Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

In being furious with DH for asking freinds to baby-sit?

46 replies

Snowi · 24/07/2008 09:23

In being furious with DH for asking friends who have NEVER looked after children ever before to baby-sit our 14 month old for 1 whole day, & not even discussing it with me first? How will I have peace of mind on the day knowing that my DS is being looked after people who?ve never looked after kids before or am I just being neurotic?? And of course DH thinks I?m over-reacting & now is not speaking to me!

OP posts:

Romy7 · 24/07/2008 13:47

oh blimey. i interviewed nannies without dh being there! there is no way at all that it would ever work if i needed to double check every cm decision i made. i would literally have to turn down not just work but half of the dcs appointments as physically impossible to be in two places. i tell dh what's happening (if i remember lol) and he's grateful he doesn't have to organise such trivia himself. if he tells me we've got a work do and i say 'well you find a babysitter then, because i'm all out of ideas' he'd likely have a coronary. and he's a totally hands on dad who i leave with the kids for days on end when i'm away with work. it would never ever cross my mind to ask his opinion on arrangements i had made.
i think it's fascinating how we've all got such different ideas

Romy7 · 24/07/2008 13:54

that said, we've both worked away at different times since dd1 was very tiny. he went away for the first time when she was 6 weeks, and i went back to work and have left her (and the other two) routinely for the weekend and occasionally longer from about 6 months, so i guess it's something we've always done and are totally used to. i couldn't be ringing him in another time zone to discuss cm arrangements - not that rich lol and he would think i was stark staring bonkers. i guess if you are both at home all the time and there aren't many changes to the routine then it's be a bigger deal - for us flexibility is a way of life!
whatever works for you - but helpful if you and dh share the same opinion about this - and obv you don't, which is a bigger problem!

melpomene · 24/07/2008 13:57

I agree that 'furious' is too strong, but it's reasonable to be concerned and want to be sure that the babysitters know how to cope. Can you have a 'trial run' where they look after him for a short time while you're in the house or close by? Are they looking after him in your house, or theirs? Also, if they don't have experience of children you may need to spell out safety issues to them, eg stair gate, keeping hot drinks out of risk, watching out for choking hazards etc.

mumblechum · 24/07/2008 13:59

Sorrybut I think YAB a bit U.

It's nice of your dh to organise something, these people are presumably intelligent human adults capable ofphoning you if they're unsure of what to do.

My dh wouldn't have had a clue who to ask to babysit, that was always my department and I didn't consult him on nannies/childminders/nurseries.

But I am a dinosaur.

Kewcumber · 24/07/2008 14:04

Would they baby sit for me instead?

Turniphead1 · 24/07/2008 14:05

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

Turniphead1 · 24/07/2008 14:08

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

Acinonyx · 24/07/2008 14:18

Wrt nurseries and cm - I do the intial leg-work and enquiries but then dh expects to visit/meet them prior to a final decision. Not that he's ever disagreed with me - I guess he likes to feel involved even though I am clearly the main childcare organiser. I guess there really isn't much to organise though in our case so it's an easy system.

Hmmm, should I or should i not confess that I arranged dd's first babysitter last week - and she's 3....

Alambil · 24/07/2008 14:29

Your DH can take me out instead, if he wants - I'm desperate for a day off!

whispywhisp · 24/07/2008 14:48

I wouldn't be 'furious' with my DH if he'd asked a friend to look after my kids whilst he took me out for the day. I'd be very touched that he'd tried to actually plan something.

Snowi...if the people your DH has asked are your friends surely you know them well enough to know whether or not you're happy to leave your ds with them?

The fact your DH had actually tried to plan something is, imo, lovely. There are very few men who know how to make a cup of tea let alone plan a day out.

Notanexcitingname · 24/07/2008 15:48

Sticking my neck out, I think YANBU.

Is is usual for an average NT 14 nmonth old to be totally fine being loked afterward for a whole day by two people he's not met before? Cos mine wouldn't have been, and wouldn't be now 9at 2). Does that make him not NT? Or not average? Mine would have been fearful and confused.

And I'd worry about the ability of someone who's never changed a nappy to start practising on a 14 month old escape artist. OK, hardly likely to be damaging for life, but I prefer not to have poo everywhere.

Bumdiddley · 24/07/2008 15:51

Notanexcitingname - ummm..don't you think they would clean up the poo??

Acinonyx · 24/07/2008 15:57

Mine would be fearful and confused now at 3 and hysterical at 14 months! I guess some babies are better with strangers than others.

Original poster

Snowi · 25/07/2008 13:58

I was angry because we had discussed who we would ask, but then he decided to ask his friends who we hadn't discussed & who I would not have suggested. These friends are sweet people but I have watched them with DS before, & really they don't have a clue. Also DS has moments with them, sometimes doesn't want to go near them. I do appreciate DH effort in organising a day out for us, but like I said before, he went against what we'd discussed. Anyway, all is forgiven now.

OP posts:

Ivegotaheadache · 25/07/2008 23:34

I might be the lone voice here, but I'd be furious if dh and I had discussed who would babysit 15 month old ds for the day, only to then find he'd arranged for people that ds hardly knew to have him.

I would be furious and probably wouldn't go. It's not about how we feel about the babysitters (well it is but you know what I mean), at that age children are so aware of who they know, and I couldn't go out knowing I had left him with (lovely and sensible and kind) strangers.

zwiggy · 25/07/2008 23:40

if you are not happy with the arrangements can you tell your dp and arrange something different. You are being a bit unreasonable to complain about his non communication and then not use communication to resolve it. However YANBU to not want leave your child with someone you feel unhappy about

nappyaddict · 30/07/2008 13:47

My 2 friends are looking after DS over night next week. They've never looked after kids before. They are sensible and responsible so I have no problem with it. Your dh was probably just thinking the same.

plantsitter · 30/07/2008 13:58

I can't believe they agreed to babysit for the whole day to be perfectly honest. Proves they really have never looked after kids before

nappyaddict · 30/07/2008 13:59

how long is the whole day? if its only for say about 5 hours i'd say go for it.

madame · 30/07/2008 14:00

I just wouldn't do it and tell him I wasn't happy. I would be a bit like why did you do that but not furious.

Dannat · 30/07/2008 14:04

I can understand why you would be annoyed, but I can see this from the other side as all baby sitting arrangements are left to me, even if it for something DH wants to do. If I suggest that he sorts the baby sitting out, he throws a tantrum and can't seem to cope with the magnitude of the task . I think I would be quite touched that even though it was a bit of a dodgy call, in my opinion, at least he had attempted to sort it himself for a change.

Flip

1 2