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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to accuse my DH of being unsupportive

28 replies

fruitstick · 01/08/2008 20:32

I had first day of potty training today. It didn't go well but I didn't really expect it to.

However DH came home and announced he had arranged to take DS out for the day with his dad tomorrow. I said he couldn't as it was day 2 of potty training. He didn't see the big deal and would put a nappy on him for the day. he got really angry and said I was being selfish and unreasonable and he was only trying to do something nice for me. Then refused to speak but did phone his dad to cancel the trip in a huff, said his dad was really upset etc etc .

I realise there are people with real problems and that this is a trivial tiff (he's normally a great dad and husband) but aaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrggggggggghhhhhhhh. I would just like him to say, well done on the PT, is there anything I can do to help?

Am I being unreasonable? Have I got this potty training out of proportion?

OP posts:
cocolepew · 01/08/2008 20:34

Start it on Monday and let them have their day out.

2point4kids · 01/08/2008 20:35

Did he know in advance that you were starting potty training today?
Did you also explain to him what it involves? (ie. staying in most of the first week rather than life just carrying on as normal but minus nappies)

If yes to both then YANBU
If no then YABU, he didnt realise and he was just trying to arrange a nice day out with his Dad and your DS.

QueenBhannae · 01/08/2008 20:38

Why not pop some undies inside his nappy to encourage him to tell his dad if he is wet whilst out and tell him they are special knickers for potty boys?
You are only on the first day.
Let him go out with his dad and grandad

LazyLinePainterJane · 01/08/2008 20:38

Well, I think it helps with potty training if you are as laid back as possible about it. If you need to go out and he needs to have a nppy on, then do so. It doesn't matter. I did with DS and he was still dry within 2 weeks.

Do not make a big deal out of it.

mamabea · 01/08/2008 20:39

buy a portable potty?

we have one- it's great.

Original poster
fruitstick · 01/08/2008 20:43

I did tell him both things although he never joins the two up (iyswim). Either that or he just wasn't listening! He knew I would have to spend the days in the house but doesn't see why he can't put him in nappies tomorrow.

We've been waiting for a month for a weekend where we had nothing planned.

I can't start on Monday as I work 3 days a week so wanted a good 3 day run at it (rather than leaving it to nursery). Also, I don't see why I should confuse DS and undo all my hard work just for his convenience.

I'm a magnus magnusson kind of girl and like to stick to plans once I've made them!!

OP posts:
Original poster
fruitstick · 01/08/2008 20:45

I think I probably am being unreasonable. It's just it always feels like I do the difficult bits (weaning, sleep training, discipline) and he gets to undo it all with the fun bits!

Maybe I need a sticker chart of my own!

OP posts:
Sobernow · 01/08/2008 20:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HonoriaGlossop · 01/08/2008 21:15

this would have annoyed me! You told him beforehand - he shouldn't have arranged a day out. I totally see why you wanted a few days at home to go for it; it's easier and less disruptive for the child

YANBU!

JuneBugJen · 01/08/2008 21:18

let him go. give him a five pack of pants and trousers. Hide the nappies.
There you go, punish your husband for not consulting you and toilet train your child at the same time.

Tortington · 01/08/2008 21:21

yabu dear god yabvu ,

jammi · 01/08/2008 21:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster
fruitstick · 01/08/2008 21:28

no not at all, I just had planned to have a good run at it for 3 days, to get him used to the idea. I was going to do it last weekend but they went out for the day on Sunday so I put it back a week.

Junebugjen - I like you're thinking! Especially given DH 'doesn't do' dirty nappies any more.

I have had a glass of wine now and feel a little better. I think it was the combination of mopping up piss all day and having a husband breeze in telling me it didn't fit in with his weekend!

But god bless mumsnet for bringing some perspective to the situation (I am also 12 wks pg so have very little of it at the moment!)

