if I'm really pissed off with the childminder for saying this....

[bohemianbint]

...dropped DS (who is very nearly 2) off at the childminder's this morning and we were talking about how he's really clingy at the mo. (I'm 38 weeks pregnant and I think he knows something's afoot and is a bit unsettled.) I didn't send his dummy because I'm trying to get him to keep it just for sleep times, which isn't usually a problem and he doesn't really mind normally.

When I came to pick him up, CM said he had been asking for his dummy. So she said to him:

"you can't have your dodie or mummy won't come back because she doesn't want to see you with it."

Then apparently "he just made a little noise and didn't mention it again, so it worked brilliantly!"

Freaking STUPID thing to say to a kid at the best of times, but when she knows he's a bit insecure at the moment I think it's beyond stupid.

Thing is, she is generally really lovely, and I don't think she meant it in a nasty way, she's just a bit...I dunno...dense?

There have been other issues recently but this has got me really pissed off and I'm thinking I won't send him again.

I'm not BU, am I?

Oh dear. I don't think you are being unreasonable. But something tells me you already know this.

This is definately something no one should say to a child. It's completely out of order. It's on par with calling a child stupid/ugly/useless. Poor thing. It's a horrid thing to say to a child.

I wouldn't send him again if you have a choice.

That's a horrible thing to say to the poor boy. Sounds too thick to be working with children if she can't understand that.

Yanbu. Not at all. I'd have to say something to her about that. I'd also feel uneasy taking him again as I would worry about what else she is saying to him regardless of whether she meant no harm. Poor little lad.

Not read your other issues yet so can't comment on them but if this isn't an isolated thing then you are right to wonder about taking him again imo.

Poor little boy

Oh dear. YANBU. I'd ditch her, however nice she is (esp. given your other thread). That really is beyond dense!!

that is bad
yanbu

Yanbu but don't throw the baby out with the bathwater.

She prob didn't mean it nastily, so keep going if you are otherwise happy with her. But perhaps say how upset he was with the idea that 'mummy wasn't coming back' and how children don't understand the concept of 'forever' etc.

Junebug -If I had to spell those things out to my cm, I don't think I'd be happy sending my child there. I'd be wondering what other aspects of childcare she didn't realise might be hurtful.

Are you stopping with the CM soon anyway - being as your 38 weeks.

I would look for someone new after your mat leave.

true juule, sometimes I can be surprised what people say to their kids or the kids they are looking after.
Think I am just saying that if she is otherwise kind and reliable, its just a horrible lapse. Perhaps a stern word and a second chance?

Just read your other post.
I'm a bit surprised that your ds has been going for a year. Is it only recently that you've had cause for concern? Have these things only started happening recently or have you only just noticed?

ick ick ick

Having read that - get him out of there! NOW!!!

Less concerned about this and more concerned about all the issues on your other post, the tv issue,the feeding him in a pushcair issue with a spoon. No my child would not be going to this CM even if it was just for 3 hours. She doesn't seem to have much concept of what children need.

she sounds like, as my mum puts it a 'keep 'em alive till bedtime' childminder.

They are fine for after school for older kids but not your baby. Use maternity leave to find another if you need to.

oh hell get him out ffs.

she sounds like a nightmare, like everyone says, get him out now. Dreadful thing to say to a small child even without all the other stuff.

We had one like it. after school she plopped us infront of the tv, gave us crap food and ignored us for 2 hours. When you are 10 it was like bliss!

We pulled DS out of a nursery immediately after DP heard a worker say something very similiar to another child.

Child was new, was crying when her mum left and in her distress kicked out at her Mum. Worker said 'there you are, your Mummies left you here because she doesn't want a little girl who kicks her'. Couldn't bear for DS to even hear that said to another child and think nursery was somewhere parents left children when they didnt want them. DP got hi coat, brought him home, he never went again, and the relief was enormous. Despte frantic search for an alternative.

Just take the decision.

This coupled with your other post makes me feel this woman is not equipped to be looking after young children. I assume she is all above board and actually registered etc?

YANBU-I would find another CM.

take him out,

my Childminder is lovely and flexible and Brilliant with kids....

TV on occasionally but 90% of the time they are playing, at park, playgroup etc etc... I have a dog and never ever let her shit in the garden it is totally disgusting to expect children to play their

I spend quite a lot of time hanging out with my childminder when I am off work. And some of the things I see other childminders do makes me so much so I have reported to ofsted and Social services.

A childminder is being paid to look after and stimulate your child not plonk it in front of the telly.