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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think leaving a 4 year old downstairs when you have a lie in is wrong?

140 replies

Jelliebaby · 06/07/2008 18:19

My friend has recently confessed to me that she sometimes gets up in the morning with her 4 year old son then leaves him watching a dvd and having breakfast whilst she goes back to bed for a hour.

I think this is quite wrong of her (but didn't say)and wondered what other people think?

I am suffering from severe MS at the moment and would love nothing more than having an extra lie in but the thought never really crossed my mind.

OP posts:

4madboys · 06/07/2008 23:07

well we do this all the time, i am NOT a morning person, so ds1 who is almost 9yrs, will get up and go and make toast for himself and ds2 (6yrs) and ds3 (3yrs) then they will play quietly downstairs whilst i doze with the baby

pollywobbledoodle · 06/07/2008 23:09

btw i also have ms and as dd doesn't sit still at any other time, a lie-in helps get me through the day in a reasonable(ish)fashion

floaty · 06/07/2008 23:22

In the fifties and sixties children of this age walked to school on their own or with an elder sibling,they went to the shops and ran errands ...now we are concerned about them making themselves a bowl of cereal and turning on the television ...no wonder children are arriving at university unable to look after themseves in any way!

Dottydot · 07/07/2008 23:09

Is it wrong that as we're moving house on Wednesday, I've unpacked everything into the kitchen to make sure that cereal boxes and 2 plastic bowls are in easy reach for ds's to sort themselves out at the weekend..?

Desiderata · 07/07/2008 23:15

ds has been doing it from less than two years.

We live in a flat, and whilst I'm dozing, naturally I'm not exactly asleep. That would be difficult when you're being constantly prodded by a plastic Tyannasaurus Rex who goes by the name of dr Who.

I'm quite proud that he can work the dvd controls, and select his own films at 6.40am. I think it shows an indendence of spirit

He's 3.8 years now. I came home from work this evening (only two hours) to find him cleaning the bathroom .. he did a good job, and all!

Bring it on, I say.

Gobbledigook · 07/07/2008 23:24

We've done this for a looong time and the youngest is only 3 now (others are 5 and 7). Tbh, I don't sleep heavily once they are up so I can hear what's going on. They just play in the playroom or run up and down the stairs (or trash the office).

I certainly was up before my parents as a child - I can remember eating out of a box of rice krispies behind the sofa!!

Joolyjoolyjoo · 07/07/2008 23:43

Phew- glad lots of others do this too, I was starting to think I must be neglectful! My dds (4 and 3) have fairy lights on a timer, and they know that when they come on they can get up (although in reality they are up playing in their room before the lights come on!) They then come into my room, and have a cuddle with me and their baby brother, then ask if they can go downstairs to their playroom, while I usually doze and feed the baby. I can hear them arguing/ shouting etc, and they wouldn't dream of going into the kitchen . They are up and down like yoyos ("she took my blue pen!", "She stood on my foot- on PURPOSE!" etc etc) until I finally (after half an hour's half-sleep, interrupted several times!) resign myself to getting up. But actually I've found that they play together better when I'm not around, as they are less likely to rely on me to sort out all their petty arguements. I enjoy hearing them interact and using their imaginations without vying for my attention, which they tend to do if I am around. That's my excuse anyway, and I'm sticking to it! It's for THEIR benefit, not mine

handlemecarefully · 07/07/2008 23:53

I do this - depends upon the 4 year old I think. I also sleep lightly and have a maternal 6th sense for trouble - don't we all? (for instance if one of my dc vomits in their sleep without waking, I invariably wake up and find them like that)

We shouldn't be too risk averse. Need to look at balance of probability. Tbh what realistically can go wrong!

claricebeansmum · 07/07/2008 23:55

Oh yes - we did this since they were quite small. Kept me sane. I now go back to bed once they have gone to school.

KerryMum · 08/07/2008 00:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Elkat · 08/07/2008 14:32

Just to ignite the debate... but I was at a child protection training session this morning, and we were doing the usual types of abuse (physical, sexual etc)... when the trainer pointed out something really interesting. He said that "overprotection" is now classed as a type of emotional abuse (i.e. under the definition of emotional abuse, it now actually specifies the overprotection of children). He cited as his example, not letting children out to play and how little freedom we now give them in and around the home.

Whilst I wouldn't accuse anyone on here of emotionally abusing their child (Just to make it clear I am not accusing anyone of this!), it did make me think of how many times I have seen threads like this one on MM where parents don't allow their children to do anything these days, and at times, excessively in my opinion. It made me think how different public perception is that to the professional defintions, because overprotection is generally seen as a good thing in the eyes of the general public, but it seems that professionally, it is now being classed as anything but by social services and the like...

And now I'm going to run for cover

Would be interested to see people's opinions, but please don't take this personally, it is not aimed at anyone but I would be interested to see whether people on here agree or disagree with this technical definition???

Original poster

Jelliebaby · 08/07/2008 15:20

I can't really see overprotection as abuse. You can't get your child taken off you for this.

I can see it being a bit damaging for it's future and i understand children need their freedom and independance to get on in life but i can't understand how it can be abuse.

OP posts:

Sunshine78 · 08/07/2008 15:25

My ds who is 4 took himself downstairs the other night to play (around 3ish) first thing we knew of it was when he was at the side of the bed asking me to fix something m. Feel safer when it is first thing in the morning and I am half asleep rather than dead to the world!

dal21 · 08/07/2008 15:39

I know heaps of people who do this. I thought it was fairly normal. I assume that people live in fairly childproofed environments, so what is the worse that could happen?

Baffy · 08/07/2008 15:41

Surely it depends on the child. Some 4 year olds are more than capable of doing this, and can be trusted. Some can't!

I think this is something only the parents can decide.

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