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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect people NOT to buy things for DS2 that I've explicitly asked them not to???

89 replies

VictorianSqualor · 09/07/2008 12:25

DS2 is DP's first child, and his parents first grandchild.
I get it, he is their PFB/PFGB, and as such I make allowances.
I think I'm a pretty good daughter in law, I always make the effort to go and see them, make sure DP puts effort into their relationships, and overall, I butt out of their relationships with him and my children.
As PiL's go, they're great, Dp's dad makes some cringeworthy comments sometimes but who doesn't? His mum never ever interferes and would help at the drop of a hat.
This isn't a MiL bashing, I like her, a lot.

But I really hate Winnie-the-Pooh. (There is a reason behind it, someone very hurtful as I was growing up was obsessed, so not nice connotations for me)

When I was pg, MiL and I went into toys 'r' us and I was buying baby bits, didn't know the sex so could only buy cream, and she pointed out the WTP stuff. I told her how much I hated him, and had never dressed my other two in it for this reason. She told me she had already bought some WTP stuff so I said, Ok, we'll use it, thanks very much, don't want to seem ungrateful, she said not to worry in future she won't buy it.

When I'm in hospital DP's Dad looked after the older DC's and when they came to visit me DD told me FiL has bought baby some WTP stuff and she told him I didn't like WTP. When he gave me it he said 'I know you don't like WTP but I do so I bought it' jokingly. Rather than say anything I just smiled, and said to DP that as he may have bought it before he knew I wouldn't mention it and just dressed the baby in it if we went to their house.

MiL's sister also bought all WTP as presents. Again, gave benefit of the doubt, her DC's are the same age as my eldest two and she likes WTP, so no reason why she wouldn't buy it if she didn't know.

Now they ALL know I really don't like it.

DP comes back from work the other day and had popped into his mums on the way home. There were clothes there apparently from his Dad. I think it's really lovely the way they buy the stuff for DS2 and am grateful they care, but it was winnie the fucking pooh, again!

After the comment dp's dad had made I wasn't impressed, seemed like a 'I don't care what you like, I'm buying my grandson whatever'. So DP calls his mum about something else, and just drops into conversation about the WTP thing and the comment his Dad had made. Turns out she bought it not his Dad, and I know she knew how much I disliked it. If I had a girl and said I really hate pink can you buy purple, she would, so why can't they go into the mothercare superstore (where they shop) and get one of the other 50 outfits in there for DS2 that aren't wtp???

I know it seems ridiculous, but IMO it's not about WTP anymore, more the lack of consideration. One thing I ask them not to buy and they keep on buying it.

AIBU

OP posts:
wannaBe · 09/07/2008 12:29

I think yabu a bit.

I can totally understand that you don't like wtp.

But you are projecting that on to your children.

What happens if they grow up wanting to watch/read wtp? you can't ban them from having it because of your own dislike of it.

Also, given you said that you would use the original clothes, your ILs will not really have grasped just how much you dislike it, given you were prepared to make the exception.

frootloop · 09/07/2008 12:30

YANBU at all, winnie the poo is shite and i also hate it with a passion, especially his stupid fecking red tshirt.

mil loves it though but has been sternly warned against buying it.

cant you secretly dump the stuff at a charity shop?

edam · 09/07/2008 12:32

It's exasperating, but I think you need to make one last attempt at explaining to MIL exactly why this is such a big deal for you. Not just 'I really hate WTP' but the background.

Original poster
VictorianSqualor · 09/07/2008 12:33

DP has offered to ask MiL to take it back and chage it for something else, which she would, but I don't want her to be offended, as I said in my op, she's a great MiL in every other way except her WTP obsession!

OP posts:
elmoandella · 09/07/2008 12:34

are they of an older generation whereby they think they're helping you overcome your fear?

paddingtonbear1 · 09/07/2008 12:35

agree with edam - try and explain again.
I don't think my MIL would buy anything I'd explicitly asked her not to - maybe she doesn't realise it's such a big deal.
I may have this when dd is older... I can't stand Bratz!! and my friends already know not to buy dd any. Really hope dd doesn't get into that...

motherhurdicure · 09/07/2008 12:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

wannaBe · 09/07/2008 12:36

tbh I think that if you'd put your foot down the first time she bought wtp your request for no more wtp stuff would have had more credibility, iyswim?

But as you accepted the first wtp stuff she doesn't have good reason to not buy any more.

If you do feel that strongly about it then explain to her your reasons why.

sheepgomeep · 09/07/2008 12:37

agree with wannabe your children might grow to love wtp and it would be a shame to forbid them to have anything to do with it be it books dvds whatever.

YOU have a problem with it not your kids.

