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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be shocked neighbour took baby in car on her lap in front seat?

75 replies

Daffodilly · 08/07/2008 12:43

Yesterday afternoon I saw my neighbour over the road head out with her DH driving and her in the passenger seat with her DD (about 3 months) on her lap. No car seat. They have a two seater car.

I was rather as I'd think they'd know better. It didn't appear to be an emergency from the way they were leaving - no hurry, waving at other neighbours - which is only way I could justify it.

I know it is really none of my business, but I keep thinking how dangerous it is. I'd like to at least offer to drive them if they have to get somewhere by car - I could dig out DD's old baby seat from the loft. But not sure how I could even offer that now without sounding rather critical - which I guess I am really.

Or do I just keep my nose out - WWYD?

OP posts:

PussinJimmyChoos · 08/07/2008 12:47

I cannot believe in this day and age that people are still driving without car seats for their kids!!

itati · 08/07/2008 12:48

You know you are not being unreasonable.

I would be tempted to report them.

cheeryface · 08/07/2008 12:52

yep, my neighbour has baby on knee in a van.

mind you she also leaves a 12 year old in charge of a 5 and 9 year old which i also think is a bit much, playin in the street the younger ones while 12 year old is doin god knows what in the house.

Original poster

Daffodilly · 08/07/2008 12:56

I don't really want to get them into trouble. As far as I know this is the first time. Perhaps I should just say something to them directly?

Thing is that they are both professionals and I am sure KNOW that this is wrong. So not sure me saying anything will help apart from lead to bad feeling between us.

Wish I hadn't seen really.

OP posts:

ScottishMummy · 08/07/2008 12:57

so irresponsible, god the consequences of an RTA or emergency stop.dont get this gun-ho behaviour. Britney was photographed with her LO in car on lap - she got pelters for it

FeelingDeviant · 08/07/2008 12:57

YANBU
My baby nephew sat on my mum's knee whilst in the car once. My brother was driving, and my SIL was in car too with my other nephew. They did this because there wasn't enough room in car for my mum and car seat.
I still get so when thinking about it.

And consequently, I will never ever leave my DD in the are of my SIL, brother or Mum

ScottishMummy · 08/07/2008 13:00

i wouldnt report (not knowing if it was a one off or they are otherwise safe etc) but i would tactfully try acknowledge to them i saw it eg What brand car seat do you have , is it reputable brand etc

see what the response is

if the response is oh dont have one then i would worry

how close to them are you?do you converse?

FeelingDeviant · 08/07/2008 13:01

meant to say care not are

itati · 08/07/2008 13:01

I left a note on someones van once as I was so angry they hadn't used a seat for their child.

Bramshott · 08/07/2008 13:02

I did this once - it was raining and I was offered a lift back from toddlers. I wouldn't do it now, but don't judge them too harshly. Who would you report them to tbh - the police?!?

itati · 08/07/2008 13:03

Why shouldn't they be judged harshly? They risked their child's life and as far as I know, no one ever died from walking home in the rain.

pregnantpopcornprincess · 08/07/2008 13:07

I would be interested to know how they got home from hospital with the baby. My hospital wouldn't let us leave without proof of a car seat. She could of had a home delivery I suppose - did she?

Either way it's a bloody stupid thing to have done! Idiots.

itati · 08/07/2008 13:10

Obviously they would argue there was no seat for the baby as it is a 2 seater car.

Flum · 08/07/2008 13:12

Yeah, I sometimes take baby or a kid on lap if cars have kin do f worked out that way. eg getting a lift with someone and no car seats, or car very full or something.

Car accidents are relatively rare.

I don't think it is that shocking. The rules are only that they have to be in car seat if one is available I think.

lottiejenkins · 08/07/2008 13:13

When i was seven i was being driven home from school by my friends brother in a Morris Minor(no seat belts in back and seat not fixed to floor). The brother went round a corner and had to do an emergency stop as there was a tractor in the middle of the road, i got thrown forward and hit my head on the dashboard of the car. This has made me completely neurotic about making sure any children in my care are belted in properly. You wouldnt put your best dinner service loose on the back seat of your car so why do it with your children??

itati · 08/07/2008 13:13

fortyplus · 08/07/2008 13:17

'Car accidents are relatively rare.'

What an attitude

It's a fact that 95% of children killed when a passenger in a car are not properly restrained.

I know of a family whose 4 year old son was unrestrained in the rear seat when mum was test driving a new car on a beautiful hot summer's day. She hit the kerb as she turned back into the garage and the child fell out of the open window, landed on his head and died instantly.

How rare must that be? But the child is still DEAD.

ScottishMummy · 08/07/2008 13:20

one fatality or one HI is too many, car seats are compulsory not a discretionary i have one will use it option

Flum · 08/07/2008 13:24

Yeah accidents do happen, of course. But in the real world people make informed choices about risk. Some people are much more risk averse than others.

I just don't think it is that shocking.

Just looked it up though and child seat MUST be used, no exclusions.

Seems odd though, people rattle around in buses don't they.

The best are Black cabs where you just leave the LO in a buggy.

Bramshott · 08/07/2008 13:30

To an extent it's about reasonable and acceptable risk though isn't it. By all means be shocked and dissaproving, I would be too, but I was questioning the practicality of reporting them (presumably to the police or social services). It is equally dangerous and shocking that children are in cars doing 80-90mph on the motorway, which they are every day and I've never heard anyone getting worked up about it.

JaneHH · 08/07/2008 13:32

I'm a bit and at the number of threads these days in which people suggest reporting on each other. OK I don't live in the UK anymore but has it suddenly turned into East Germany? I KNOW having a child on your lap isn't safe but is it any of your business?

Before we know it we (you)'ll be living in Stasiland.

Original poster

Daffodilly · 08/07/2008 13:34

I was wondering how they got home from hospital too. She had c-section so def not a home birth.

I can see in an emergency you would take a calculated risk. I don't think that was the case in this situation.

We have plenty of public transport options around us. Or there are local taxi services which would have a 4 seater car they could put their own car seat in or some that even provide a car seat.

Since they've always had a 2 seater it makes me wonder how many times they've done this over past 3 months...

The thing is they MUST know it is dangerous and illegal - so don't really need me to tell them. We aren't that close to say something without it just being an interferring neighbour. No idea who I'd report it to even if I wanted to - HV maybe?

OP posts:

ScottishMummy · 08/07/2008 13:37

oh flum!Really an acquired HI or RTA injury is not an informed choice.this isnt some precious mommy "risk averse" wont step out without covering every eventuality

HI and or can be devestating

the casualty stas are alarming

Every year, around 30 children between the ages of 0 and 11 years are killed while travelling in cars, about 400 are seriously injured and over 7,000 slightly injured. The proper use of child car restraints would prevent many of these deaths and injuries.

as the child legal guardian you should not advocate risky behaviour on their behalf eg it's ok with me to not be strapped up. so it is ok for you junior

Original poster

Daffodilly · 08/07/2008 13:38

x-threads JaneHH. I completely agree it isn't really any of my business.

However, I also think if you have genuine concerns for a child's well-being it is better to report it and let the relvant authority decide if further action is required.

OP posts:

fortyplus · 08/07/2008 13:44

You know what? If someone was letting their child out to play unsupervised or something like that then I wouldn't agree with it but I would appreciate that the parents had weighed up the risks and made a choice. In this case it's black and white - they are breaking the law.

Do you have a PCSO? That would be a fair compromise. The PCSO can't issue a penalty for the offence but could have a friendly word to point out the error of their ways and keep an eye out to make sure that they didn't reoffend.

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