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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be shocked neighbour took baby in car on her lap in front seat?

75 replies

Daffodilly · 08/07/2008 12:43

Yesterday afternoon I saw my neighbour over the road head out with her DH driving and her in the passenger seat with her DD (about 3 months) on her lap. No car seat. They have a two seater car.

I was rather as I'd think they'd know better. It didn't appear to be an emergency from the way they were leaving - no hurry, waving at other neighbours - which is only way I could justify it.

I know it is really none of my business, but I keep thinking how dangerous it is. I'd like to at least offer to drive them if they have to get somewhere by car - I could dig out DD's old baby seat from the loft. But not sure how I could even offer that now without sounding rather critical - which I guess I am really.

Or do I just keep my nose out - WWYD?

OP posts:
ScottishMummy · 08/07/2008 13:59

someone told me some birth centres will hire baby seats to parents after birth to get home. also you can hire car seats", and council hire baby car seat

ScottishMummy · 08/07/2008 14:01

Look at this page hire car seats

mrsshackleton · 08/07/2008 14:04

Agree with stasiland comment
They must know what they're doing, it is their - stupid - choice. It would be unbelievably heavy handed and cowardly to report it to the authorities.
Why not have a friendly chat "how do you cope with a baby if you've only got a two seater car?" If they say we just carry him in arms, you say "Oh goodness, I thought that was illegal" and take it from there. It doesn't have to get confrontational and you will have said your piece

JaneHH · 08/07/2008 14:05

Thanks MrsS, was beginning to doubt my sanity

OonaghBhuna · 08/07/2008 14:12

Its child protection to report, we all have a duty of care to any child we think may be at risk.
My sil did a similar thing when her baby was 3 days old, she arrived in a taxi with the baby on her lap, to our house for a family party. My DH and I were horrified, dh gave her a lift home using one of our carseats.

She didnt think that she was taking a serious risk....

Original poster
Daffodilly · 08/07/2008 14:15

Thanks for responses. I'm glad I'm not the only person that agrees this is wrong (DH just said "well maybe they aren't going far" !?!).

On reflection I think I won't report it. I don't think they are doing it everyday as a matter of course. I am sure they know it is dangerous so don't need me telling them. While they are 'endangering' their child it clearly isn't the same as actually harming her.

I think next time I see them I will just offer them the use of DD's old car seat and/or lift if they need it.

OP posts:
ChickenBurger · 08/07/2008 14:23

Strange for them to have only a 2-seater car when they knew they had a baby on the way.

Could be some financial reason for them not changing it though I guess.

Clary · 08/07/2008 14:25

So shocked at flum?s post.

A friend offered us a lift home in the rain (really miserable rain after 90 mins playing footie in it too).

It was nice of her but then I realised she only had two seats and there were 3 of us. So I said no, she said, oh you could have DS on yr lap. I said ?I wouldn?t do that, sorry? which I hoped afterwards wasn?t rude.

WRT op, not sure what you should do. Is this the only car they have (rather impractical with baby)? Certainly don?t report it, maybe see if it?s a repeated thing and they realy don?t realise?

itati · 08/07/2008 14:28

If you decide to be nothing be sure you can live with the consequences if an accident happens. It would NOT be your fault if it did, but you sound like a caring person and one who would feel guilty.

ScottishMummy · 08/07/2008 14:32

members of public should act upon their conscience regards child welfare but to clarify a member of the public does not have a duty of care towards a child. duty of care needs to exist, and have been demonstrably breached, and Did the breach cause damage or loss to an individual's person or property?

The authority for duty of care is the leading Scottish case of Donoghue v Stevenson 1932 SC (HL) 31 . The principles laid down by the Court in this case still form the basis for establishing a duty of care under Scots and English law.

The decision of the House of Lords founded the modern tort of negligence (delict in Scotland ), both in Scots law and across the world in common law jurisdictions

duty of care commonly exists in SW,Health, employmmet where there is a perceived working relationship/expectation of service provision

Turniphead1 · 08/07/2008 14:45

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

PussinJimmyChoos · 08/07/2008 15:11

I have a lot of non English friends and it amazes me how lax they are with car seats - have seen new borns in car seats where the mother just sits in the back and holds the handle of the seat, she herself not wearing a seat belt. I go mad when I see it and point it out every time. In fact, one of the husbands is reluctant to drive to us as he knows he'll get a car seat rant. Do I feel bad about it? No! Its the law! People are breaking the law by driving without a car seat, simple as that.

itati · 08/07/2008 16:28

Turniphead1 - if you know they are such careless drivers that they don't use seats, how do you square that with them driving your daughter?

Koshka · 08/07/2008 16:32

When DS had banged his head and it was bleeding everywhere he was distraught, my mum drove and i had DS in the back of the car in my lap.

the reason i did this was we only live a short car drive away and ambulances are always busy. and didnt sem life threatening enough to call 999, would prefer that soeone else was seen to and we wernt waiting an hour for an ambulance.

Flame me!!!!

Koshka · 08/07/2008 16:34

oh, ill give you my address if you want to call SS (not the SS i always think of nazi germany when i tyoe that!)

Fimbo · 08/07/2008 16:36

I did the same Koshka when my dd fell over in her bedroom and onto a shelf unit, badly cutting the bridge of her nose. Luckily for us the hospital is not far.

itati · 08/07/2008 16:36

That is different as it was an emergency.

I had to take my son to A&E when he fell off the counter and was bleeding from his ear but I still strapped him in. Worrier, me!

Koshka · 08/07/2008 16:36

I physically could not strap him in!

I am a terrible mother anyway so

itati · 08/07/2008 16:40

No you aren't. You made a call that getting him to hospital asap was better than waiting for an ambulance.

Koshka · 08/07/2008 16:42

True.
My friend blacked out and stopped breathing for a minute and the ambulance took 2 hours.

She lives on a very big road with very big houses, and they went to a village 20 miles away.

In the paper recently a lady died waiting for an ambulance

And i had to get him there and it was too far away to carry him!

Pixiepants · 08/07/2008 16:54

I'd be very tempted to ask them if they know what they did was illegal Daffodilly. I hate the idea of knowing something that could help to protect children when other parents maybe just don't know, and it sounds like you do too.

Turniphead1 · 08/07/2008 18:49

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

fortyplus · 10/07/2008 00:17

Koshka I'd utterly condemn the op's neighbours for their ignorance, but what you did was totally different - you weighed up the risks in a one-off emergency situation. No problem as far as I'm concerned (fwiw!)

bearmama · 10/07/2008 00:34

Having been in a car accident (no DC's present)...I dont think YABU.

thumbwitch · 10/07/2008 00:49

UK law on child seats - maybe you could point out to the husband that he is breaking the law and if caught by the police he could be charged, as it is his responsibility to ensure correct child restraints are in use? I mean by casually asking if they were aware that this was the case, rather than by SS-type tactics of course!