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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask my DH to keep his mother away from me, just for a week or so.

37 replies

BabiesEverywhere · 04/08/2008 17:52

...or am I being a stroppy cow

I am 39 weeks + 3 days pregnant. Not sleeping well, having loads of painful brackon hicks, dealing with energetic nursing toddler and need to do so much around the house before the baby arrives.

We went to see the inlaws at the weekend, as arranged a few weeks ago and I made a real effort to be cheery and pleasant, when all I wanted to be was home with my DD and DH.

My MIL told me that she will be visiting me, as I have nothing to do !!! I tried to put her off politely but she doesn't listen to what anyone else says.

I just am not up to having her in my house at the moment, critising my housework and telling me tales of how she had a perfectly clean house and climbed mountains during her labour, whilst at the same time being a SAHM, WAHM and a WOHM (which is quite an achievement )

Should I bother my DH to put her off until after the new baby is here ? Or should I grin and bear her visits and hope my blood pressure doesn't go through the roof

She isn't a bad MIL, just a very tactless person who can't believe that other people can ever have a different opinion to her. i.e. If she thinks something is a good idea, then it is !!!

OP posts:
MrsMattie · 04/08/2008 17:54

YANBU! Give her a date when she can come and see you and not before. I would.

CarGirl · 04/08/2008 17:54

I would get your dh to ask her to take your toddler out for the day, or even better drop him off there so at least you get a break before her dropping him off and going into her ctritical role?

beanieb · 04/08/2008 17:55

could you just ignore the door?

AddictedToMyEarplugs · 04/08/2008 17:56

Can you not get her to do some cleaning for you if she claims to be so good at it? OR look after your toddler while you go for a kip?

noonki · 04/08/2008 17:57

YANBU at all -

maybe instead of seeing you she could see your toddler (down the park) and let you have a sleep!

BouncingTurtle · 04/08/2008 17:58

I think you should take out a contract on her myself.

Original poster
BabiesEverywhere · 04/08/2008 18:06

I like the idea of taking out a contract...LOL

She doesn't do looking after my DD or cleaning, she'll want to chat to me and be served tea/lunch etc and I don't feel up to it.

She has her own key to our house for emergencies(very long story) and last visit I was fuming that she just let herself and a couple of her friends into my house, whilst we were in the garden !!! Nearly letting out our inside cats and making me jump a mile when I saw people in my living room.

She just spend the best part of a day with my DD on Sunday, I reckon it is fair that she waits a week or so until we visit again.

OP posts:
greenlawn · 04/08/2008 18:12

Completely understand - mine is the same. In fairness she really really believes she is being helpful, but she just sends my blood pressure soaring - all that tutting and moaning and goodness-meing over the towels in my airing cupboard not being colour-coded or whatever.

Final straw for me was after ds1 arrived and we got back from hospital to find she had helpfully rearranged the house - couldn't find clean sheets, baking trays, the ironing board - half of it had been relocated to weird places like the garage or the shed. DH finally said enough was enough and we have to be selfish for once in our lives. When ds2 arrived he told her firmly she was to wait for an invite - and she grudgingly did so.

I just needed time on my own to being a family of 4 not 3 - and for once I was so pleased I was selfish and put myself first.

LadyThompson · 04/08/2008 18:30

You poor girl. You HAVE to get your DH to have a subtle word or your blood pressure will be soaring, which ain't good. If she gets the hump, tough titty. She sounds robust enough to bounce back from it...

Original poster
BabiesEverywhere · 04/08/2008 20:48

Mmmm, not impressed apparantly my DH feels it would be rude for him to ask his mother not to come when I am not up to a visit and I should try deflecting her on the phone if she rings before turning up

She doesn't listen to me, so I am going for the blunt NO approach and if that upsets her, so be it.

OP posts:
Original poster
BabiesEverywhere · 04/08/2008 20:49

Oh, and I'll be leaving my keys in the lock so she can't pop in uninvited.

OP posts:
TigerFeet · 04/08/2008 20:54

Hello BE

I will come round and fart in her general directin if you like ;)

Original poster
BabiesEverywhere · 04/08/2008 20:55
Wink
OP posts:
TigerFeet · 04/08/2008 20:56

I have really bad wind atm

pppphhhhhhhhhhrrraaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrpppppppp

Kewcumber · 04/08/2008 20:58

tell her your key broke in the lock and you have had it replaced and you'll give her a spare key when you get around to having one cut some time after the baby has arrived.

You don;t actually have to replace it, just persuade her that you have.

TigerFeet · 04/08/2008 21:13

Have you tried outrageous emotional blackmail in the form of sobbing longly and loudly about how tired you are????

quint · 04/08/2008 21:16

So your DH is prepared to upset you his heavily pregnant wife but not his mother - you need to have words and tell him to sort out his priorities

VeniVidiVickiQV · 04/08/2008 21:17

Get DH to tell her that you'd like to spend some quality time with your DD before the baby is born as this will be your last chance for a while for 1 to 1 time.

But, that when the baby is born you'd relish her company and her assistance. (Even if you dont relish it....)

twentypence · 04/08/2008 21:22

She has a key?

If she comes say "thank goodness - I simply have to have a lie down, you can look after dd - you know where the park is don't you?"

And lunch and tea is easy - just don't make any. If she makes hints then say "fabulous I take milk and no sugar and if you are making one I'd love a cheese sandwich."

quint · 04/08/2008 21:25

Definitely go with twenty pence idea - she'll soon get the message or you'll get some time to yourself and lunch thrown in too!

slim22 · 04/08/2008 21:30

yes, jut stay in bed with chocolate and mags and ignore everyone

Original poster
BabiesEverywhere · 04/08/2008 21:32

I'm going to keep the keys in the door. If she rings I will tell her NOT to come, if she turns up, I will tell her at the door that I'm om my way to bed btu she is welcome to take DD out for the day if she wishes.

OP posts:
Original poster
BabiesEverywhere · 04/08/2008 21:34

quint, Sadly, his mother is the only thing we have argued about over the last 15 years or so. He finds her difficult to deal with too and often chooses to avoid upsetting whenever possible as he does love her.

OP posts:
ataraxis · 04/08/2008 21:38

Hi babies ,

If I were you, I would ring her and tell her categorically not to come. I know it's difficult but if your DH isn't prepared to then you need to do what's best for you. My mum was wanting to come down for a couple of nights in a week or so and I have said just that - work on the house, new baby imminent, just need to sort ourselves out, so no offence but not right now... I know it is probably easier saying it to your own mum than MIL but better than having her down unwanted when she will annoy you just for being there.

Or else, go into labour tonight...

ScummyMummy · 04/08/2008 21:40

yanbu! tell her you're busy with friends and sleeping.