I would like to see the private/public sector abolished but that is not going to happen. Recognising that I have often thought while helping a pupil if I had the money I would love to be able to pay for your education so you can in somewhere else.

Oh dh gets this too
I wonder if it is the same school!

My even posher and more expensive school on the other hand has never asked me for a penny (which is fortunate as my response would be FUCK OFF)

we move often enough not to be contacted by schools/ colleges of the dim and distant past, but the request that did (if i may borrow a phrase) boil my piss, was the one from the fundraising department of the hospital where dh had his brain put back together after an unfortunate accident with an explosive, requesting we consider donating as they had saved his life. Believe me, if I'd got any cash, they could have had it. Extremely worthwhile cause etc etc, but slightly uncomfortable that they approach pathetically grateful families in order to extort cash.
have felt the need to fundraise on numerous occasions (when dd2 had her life saved in scbu for example - seriously considered raising money for eqt etc, but a phone call to the hosp said that donations go into the pot, and not to specific departments)...
these days i chair a charity in a similar vein, and am happy to say no to just about anyone without guilt tripping, but post-life-saving op approaches? bit grim.

Message withdrawn

Message withdrawn

the question I would be asking is "have you asked all the relatives of the current pupils"

after all its the current pupils who are suffering if they dont have adequate resources or facilities

I agree with Katie, why not give money to your old school / university so that the children who are there now can enjoy it as much as you did. Private or Public is not really the issue IMO, they can always benefit from the extra money.

They will have asked the current parents. When dp was trying to get me to send dd to a public school I noted on the forms a donation request that read something like 500 1000 5000 10000 or other. I remember saying to dp we will be another.