Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

34 wks pg and friend annoyed that I don't feel up to entertaining her for lunch.

50 replies

ipanemagirl · 07/08/2008 22:41

I'm very tired after really overdoing it for the last 2 weeks and felt a little sick this morning, phoned her up and said I couldn't have her for lunch and she basically said - go to bed so you're up for it tomorrow! So I texted her tonight that I still felt bad and was going to crash out again tomorrow. No response - that means she's p*d off.

I just don't understand the bullish visitor. Surely you should visit people when they're feeling well and up for it?

I am very fond of her, she's a great strong character and a huge laugh but it's such a drag when it veers into her being a bully. She just sees most things in terms of what she wants, not what anyone else might need!

Feel better for moaning!

OP posts:
MaryAnnSingleton · 07/08/2008 22:44

poor you...has she been pregnant ever ?

DonnyLass · 07/08/2008 22:55

no you're not unreasonable.

You're growing a human. All your body is now at the point where every organ is squished and you're likely lumping around at least an extra 30lbs for hours every day. So you're tired.

If your friend did that at the gym 24h/day for 34 weeks then I'm guessing hosting lunch would be usurped by sleep!

Simple as that.

I am 24 weeks pregnant (second) and I took to my bed at 4pm today for 3h cos I was knackered ... leaving my mum who oly visits every few months to do supper and bed with my dd ... once upon a time I would've felt guilty about that ... but now I listen to what my body and growing baby tells me I need to do ... bugger other people's opinions, they'll get over it.

Friend should be able to have sympathy with that ... praps take a little time to talk saying, not moaning but think of it in this way and give her the facts v briefly.

If she doesn't gettit then, well, she never will!

mazzystar · 07/08/2008 23:00

she probably just wants to see you
take it as a compliment
ring her back and suggest another date
sorry you are feeling poorly

SheSellsSeashellsByTheSeashore · 07/08/2008 23:05

my friend 'visiting mr for lunch' when i was pg translated to him turning up with sandwhich bar butties and creamcakes and fizzy pop and after lunch he would hoover and wash up for me ! and he was a man. so no yanbu your friend should be more considerate of how worn out you are feeling and offer to help.

DonnyLass · 07/08/2008 23:11

seashells ... can I borrow your friend for a bit please ... does he clean baths?

Sidge · 07/08/2008 23:15

Why couldn't you just ask her to come round with a couple of sarnies or something? Then you could just lie on the sofa, eat your lunch (you've got to eat) and chat.

You blew her out twice, I can see why she might be a bit pissed off (especially if she's not been pregnant).

Sorry you're feeling wiped out, but a compromise might have been possible.

SheSellsSeashellsByTheSeashore · 07/08/2008 23:16

ah unfortunately he has moved away to go back to uni so i no longer have his servivces. though now i am not pg he has a habit of turning up unnanounced bearing wine and chocolate. god i love my friend

nametaken · 07/08/2008 23:33

YABU - you've got to make yourself a sarnie anyway, is it really so difficult to make 2?

Original poster
ipanemagirl · 08/08/2008 10:13

She has been pg 3 times! And I have had a very very busy few weeks, have definitely overdone it and just want some time to myself. She just doesn't take no, never has. And it won't be relaxing, she'll bring 5 year old child and entirely untrained DOG who jumps all over everything and destroys toys! I just can't do that level of invasion... apart from the fact that I need all my energy to do some really important things to do with getting ready for the baby.
And I do feel rough as well.
dh is quietly furious with her.
I just think she's very thick skinned. I'm sure she'll get over it, we're very fond of each other.
But feel better for airing this moan. I just find a pissed off mate makes me feel SO guilty and it kind of eats away at me.
Thanks for comments any way!
Seashells what a gorgeous friend. Friends like that don't bring out of control slobbering dogs do they???!!!

OP posts:
MaryAnnSingleton · 08/08/2008 11:31

nametaken - don't think ipanema meant the actual making of lunch, more the kerfuffle that goes along with it (child/dog/entertaining friend)

Original poster
ipanemagirl · 08/08/2008 11:35

it's true MAS! Very sweetly put! I just need to retreat! I actually hadn't even asked her (I'd been to visit her within the last 2 weeks) she invited herself both times.
We are good friends but I'm just baffled by the determination of some people to visit those who are sending contradictory signals! It's just such an odd thing to do!

MaryAnn how are you? Have you seen Tnog at all? I haven't seen her for ages!

