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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

In being furious with DH for asking freinds to baby-sit?

46 replies

Snowi · 24/07/2008 09:23

In being furious with DH for asking friends who have NEVER looked after children ever before to baby-sit our 14 month old for 1 whole day, & not even discussing it with me first? How will I have peace of mind on the day knowing that my DS is being looked after people who?ve never looked after kids before or am I just being neurotic?? And of course DH thinks I?m over-reacting & now is not speaking to me!

OP posts:
belgo · 24/07/2008 09:25

If I had never looked after a child before, I wouldn't know what to do with a 14 month old for the whole day. For a couple of hours maybe, but not a whole day.

Your dh should have descussed this with you first.

YANBU.

lulumama · 24/07/2008 09:25

who did you want to look after the little one? can you have the friends over whislt you are there to meet your DC and spend some time playing /intereacting etc

if i have a new babysitter, i always have them over first to meet the DCs in the day.

YANBU to mind, but maybe credit DH with enough intelligence to not ask someone totally unsuitable

most mature adutls would know what to do with a 14 months old and you can always leave an instruction manual !

corblimeymadam · 24/07/2008 09:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

EffiePerine · 24/07/2008 09:26

Well, maybe he was trying to be helpful? Rather than going off on one, try saying 'how thoughtful, but I'd prefer it if we discussed these things first as I'm a bit worried they might not be able to cope'

Original poster
Snowi · 24/07/2008 09:27

We would have asked DH' aunt who lives further away! GRRRRR! Am still seething.

OP posts:
theSuburbanDryad · 24/07/2008 09:28

Wot Effie said.

How old are they? So long as they're not a couple of kids then I'd maybe be ok with it - or maybe have them over to meet the dc before you go away. I wouldn't leave my ds with someone he'd never met before, regardless of whether they had childcare experience or not.

EffiePerine · 24/07/2008 09:29

(speaking as someone who regularly babysat as a clueless teenager - no children were harmed in this story)

Romy7 · 24/07/2008 09:39

i'd be dead chuffed - normally i have to sweat blood for months to try and sort out sitters for anything - he did it on his own? is he taking you somewhere nice? any average NT kid at 14 months is going to survive a day with 2 grown adults - as long as they know which end to put food in and which end to clean if it smells, what's the issue? nap time is x or give him a cuddle - have a lovely day - gosh, this could be the start fo a whole new babysitting service - maybe they are planning on having kids real soon and want some practice?
i used to babysit 5 kids and answer the phones for a taxi firm at 16, i think i could manage a single 14mo as a grown up.

LIZS · 24/07/2008 09:43

I think furious is a bit strong ! Concerned maybe , and wanting to have at least had the idea run past me. However I'm sure they'll manage , have a chat and work out what info and things you need to leave them . Is it at your house or theris ?

wannaBe · 24/07/2008 09:52

are you annoyed because he arranged someone who has never looked after a child? or because he didn't discuss it with you first?

I do think yabu a bit sorry. If you arrange a babysitter do you discuss it with your dh first to see whether he approves of your choice? Your dh has just as much right to choose who he wants to babysit his child as you do, and if you don't generally discuss your choice of babysitters with your dh then you don't have the right to dxpect that he discuss his choice of babysitters with you.

Presumably the people concerned are happy to look after your pfb or they wouldn't have agreed to it.

Romy7 · 24/07/2008 09:56

lol waanabe - i so nearly put 'pfb?' but sat on my hands.

hearnoevil · 24/07/2008 10:23

yabu, especially to be "furious" with him about it.

Acinonyx · 24/07/2008 10:24

yanbu - I would not have consented but then dh would never have suggested it.

I always consult dh when making childcare arrangements and would never arrange anything without his approval. Is that unusual? He would certainly never do something like this without consulting me first. We're both her parents, after all.

MsDemeanor · 24/07/2008 10:26

I used to look after children as a 16 year old. I think I was really good at it. I used to have sole charge of three kids during the summer holidays. I also babysat babies. I had much more energy, kindness, patience, imagination and enthusiasm than I do now, probably because the kids were an amazing novelty. the kids loved me, and still (they are ADULTS now!) have fond memories of me, which is hugely touching.
If your child knows and likes these people, then I'm sure it will be fine. I mean, looking after a todder isn't not brain surgery/rocket science, is it?

Acinonyx · 24/07/2008 10:30

'If your child knows and likes these people' - yes that would be the deciding factor to me. But still very odd to me not to discuss it first.

Dynamicnanny · 24/07/2008 10:36

YABU - He'll be fine - he's 14 months old not 14 days old

TheCrackFox · 24/07/2008 10:37

Yabu - if you have a mobile then they can always phone you.

TBH - my DH has never organized a baby-sitter but that is because he is lazy. I think you should enjoy that your DH is sharing the responsibility.

branflake81 · 24/07/2008 10:44

YAB completly unreasonable. I am assuming these friends are nice, trustworthy people? You shuold be pleased.

Acinonyx · 24/07/2008 10:44

If he was 'sharing' the responsibility he would have consulted the op first. He's 'taking' it - different thing.

MsDemeanor · 24/07/2008 10:46

Surely most women are bloody delighted when their partner arranges childcare? I don't much care for all this jealous gatekeeping. He's their parent too! He just arranged it, not imposed it. Don't any of you arrange anything for your children unilaterally? I bet you do!

Acinonyx · 24/07/2008 11:16

I would never arrange anything that involved dd being away from both parents without consulting dh and vice versa. I'm really surprised to find that is unusual. Doesn't need hours of discussion just to do that.

TillyScoutsmum · 24/07/2008 11:27

but maybe he wanted it to be a surprise...?

The thought of dp coming home one day and saying "right, I've arranged babysitters and I'm taking you out for the day" without me having to arrange anything would be wonderful.

My dd is 14 months as well and a pfb. I can understand you may be a little concerned - but there's presumably time for them to spend a bit of time with ds with you there and for you to brief them on what to do... Its not really rocket science is it ?

Bumdiddley · 24/07/2008 11:36

What belgianbunsaid!

The only child I ever looked after before I had dd and ds was my 14 mo nephew. We found the grunting when he pooed hilarious and I put rubber gloves on and tied a t-shirt round my nose when I changed him

Are you more annoyed that he didn't consult you? Or that you don't know the people.

IMO yabu - enjoy it!

wannaBe · 24/07/2008 11:39

Acinonyx really? How old are your dc?

My ds is nearly six and I can honestly say that if on the spur of the moment I had to ask someone else to pick him up from school/if someone offered to take him to a party/if any other situation arose where ds was going to be with someone other than me for a period, it wouldn't even occur to me to ring dh and say "oh darling, is it ok if x picks up ds/I leave ds with y for a bit?". As ds' parent I expect my dh to trust my judgement with regards to the care of my child and vice versa.

If dh started to have issue with me making decisions wrt ds' care (and we're talking a couple of hours here and there not a full-time arrangement) I would want to know why.

Acinonyx · 24/07/2008 12:20

She's only 3 so I imagine it will probably change as she gets older. She's not at the stage of being left with someone other than her childminder yet. I can see that it will probably be more spontaneous when she starts school and wants to go to a friend's house on her own. Hadn't really thought that far ahead!