OP posts:
littleducks · 01/08/2008 21:39

oh dh did this last week, we also have been waiting for a good time to potty train, got a day or two in last time then dd was very ill so back in nappies, so last friday i said to him is there anything you would like to do with dd before i start potty training, he looks surprised as says no

i start potty training on sunday, she obviously pees everywhere

he announces sunday night he wants to take her to mil's house (fully carpeted including KITCHEN) for a dinner with guests

i didnt get cross kept repeating that i was potty training, then he spent some time with us on monday then left on his own, i think he realised he couldnt handle it!!!

btw we are on day 6, yesterday and today have been really good so hang in there!

UniversallyChallenged · 01/08/2008 21:44

you are mad (said in a nice way )

You had the chance of a day off and cancelled it because you are potty training???

I started my ds1 a day or so before ds2 starting having seizures so it was a long drawn out few weeks of nappies/no nappies/potty etc between hospital visits for ds2. He still picked it up no problem as have the other 4.

TAKE THE DAY OFF!

Just ask your dp to pop ds on a toilet whenever him of his dad are using one

Roboshua · 01/08/2008 22:03

You are making a biy of a drama out of nothing and spoilt a day for three people (4 if you include yourself). I certainly never went through a big performance for potty training. I thought it was only something that SAHM's did. All that staying at home all week and not going anywhere. Nursery did really helpt in that they saw other children (usually the girls using the potty and going to the toilet) but in both cases they choose themselves when they wanted to use potty/toilet so there was no real training involved. I had a potty in the corner of the living room and used to ask DS1 if he wanted to use it at regular intervals. There was a straight refusal at first. Then one day he went and sat on the potty and that was that. Nursery told me the day after he'd started asking to use the toilet. It was pretty much the same for DS2. You're stressing much too much.

Has yr DS actually shown any interest in potty training. If not you really are making a rod for your own back!!

themildmanneredjanitor · 01/08/2008 22:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

OurHamsterisevil · 01/08/2008 22:09

YANBU. If you have been waiting a while to start I don't see why you should stop because your DH didn't think something through. He must have known you were planning it, so he shouldn't have organised the day out.

AbbeyA · 01/08/2008 22:12

I think you answered your own question at the start-you have got it out of proportion.
Routines are made to be broken-it won't hurt to have a break and a nice day out.

cathcat · 02/08/2008 00:18

How old is DS? I ask because I only lasted half a day with DS2 (2.9) a few weeks ago and know I should bite the bullet again.
YANBU in my opinion, these things should be done as a partnership and surely DH sees the advantages of DS being potty trained. On the other hand can you see the advantage of a day off, esp as you are 12 weeks pg? ]

chapstickchick · 02/08/2008 00:52

if hes ready for the potty he should be telling you or making signals anyway if hes not and you are pre empting his need to wee then thats not strictly toilet training thats toilet time training getting lucky some of the time.....put him in pullups and offer him a treat if he keeps em dry.

littleducks · 02/08/2008 07:33

I wouldnt agree with that csc, when i started the first day dd was very surpriased that when she peed she got wet then for the next three days i was pre empting her need to go and taking her after drinks etc. this allowed her to ge used to using the toilet, knowing which muscles to use and now she is starting to ask to go or at home just going to the bathroom.

kslatts · 02/08/2008 08:27

YABU.

chapstickchick · 03/08/2008 00:35

littleducks im not saying what i say is the only way but its the way thats worked best for me as a mum of 3 boys that were all dry day and night by 2 (not bcos im supermum - they were ready and able) and because the mount of children ive toilet trained in my work as a nursery nurse.

it could be that your dd was reasy but hdnt quite pieced the urge to wee and the action to wee together and you pre empting her need helped her understand the concept.

all i know and i would argue til i was blue in the face is that for succesful toilet training the child has to be ready in its own maturity.

twinsetandpearls · 03/08/2008 00:47

Let them have the day out and you put your feet up for the day.