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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be upset that the school have decided to split my 5 yr old up from all of his close friends and put him in a different class from September?

41 replies

LadySnotAlot · 09/07/2008 12:51

I guessed they might split him and his best friend up as they have a habit of doing this, but to split him from all of his close friends and make him start over?

He is only 5 and whilst I completely appreciate that he will definitely make new friends, it does seem rather a lot to separate him from his circle of friends and expect him to make new ones all over. He only started school in January and so is already on the backfoot and I feel like now they're just trying to stretch him emotionally too.

Am I being totally overprotective?

OP posts:

Romy7 · 09/07/2008 12:53

same thing happened with ds1 last year. he's still alive though!

Romy7 · 09/07/2008 12:53

they all still play together if that helps... i'm still a bit sore about it as he's in a class of girls with no real boy friends, but hey ho.

TheFallenMadonna · 09/07/2008 12:54

Friendships are rather fluid at that age. He will be fine

maidamess · 09/07/2008 12:55

Yes you are being over protective, but understandably so. I wouldn't like my 5 year old to start again. But there will be other children in his position, and maybe a few new to the school.

You'll be amazed how quickly he settles, plus at playtime(when it really matters) he can be with his friends.

HuwEdwards · 09/07/2008 12:55

Yep, DDs school did it last year - every close friendship was split. Some parents got a petition together and presented it to the head. Made no difference.

I would say it took them all, maybe 2 days to settle in.

He'll be fine honestly, if there's more than 1 year class he'll know all the kids anyway.

Original poster

LadySnotAlot · 09/07/2008 12:56

I know, he'll be fine once he gets into it, it's just he's so sensitive and he won't appreciate being separated from his friends. We had this when all his friends left playschool to go to big school before him and he never really fitted in after that. It took him to go to school to get back on an even keel again. I'd hate to see the same thing happen twice. He's already quite upset that he's been split from his best friend.

OP posts:

newforold · 09/07/2008 13:19

aRE THEY (sorry caps lock on) doing it for streaming purposes?
Dd's school did this and she was in a different stream to her little gang but has made some really lovely friends in her new class.
Kids are really adaptable at that age.

WorzselMummage · 09/07/2008 13:23

do they do it on purpose ?

nooka · 09/07/2008 13:24

I think at 5 he probably will be OK, but feel for you. DD had a little of this as she lost her nursery friends to school (she's a September baby) and then had her best friend leave after reception and got moved into a mixed yr1/2 class with only six other children she knew. She was OK and did make a few new friends, but still mourned her best friend (in fact still talks about her now, almost three years later). She didn't really make proper friends again until the year after, but I think that was more due to the dynamics of the classes. Interestingly though she has found it much easier to make new friends this year when we moved countries than ds who has had the same group of buddies since yr1, so maybe there are also benefits to being forced to make new friends?

totalmisfit · 09/07/2008 13:30

why do schools do this? it seems needlessly upsetting. yes, in most cases they'll make new friends very quickly but still...

sarah293 · 09/07/2008 13:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Ladytophamhatt · 09/07/2008 13:42

he won't be the only one who has been split from his friends and he will know children in his new class.

Maybe I'm heartless but when its happened to my Dsses it didn't bother me at all.

Yes, they are young but thats the way schoollife is at times.

VanillaPumpkin · 09/07/2008 13:47

Have you asked why? He can't be the only one moved surely?
He will be fine. I was relieved when they moved dd and her best friend to different tables (reception year) as they are a nightmare together and lead each other astray in class. Both are doing better now.

3monkeys · 09/07/2008 13:49

DS1 is hopeless at making friends and was never in the same class as his 3 only friends from reception to year3! I think it helped him to have to talk to other people and interact with them. Having said that, in year 4 next year he's with all of them and now I'm worrying he'll do no work!
It's never bothered him at all, as others have said they all play together at playtime

soopermum1 · 09/07/2008 13:50

think this is a good thing for the benefit of other children in the class who may feel a bit intimated by a group of children who are already friends.

as others have said, friendship is fluid at that age, and they can still play together in the playground. my DS has been put in a different class to his best friend and I'm fine with that. he will make friends in his new class quickly, i'm sure.

hotcrossbunny · 09/07/2008 13:54

This is probably about to happen to my dd too.

She's in a class of 7 girls and 20 boys ATM in Reception. Next year the youngest 10 go into a mixed Year R/One class with the rest going into a Year one class with the previous other Year R class. Dd is the youngest girl by a long way, so the only girl in the youngest 10. However, she's also the most able girl (I help in the class and am an ex teacher so I have seen this for myself...) and plays with the older ones, so I'm a bit worried if she goes into the Year R/1 class she wont be challenged enough and will be separated from her friends, all in one go.

Am concerned, but the school have always done it on age, so kind of resigned to it. I'm sure dd will make friends with the new entrants .

alicet · 09/07/2008 15:05

Can anyone explain why schools deliberately separate friends?

I do appreciate that small children probably make friends easily but this seems cruel and unnecessary. Especially to split one ONE of a group of friends away rather than all of then or to split the group in 2 (I can understand that a large group of friends could make it harder for a child who didn't know anyone there to bond)

Original poster

LadySnotAlot · 09/07/2008 15:59

Exactly. I could handle if at least some of his friends are going to be in his class.....but none of them? He is only 5 FGS and his little face when I had to break the news.

When I refer to his friends as a little 'group' yes they're his group of friends, they do have other friends they play with but these are the list of friends he has who all seem to interact well with each other and that he has built a bond with.

When all his friends left playschool for big school he was really at sea and never really settled back down into playschool life. I just don't want this to happen again and feel that it is largely unfair to expect him to go to a different class. School have been very blase about it and say he'll be fine in his new class and I'm sure he will, the point is that I don't feel he should be wrenched from all of his friends at such a young age. He finds it hard enough at school when his best friend isn't there and he's not going to be in his class either.

OP posts:

whatdayisit · 09/07/2008 16:03

My friend created merry hell when her DD went through this last year. Yesterday, she actually admitted it was for the best. Her DD settled really quickly, it broke some troublesome pairings and forced her to be less reliant on what was a very small circle of friends. They'll still see each other in the playground.

Original poster

LadySnotAlot · 09/07/2008 16:08

Whatday - I've no doubt he will settle into the new class. He has taken quite a long time to settle into his new friends as it is because they'd already been at school for a few terms. He found it quite hard to try and be part of the class as he is normally referred to as one of 'the younger one's' by his teacher.

When he first went in January, 10 or so of the January intake went straight into the September intake class and the rest of the January intake went into the other. Now it looks like he's being put into a new class with most of the January intake (whom he hasn't been in a class with.) Will lose his current friends and even though he can play with them at playtime, I'm concerned he'll find it difficult to find his place amongst those friends which he made last year. To top it off, it does seem there really aren't many boys going to be in his new class.

Do I go to the school and discuss this?

OP posts:

Cryptoprocta · 09/07/2008 16:21

I remember this happening to me when I was 5. I had to go to a different playground so I couldn't play with my two close friends at playtime. It was really difficult and I became very withdrawn, playing with imaginary friends. I moved schools after that year, and made friends without any problems. It seems easier to make new friends when you are new to the school. In the class I went to, friendships were already formed previously and it's hard to break into that.

wannaBe · 09/07/2008 16:22

tbh, unless they are doing activities in class with their friendship group, there really isn't much time in class when children get to chat/play with their friends. The majority of time spent with friends is in the playground, and they still get this even if they're not in the same class.

Our school doesn't mix classes up at all, and tbh I don't really understand why schools do this, but ultimately they're in class to learn, they can play with their friends at playtime.

And if the friendship can't last a class move, then it wasn't meant to be a long-lasting friendship in the first place.

SaintGeorge · 09/07/2008 16:35

Keep in mind the long school holidays before September. Friendships will all be started afresh in the new term anyway.

Unless you are likely to be seeing all the friends for 5 out of every 7 days during the holidays that is .

Original poster

LadySnotAlot · 09/07/2008 16:38

Yes they tend to do a lot of playing / activities in class together.

I'm cross at the school. I feel like swearing or crying or both and am probably totally over-reacting.

I know how I felt myself as a child when I was separated from all my friends into another class and then eventually we all went to separate schools and I ended up in a class where I didn't have relationships with any of the people. I hated it and it never got any better. I just don't want that for him.

OP posts:

wheresthehamster · 09/07/2008 16:39

Classes are split for many reasons. They may be top heavy in boffs or older ones or girls or boys or have too many with behaviour issues.

Our school mix them up in year 1 and they then stay that way all through the junior school. All the children write down one friend and one child they enjoy working alongslide. At least one of these choices will be met if possible. The HT will split up friendships that she doesn't feel is a positive one for the children involved. It is a difficult process!

If you feel you want to go in, you could ask in the nicest possible way what their reasons were and whether they realised they were all his best friends. Unlikely they will change it though. Good luck!

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