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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

if I'm really pissed off with the childminder for saying this....

52 replies

bohemianbint · 01/08/2008 18:49

...dropped DS (who is very nearly 2) off at the childminder's this morning and we were talking about how he's really clingy at the mo. (I'm 38 weeks pregnant and I think he knows something's afoot and is a bit unsettled.) I didn't send his dummy because I'm trying to get him to keep it just for sleep times, which isn't usually a problem and he doesn't really mind normally.

When I came to pick him up, CM said he had been asking for his dummy. So she said to him:

"you can't have your dodie or mummy won't come back because she doesn't want to see you with it."

Then apparently "he just made a little noise and didn't mention it again, so it worked brilliantly!"

Freaking STUPID thing to say to a kid at the best of times, but when she knows he's a bit insecure at the moment I think it's beyond stupid.

Thing is, she is generally really lovely, and I don't think she meant it in a nasty way, she's just a bit...I dunno...dense?

There have been other issues recently but this has got me really pissed off and I'm thinking I won't send him again.

I'm not BU, am I?

OP posts:

Original poster

bohemianbint · 01/08/2008 21:12

Thanks for all the replies. This has all just come to light in the last couple of weeks or he would have been long gone. He's definitely not going back. I wondered if it was over-protective pregnancy hormones, or if I was being (much as I hate the expression) PFB about it as a few people have said if it's just for 3 hours a week and she's flexible - and she really does seem to love him, and he likes her. I just hadn't realised until today that she was capable of saying something so stupid. That's what makes it hard, I don't think she has a malicious bone in her body, she's just thick.

I did tell her I hoped she hadn't said that as it would no doubt have freaked him out. She didn't seem to get the significance and just carried on rabbiting for another 35 minutes. (That's another thing, it always takes me half an hour to get in or out as she just doesn't shut up.)

So that's that. I'm not going back to work for the forseeable so DS won't be going again, and we won't be bothering to find any alternatives for the time being either. I'll maybe look into nurseries in a year or so, but not even really sure about that. Feel like I can hardly trust anyone to look after him at the moment without them doing something bloody stupid, which is unfortunate as we really need a bit of help with the second one imminent.

OP posts:

Original poster

bohemianbint · 03/08/2008 16:04

I'm not sure I'm going to tell her why though. I think she'd be really upset.

OP posts:

Turniphead1 · 03/08/2008 16:48

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

juuule · 03/08/2008 17:08

Or if you don't want a confrontation just now why don't you just say you would like him at home with the new baby coming etc.

Original poster

bohemianbint · 03/08/2008 19:57

Cheers juuule, definitely don't want the confrontation as am about to give birth any day! I think I'll just tell her we can't afford to send him this week and buy ourselves a bit of time. Maybe I'll discuss it with her properly at a later date.

OP posts:

reethi96 · 03/08/2008 19:59

YANBU. I remember your other post too. I don't think the woman sounds switched on enough to be a CM. I would take him out of there swiftly.

mumeeee · 03/08/2008 20:07

Yanbu.She may be flexable, but she doesn;t seem to know how to treat children.I would stop taking him there.

bookswapper · 03/08/2008 21:41

poor child...how stupid and cruel
take him out

if she asks why, give her a print out of this thread when you are ready....

OLIVIASMAMA · 03/08/2008 22:01

Go with your instinct which is very apparent after reading both this and your other thread.

You know what to do and what you want for your child - ask yourself "would you care for your own or someone elses child in this way?".....

Original poster

bohemianbint · 04/08/2008 15:42

bookswapper - haha! Can you imagine?!!

I've been actively trying not to stress about how other people care for my child for fear of being accused of PFB syndrome and all that shite, and I know that I have very set ideas about how he should be brought up. I was attempting to loosen the reins a little, but I just can't do it, and it's put me off doing it to be honest. I'd rather be accused of all kinds of control freakery than leave my son with people who aren't doing a decent job.

OP posts:

ShinyPinkShoes · 04/08/2008 15:48

What was her Ofsted report like?

I am amazed if she even made it through an inspection and please do tell her what you're not happy about; if only to prevent another child being treated like this.

Original poster

bohemianbint · 04/08/2008 15:51

I actually haven't seen her most recent one, thinking about it. She must have had it done in the last few months. Do I have to ask her if I can see it or can I go straight to OFSTED?

OP posts:

ShinyPinkShoes · 04/08/2008 15:58

If you look on the Ofsted website it should be there, or email me some basic details I can find it for you

[email protected]

Original poster

bohemianbint · 04/08/2008 16:08

Ahhh - they only do the checks every 3 years? Then she probably hasn't had it done recently. I can't remember what her last one said, my brain's gone to mush at this stage.

I've just had a look at the OFSTED website, apparently I need to know her unique ID and I'm not sure if I have that. What do I need to email you for you to check Shiny? Would really appreciate any help, I suddenly really want to see it...

OP posts:

ShinyPinkShoes · 04/08/2008 16:14

All I need is her name and her postcode

Original poster

bohemianbint · 04/08/2008 16:17

lovely lovely! Will email you now....

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TinkerBellesMum · 04/08/2008 16:20

You're entitled to be control freaky and (I hate it too) pfb - IT'S YOUR CHILD!

If you're not happy, move him or take him out as you're at home. Don't worry about what other people think and even if you was UR it doesn't matter, you need to be happy with your child's caregiver.

Original poster

bohemianbint · 04/08/2008 16:22

done...

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stealthsquiggle · 04/08/2008 16:25

I think you should consider raising some of this with Ofsted - avoiding the confrontation which you don't need right now but protecting other people's DC from the same pitfalls?

If/when you get back to looking, be assured, not all CMs, nurseries, etc are bad and most can and will listen to you and care for your DC in the way you want them to.

Original poster

bohemianbint · 04/08/2008 16:30

Cheers stealthsquiggle, you could be right, although I don't want to get her in any trouble as she really is a nice person, just a bit daft.

I will try not to let this colour my opinion of other childcare providers, it's just so hard when the only people who have ever looked after DS (CM and grandparents) have done some really rubbish stuff, which starts to make you wonder just who you can trust!

OP posts:

ShinyPinkShoes · 04/08/2008 16:41

My email back to you is just scanning!

stealthsquiggle · 04/08/2008 17:02

in a positive thinking mode - at least you now know what you don't want and a load of questions to ask.

To put it in perspective, the worst thing I can find to "complain" about with DD's nursery (which she has been at since she was 6mo, now 21mo) is that they have taught her to call her bottom her 'bum'

OTOH, she says "bless you" whenever anyone sneezes, says please, Thank you and excuse me as appropriate and they tolerate/accomodate what they politely term her 'strong character'

see - it can be good

Original poster

bohemianbint · 04/08/2008 17:05

Shiny - thank you very much, have replied! Interesting reading - don't recognise many of the positive points sited there so even worse than it seems!

OP posts:

ShinyPinkShoes · 04/08/2008 17:19

You're very welcome

I have to say the report is dire -so much as I am happy to have helped I am sorry to be the bearer of such bleak news

TinkerBellesMum · 04/08/2008 17:24

So they weren't pleased with her? I've been waiting to hear what it said lol (not that I'm expecting a c&p!)

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