OP posts:
MaryAnnSingleton · 08/08/2008 11:38

hi ipanema - I'm fine and no sign of tnog for ages ? was that other poster tnog though ? with the extra o ??

Original poster
ipanemagirl · 08/08/2008 11:40

It must have been her, but that was quite recently wasn't it?
She may be away of course. We should check with mummylin!
Hopeyou're well! I'm fine now I have no major commitments for a few days!

!!!!

OP posts:
MaryAnnSingleton · 08/08/2008 12:13

!! I'm not preg and sometimes can't be arsed to see people !!

sparklesandnowinefor11weeks · 08/08/2008 12:27

Hi ipa

of course yanbu, just text your friend and say 'i've been really busy, sorry you feel put out but i'll make it up when i'm feeling better and as you've been pg before i'm sure you understand'

leave it at that and let her get on with her huff

the tnog with the 2 o's was tnog. think she had to re-registar, not sure where she is now though, trying not to come on here too much i think, also she's mentioned something about going away for a couple of weeks

you must be getting very excited now

Original poster
ipanemagirl · 08/08/2008 15:45

Hello Sparkles!!!!!!!!!! thanks for news of La Tnog!!! How are you????

I know, MAS, i'm the same when pg or not.

I had a friend and her little boy coming for cake and tea a couple of weeks ago and I tidied and cleaned and bought yummy cake and stayed in and then she phoned me from the supermarket saying it was too late, she had too much shopping, the boy needed feeding and she couldn't make it. I wanted to burst into tears! But she came the next day and it was nice to see her but I have SO MUCH ELSE TO DO!!! at the mo, I feel like I need to nest now!!!

I am excited of course but s o s c a r e d as well..........

scared of the birth, scared that the LO will be ok, just scared. Also scared of going back to the beginning and doing all that toddler stuff again!!arghhhh!± at MY age?!?!?!?!?! What was I thinking??

Lovely to hear from you. Where can I find you two? Do you scuttlebug or wordgame? Of just specialist threads on Kent!!!!

OP posts:
sparklesandnowinefor11weeks · 08/08/2008 17:05

Why are you scared ipa? you'll be just fine mind you i must admit i'm a bit worried, but more about how i'll cope with 5 and whether I will ever get the DC to school on time...

yes i still scuttle and go on the word game, but won't be around for the next 3 weeks as we're going on holiday, but i'll look out for you when we get back. Who know's you might have had your LO by then....

Original poster
ipanemagirl · 08/08/2008 17:11

ru xpecting too Sparkles?! I didn't know! I can't believe you have 4!! You've nearly caught up with Brangelina!!!

OP posts:
Original poster
ipanemagirl · 08/08/2008 17:12

Have a lovely holiday!

OP posts:
sparklesandnowinefor11weeks · 08/08/2008 17:14

lol

yes no5 is due on 24th October

FWIW i'm knackered too and feel like being a hermit at home atm too

Original poster
ipanemagirl · 08/08/2008 22:14

number FIVE!!!!!! That is truly hard core of you! What's the spread in ages???
ds is 7 and we've finally managed to nearly have another! Have totally forgotten how to do everything! Hope the birth ain't too bad, second time can't be as bad can it???

OP posts:
Slickbird · 08/08/2008 22:23

You're quite right to blow her out, esp if she's the sort that likes her own way. Sorry, but I think 'sod her'. If she was a real friend she would understand and stop being an arse. I've had 'friends' like that in the past where it was all about them and I ditched them and am happier for it. it's a two way thing. Yes she might be disappointed not to see you but is she a grown up?

Enjoy your rest!

Original poster
ipanemagirl · 08/08/2008 22:46

thnx for moral support! It's also odd that I've heard nothing since yesterday. As far as she knows I'm not well (I'm feeling a little better since two days taking it easy actually) but no call to say 'how are you feeling?'. The silence seems to me to be telling me how she's feeling!
I have shed most friends like this but our dh's are massive mates so I need a working relationship here. Luckily she's robust and we'll get over it!

OP posts:
Slickbird · 08/08/2008 22:53

Well in that case, I would take her huffs with a pinch of salt and maybe keep her at an arms length emotionally, so that she doesn't drag you down or make you feel guilty.

Glad you feel better bit better for the rest tho!

Original poster
ipanemagirl · 08/08/2008 22:54

It's funny though how friendships can still remind me of the playground even though we're supposed to be proper grownups now with children of our own!!

OP posts: