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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think a parent should prioritise all of their children equally

172 replies

noonki · 04/08/2008 20:23

I just read a post in which it was argued that a father should prioritise a child they are living with over children from a previous relationship.

And that financially he should prioritise his new family over that of his old. TBH I am incensed.

I am a stepmum and would be shocked if my DH didn't view all of his children equally. In fact it would make me question him as a father.

He definitely has a different relationship with his first son but I think does with all of his kids.

I think attitudes like this can aggrevate issues such as father's (or in some rare cases mother's) not contributing finacially and emotionally to their children.

OP posts:
Original poster
noonki · 04/08/2008 22:16

I think still equal - just that the needs will be different..

a 40 year old shouldn't want to be financially supported bt their parents, but to be viewed as as important emotionally equal yes.

OP posts:
nzshar · 04/08/2008 22:17

Also actually a man of 40 kind of dosent need the same from his parents that a child of 4 does. But a child of 8 for example does need the same love attention and finacial support.

Original poster
noonki · 04/08/2008 22:20

not the same but the knowledge that they are considered as important.

One of my friends has a 32 year age gap from her half brother and was very upset that her dad distanced himself from her when she was going through a really tough period and could have done with some emotional and practical support.

OP posts:
Original poster
noonki · 04/08/2008 22:21

not the same but the knowledge that they are considered as important.

One of my friends has a 32 year age gap from her half brother and was very upset that her dad distanced himself from her when she was going through a really tough period and could have done with some emotional and practical support.

OP posts:
Original poster
noonki · 04/08/2008 22:21

not the same but the knowledge that they are considered as important.

One of my friends has a 32 year age gap from her half brother and was very upset that her dad distanced himself from her when she was going through a really tough period and could have done with some emotional and practical support.

OP posts:
nzshar · 04/08/2008 22:22

Yeah can see that point noonki

Original poster
noonki · 04/08/2008 22:23

oops!

OP posts:
nzshar · 04/08/2008 22:24
Smile
edam · 04/08/2008 22:33

I'm horrified by the other thread - the idea that it is OK to discriminate between children based on whether or not you are still together with the other parent. 'Oh, you don't matter as much as your new little sister since your mother and I spilt up.'

Although having seen some of the step-parenting threads over the years, I shouldn't be surprised. Sadly. Why on earth do these selfish/stupid people not realise that a partner who favours his second family over his first is a pretty shit parent all round, really?

expatinscotland · 05/08/2008 00:20

Apparently it's all my fault, edam. She was responding to a post of mine that was basically saying that if people have kids and then split up and can't afford more for the responsibility of supporting their first ones then that's really their lookout.

The poster in question has cited me personally several times in the past but oddly enough doesn't seem to so much with others who express similar opinions to mine.

Quattrocento · 05/08/2008 00:25

Don't get stressed about it Expat.

Isn't it just painfully obvious that people shouldn't have more children if they can't afford to support them?

expatinscotland · 05/08/2008 00:27

Apparently not, QC. They're entitled to live as they see fit, regardless of the consequences to anyone else .

cornsilk · 05/08/2008 00:29

Didn't realise the op was having a go at you expat. I agree with your opinion also. The op has not represented your views clearly.

expatinscotland · 05/08/2008 00:30

NO, NO. the OP of this thread is NOT having a go at me at all!

Someone on the other thread seems to have a penchant for naming me personally on several occasions quite pointedly but not to others who voice similar opinions.

hughjarssss · 05/08/2008 00:30

ROFL

and then I

PMSL

expatinscotland · 05/08/2008 00:32

Yeah, it's pretty funny, when you think about it.

cornsilk · 05/08/2008 00:32

confused...will bugger off.

hughjarssss · 05/08/2008 00:33

LMFAO

expatinscotland · 05/08/2008 00:36

Give them enough rope . . . and all that.

hughjarssss · 05/08/2008 00:37

I've reported this whole thread to MNHQ

nzshar · 05/08/2008 00:38

really ??!!

Quattrocento · 05/08/2008 00:38

On what basis?

jammi · 05/08/2008 00:47

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Quattrocento · 05/08/2008 00:52

I'm sorry you've got all these problems with your DPs exwife. It sounds absolutely horrible

I don't think anyone has said that individuals should be prepared to give up any hope of a future though

jammi · 05/08/2008 00:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn