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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be upset that the school have decided to split my 5 yr old up from all of his close friends and put him in a different class from September?

41 replies

LadySnotAlot · 09/07/2008 12:51

I guessed they might split him and his best friend up as they have a habit of doing this, but to split him from all of his close friends and make him start over?

He is only 5 and whilst I completely appreciate that he will definitely make new friends, it does seem rather a lot to separate him from his circle of friends and expect him to make new ones all over. He only started school in January and so is already on the backfoot and I feel like now they're just trying to stretch him emotionally too.

Am I being totally overprotective?

OP posts:

MrsWeasley · 09/07/2008 16:39

Same thing happened to my painfully shy little boy a couple of years ago and he said "great I'll make new friends for class and see my old friends at break time!" His attitude relaxed me and he was fine. He has made some amazing new friends and rarely plays with his old friends now (3 years later)

wannaBe · 09/07/2008 16:40

but they are moving into year1 now. there is much less play in year 1 and much more work so opportunities will be much more limited.

I do understand where you're coming from but really it will be ok.

mumto2andnomore · 09/07/2008 16:42

I would go and ask at the school, there may be a very good reason, eg they think he would behave better with others, or needs to come out of his shell more-could be a number of things. They will be able to tell you. Teachers dont just split friends up to be mean !

cheeset · 09/07/2008 17:00

I dissagree with mixing the classes.

This happened to my ds. He moved schools, settled really nicely into the new school/class and then they jumbled the next yr/class around. My ds was totally confused with his friendship group as he knew hardly anyone in the school as most of the kids knew each other as they had followed thro the system.

He was really lonely and gravitated to a boy who was maybe not the most settled kid in his new class who'd joined the school a year previous to him and who was a bit of a trouble maker and had no friends either.

What a nightmare. How would you like it if you suddenly walked into work/playgroup of wherever and you didn't know anyone?

At this age, they need routine IMO.

Original poster

LadySnotAlot · 09/07/2008 17:02

I quite agree. Seems I'm not the only one as my friend has just found out that her 10 yr old has been moved away from his friends of the last 3 years and is going into a class not knowing many people at the very same school!!

OP posts:

whatdayisit · 09/07/2008 18:11

Whether you like it or not, they are going to be split during their school life (as you were). It must be terrible for children who've been with the same class for the 6 years of primary to suddenly get moved around when they go to senior school .At least this is practise for him.

My DS1 was split when he went into year1 and didn't even seem to notice. He's been split again as he goes into yr3 and seems to be looking forward to it. He is a very shy boy, but has progressed brilliantly re social skills during his time in infants, so I have to accept they know what they're doing.

tigerlily1980 · 09/07/2008 19:41

I don't think you are being unreasonable as I have felt like you in the past but I am confident that your DS will be fine!

My twins went to their school nursery, and at the end of the year all of the nursery children were split between three classes.
The teacher had split all of the little groups up, and explained that she put the children with those that they worked well with, not their best friends.

There were tears (from parents, not children) and concerns about how all of the children would cope being split.

However it has all worked out fine, and the children have all gone on to make friends with the new children, as well as carrying on with existing friendships.

My twins (who were split) have loved making new friends, and know practically all ninety children in their year group. They are just coming to the end of their first year at school and apparently all the children will be split again next year to encourage mixing, promote change and prevent little cliques forming. I am now all for the splitting and think children are quite adaptable to these changes.

bluefox · 09/07/2008 20:31

Ladysnotalot a similar thing happened to me. Me and best friend were the only ones from our primary going to a particular grammar school (ages ago!). It was a four form entry. Children from the other feeder schools were kept together. However me and BF were split so we were the only ones in the whole intake who werent with anyone from their primary. All the friendship groups were already established and I can honestly say I never really fitted in. If only me and BF were kept together things would have been so different. I absolutely hated school and can never understand why they thought it was reasonable to split us particularly. I think they should have done their utmost to keep us together.

cheeset · 09/07/2008 20:50

Successful mixing of year groups work if children can adapt. Some cant mix as well as others what about those children? I voiced my concerns when it happened to my ds and I was assured all would be well but it wasn't.

What about children with SN's? How does change affect them?

whatdayisit · 09/07/2008 21:09

I really do understand every-one's concerns, I have worried about it lots myself, but the fact is we can't protect them from change. They will go to senior school, they will need to change their job... and doesn't everyone have memories of not quite fitting in at school, regardless of whether they were split from friends.

My mum was a primary teacher and she says a "best" friend is the worst (social) thing that can happen to a child. They fall out, one side of the pair cools and the other doesn't, they have days off and other child is bereft, the family moves away.....

I know lots of time is given to sorting these classes out and they will have their reasons, so ask. My DS has been separated from a girl who thinks she is his best friend (although he's not so sure). I have been told this is because she is a very demanding friend and they think it is in DS's interests to separate them. Even so, he's still a bit sad they won't be together.

Ask why they did it, I bet they have a good reason.

cheeset · 09/07/2008 21:21

I went throughout my whole school life with the same friends(slight shuffle in senior due to streaming) but it didn't do me any harm?

'They fall out, one side of the pair cools and the other doesn't, they have days off and other child is bereft, the family moves away.....' This happened to me and probably alot of kids at school back in the day but we coped by playing with our other mates that we had played with throughout our time at school because we knew everyone !

Like my old dad used to say, it a lot of 'Poppycock!

Elasticwoman · 09/07/2008 22:09

Yes you are being unreasonable. The Head has every right to put educational considerations before social ones, and at 5 years old, a child can make new friendships in the new class.

2shoes · 09/07/2008 22:51

do ask the school.
not the same thing but dd who is 13 and has sn has just been split from her bf. I was stuck for reasons why. on speaking to the boys carer I got the reason. once you know why it makes it easier.(dd was fine, mum was the worrier)

Original poster

LadySnotAlot · 10/07/2008 00:45

Yes in circumstances I can totally appreciate why he would be split, i.e he has a best friend and I fully expected them to go their separate ways, but not from his whole group of friends, He's already been knocked of kilter twice with his friends going to school before him and starting school later than them.

I understand that through his whole school career and through life he will be faced with changes aplenty, it happens. My sole issue is that he is so young and has been through enough changes in the last 6 months. Being moved away from his best friend I can handle and to a degree so can he. It's being moved away from ALL of his friends that I have taken issue with.

If there is an educational reason as to why this might happen I might accept it. however, I don't really accept him being streamed away from them due to his age. i.e he was the younger intake but due to his age (born in January) they put him straight into the September intake class, only to take him out of it again.

They should have put him in the January intake class to begin with. He would have been able to adjust more. Seeing as they appear to be mixing it so now Sept in one class and Jan+ in the other.

It's an awful lot of messing about and I'm not of the ilk that school is always right. God knows they managed to get in wrong enough with me. i.e trying to make me write 'right-handed' although I was left-handed. If it weren't for my parents complaining I'm not sure where I'd be and I started school in 1984!!!

OP posts:

Lovesdogsandcats · 10/07/2008 17:23

Can you imagine, you've been in a job for 2 years, know everyone, and have some close friends there.

Someone comes in one day and says 'you're moving to a different department in a month or 2, get used to it'.

I reckon most people would be a bit bothered, some a lot bothered.

Same as when they do this to kids.

My ds has been split 3 times and is used to it now, but boy was that first time hard!

leogirl · 10/07/2008 18:02

why don't you ask the school if you can move him to another class if he's still unhappy in a few months time?

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