But I can see where your coming from on another level. I loath Bratz stuff with a passion and will not buy it for my own dd's and I just grin and bear it if they get bratz pressies from well meaning relatives.

dd1 also likes the cartoon and I let her watch that.

your il are being a little insensitive perhaps

elmoandella · 09/07/2008 12:37

if she said she would take it back, then just send it back. she'll soon get fed of returning stuff.

or can you not just exchange it yourself? say it was torn/wrong size if she goes in search of it?

ten10 · 09/07/2008 12:39

I don't think that it is necessarily that they are being inconsiderate, they probably don't really remember when they are shopping, or maybe they think that because they like it so much that they may be able to change your mind.

unfortunately i think answer might be that you decide you don't want it to cause a big problem with your relationship with them and put up with it but try and keep suggesting things which you would prefer.

or you take every thing back and change it for things which you prefer, but this is likely to cause offence.

or you take lots of it back and keep a small selection, maybe you don't see them often enough that they wouldn't notice and just get these things out when they visit.

posieflump · 09/07/2008 12:41

I think you need to deal with your issues with the original WTP loving person.
Wannabe is right - what will you do when your kids want to watch it, are reading it at school etc. It's not right to project your dislike onto them... let then make up their own minds. As for the inlaws just rise above it

batters · 09/07/2008 12:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
VictorianSqualor · 09/07/2008 12:42

If I returned it though, there would be more, I know there would.
We're not really close-enough to explain that my best mate that shagged my stepdad behind my mums back was obsessed with it!
(My family history is a bit hush hush under the carpet type of thing)

OP posts:
jammi · 09/07/2008 12:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster
VictorianSqualor · 09/07/2008 12:45

Posie, if it were playboy or bratz I was saying I didn't like, I expect it would be a different matter.
I am the parent and I shall decide what my children watch on tv/read in books for whatever reason.

My other two are 7.9 and 3.8 they don't give two hoots about not watching/reading WTP. In fact DD finds it hilarious picking up WTP stuff in shops and saying it's what she wants to see my face then laughs her head off when I sigh and say 'Are you sure that's what you want?'

OP posts:
andyrobo237 · 09/07/2008 12:48

I agree - just take it back to Mothercare and change for something else - then if MIL asks why not wearing it, say had a nasty accident with black sock in waher or something like that!!!

I did not like pink when my DD was born, and refused to buy her anything in pale pink (completely not rational, but there you go!!!). If anyone bought her pink stuff, I just took it and then stashed in cupboard until it was too small for her! They grow so quickly and MILs dont usually see the child every day, so you may get away with it!

Not easy though when you have a great dislike to a certain character!

Original poster
VictorianSqualor · 09/07/2008 12:54

If I take it back I know he is going to end up with WTP teddies/cups/bags/pjs/plates/books/games THE LOT.
So it wouldn't work.

OP posts:
Twelvelegs · 09/07/2008 12:55

WTP stuff is tacky (obviously not the original books) without the added memory for you, if you have asked them not to buy it then they should respect that. The poster who said about projecting that onto your child, WTF? Children who don't have wtp are not emotionally damaged and unless they expressly asked for WTP toy (never the clothes ewwww, or decor barf) then I'm not sure they'd notice. My children are not allowed any clothes or pyjamas with characters on, it's just so tacky and they agree (at their tender and brainwashed ages 5 & 6!!).

isaidno · 09/07/2008 12:55

I hate WTP, though not for any good reason! I would take it back to the shop and change it. Perhaps if your in laws realise they never see DD in any of the wtp stuff they will stop buying it.

Make sure if they buy anything which is not wtp you completely over stress how lovely it is and that she wears it lots whenever they visit!

MrsGuyOfGisbourne · 09/07/2008 12:56

YANBU!!! How much more a 'hint' do they need????
When DS1 was a baby I emphaticaly did NOT want to give him a dummy, and my parents and SIL knew that ( SIL favours dummies).
o the FIRST evening DH and I went out, leving DS at their house to babysit, we were gone about 3 hr max. When we got back, SIL had persuaded them to give DS a dummy (her daughter's)

Eddas · 09/07/2008 13:01

for some odd reason some people like to do things just to get a reaction this might not be what's happening with MIL, but if I were you i'd just return it and not mention it again. Once ds is bigger WTP won't be on the agenda. He'll choose what he likes and MIL will naturally buy that. I don't know how old you ds2 is but my DS is 15 months and show interest in certain things, Night Garden/Thomas etc so hopefully this phase won't last too long.

If they mention 'i haven't seen ds2 wearing x, y or z' just tell them it's in the wash. but they're unlikely to ask

My mum used to hate Rupert not sure why, but if we were bought anything rupert it was binned/charity shopped/passed on Also, ash hated guns(understandably) and my grandad used to by me and my sis them and they went straight in the bin once he'd gone!

What they don't know won't hurt them

minouminou · 09/07/2008 13:03

Gaaaahhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!
I feel your pain.
I made it clear while still expecting - i think my words were "and we're not getting any of this gender-specific or disney/thomas the wank engine marketing bollocks for it", but this was aimed at the air, as it were.
That way, it wasn't directed at anyone, and seemed more of a gobshite political stance,
the only WTP item DS got was from a colleague of DP's, who was kind enough to buy him a babygro and hat-combo ... which did get worn, as it was a gift, but usually as a last resort IYSWIM
i think you should tell your ILs the exact reason you can't stand WTP....sometimes you just have to bite the bullet
i think the detail will really put them off, and they may even develop an aversion themselves

Tortington · 09/07/2008 13:05

its alpha female shit - stop being nice and charity shop it - and tell them so

1973 · 09/07/2008 13:07

Some pil's, even the otherwise great ones, recoil in horror at the idesa of being told what is and isn't acceptable for the grandchild.
Especially, ime, if it's the dil who has her own ideas...she's only the mother after all and the grandchild is in fact the wonderous carrier of their genes.
Of course yanbu, they are being twattish and none of this is by accident. So it's only about a bloody cartoon character but it highlights exactly where their heads are at in terms of you having a final say over their own iwith regads to your child.
They resent the pecking order, which rightfully, you are at the top of.