Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset when my MIL said.....

52 replies

MonMoo · 08/08/2008 20:57

I'm having to stop breastfeeding my 4 month old dd as am suffering from very frequent migraines. Have persevered for this long but can't keep going with another dd age 3 to look after too. So while explaining the desision to my MIL she said......."isn't she worth it?".i.e. isn't the baby worth suffering the pain for. Am I being unreasonable to think that this was an evil thing to say when I am already beating myself up about stopping bf????

OP posts:
constancereader · 08/08/2008 20:59

No wonder you are upset.
You have done extraodinarily well to keep going this long.

Roboshua · 08/08/2008 21:00

YANBU. A happy Mum means a happy baby. You have given your baby the best start by breast feeding and it really isn't something you should be beating yourself up about.

RubyRioja · 08/08/2008 21:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

controlfreakyagain · 08/08/2008 21:01

thank her for her support and tell her to sod off.

plus3 · 08/08/2008 21:01

please don't feel guilty, you have given it enough thought & anxiety, and Ditto roboshua, a happy (healthy) mummy = happy baby

thisisyesterday · 08/08/2008 21:02

no, you aren't be unreasonable. you've made your decision, and that's that.

but out of interest. are the migraines linked to bf? hormonal type stuff? (tell me to butt out if you want, just curious)

Flibbertyjibbet · 08/08/2008 21:02

at your MIL.

You have done brilliantly to bf for 4 months under these circumstances.

Have to admit though your MIL is an exception on mumsnet - everyone else complains that their mils want them to stop bf so that mil can take a turn at feeding or get more time to cuddle baby!! (including mine).

Original poster
MonMoo · 08/08/2008 21:03

Thanks ladies feel better already! By the way this MIL has already alienated her other 2 daughter in laws - tact is not her strong point!

OP posts:
Elasticwoman · 08/08/2008 21:05

How will stopping bf help cure your migraines? Perhaps having sore and overfull boobs will take your mind off them.

However, if you have bf for 4 months, your baby has had much more breastmilk than the average UK baby.

Your mistake was ever to explain a decision to MIL before it was a fait accompli.

CarGirl · 08/08/2008 21:05

like you can function properly to look after 2 dc when you're suffering from migraines regularly.......obviously your MIL has neve had one!

Original poster
MonMoo · 08/08/2008 21:06

i think the migraines are linked to bf. With my other dd I had migraines throughout bf and they stopped when I stopped - made it to 6 monthes with her though ( reason for more guilt!) Also have migraines at start of pregnancy, after birth and whenever I try and take the pill so def hormone related.

OP posts:
CuckooClockWorkOrange · 08/08/2008 21:06

It's not a question of it being WORTH it or not. You need to be able to function as a mother. Your children are worth a mother who takes care of herself.

I bet your own mother wouldn't think you should grit your teeth through a migraine with two children to look after. Unbelievable.

thisisyesterday · 08/08/2008 21:08

monmoo, have you discussed possibly medications for it with your GP?
I only ask because giving up bf is a big thing, and can be something you regret later (I know I did)

obviously if you don't feel that way then ignore me lol, but if you do feel like you'd want to carry on if it weren't for the migraines then I am sure there are things that can be done...

wotnopulling · 08/08/2008 21:08

i'm guessing your m-i-l has never had a migraine, never mind a migraine while in sole charge of baby and toddler.
4 months of migraines?! you're a trooper!

noonki · 08/08/2008 21:11

second Cuckoo

also need to find out why you are having migranes... food?

TeacherSaysSo · 08/08/2008 21:12

possibly migraines are caused by low blood sugar level due to bf - poor you, if this is how your mil has started her life as a helpful grandmother...doesn't bode well!!!!

CuckooClockWorkOrange · 08/08/2008 21:13

I agree, you're a trooper. Now you can take a fistful of nurofen and wash it down with two glasses of vino! just, not infront of mil.

CuckooClockWorkOrange · 08/08/2008 21:13

ps, how long did she bf for????

Original poster
MonMoo · 08/08/2008 21:14

all - thank you so much for your support. This is the first time I've posted on mumsnet and its so lovely to get such a lot of lovely support.

thisisyesterday - have discussed it with GP and he is reluctant to prescribe anything while I am breastfeeding. Except codine which helps but not nearly enough. Was the same last time. He suggested betablockers but wanted me to stop bf first. So I did and the migraines stopped! Am assuming (hoping) that they will stop this time too. If not will prob go down that road. I do feel terrible about stopping bf though so if you (or anyone else) knows of anything I can safely take to make them manageable then please let me know.

OP posts:
thisisyesterday · 08/08/2008 21:16

monmoo, I will try and find out for you.
there are actually very few medications that are really unsafe to take whilst bf, so i'd be surprised if there isn't something that you can take.

Original poster
MonMoo · 08/08/2008 21:16

unfortunately MIL bf then until they were 18 - or so she would have me believe ( 9 monthes anyway). And also they all slept through the night by 6 weeks. Must be nice being perfect.....

OP posts:
chipmonkey · 08/08/2008 21:18

And if your GP says that medication for migraine is imcompatible with bf, don't take his word for it, check with MN! Sorry, don't mean to make you feel worse but if you could keep going, you would feel better?

But the main rule about being a MIL is to butt out of your DIL's decisions and YANBU to be annoyed!

CuckooClockWorkOrange · 08/08/2008 21:19

moomoo, how long did MIL bf for????

chipmonkey · 08/08/2008 21:20

Yes, according to my MIL, dh was apparently potty-trained at 18 months as were all his siblings and PIL never had a sleepless night!

Amnesia is great, isn't it!

CuckooClockWorkOrange · 08/08/2008 21:21

oh sorry, until they were 18!? Ok. no answer to that! except she's a crusading lactivist who puts her lactivatingcrusadiness above her dil's sanity!