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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think leaving a 4 year old downstairs when you have a lie in is wrong?

140 replies

Jelliebaby · 06/07/2008 18:19

My friend has recently confessed to me that she sometimes gets up in the morning with her 4 year old son then leaves him watching a dvd and having breakfast whilst she goes back to bed for a hour.

I think this is quite wrong of her (but didn't say)and wondered what other people think?

I am suffering from severe MS at the moment and would love nothing more than having an extra lie in but the thought never really crossed my mind.

OP posts:

daisylaisy · 06/07/2008 18:48

I always did this when they were that sort of age and nothing happened.

F&Z suggested dozing on the sofa/having them around while you're in bed, but ime, you'd never get back to sleep.

SoMuchToBits · 06/07/2008 18:50

Think it depends on the child. I did do this sometimes with my ds (he is now 7), but he is very sensible, and would come and get me or shout loud if any problems, and our house is mot so big or so soundproof I wouldn't hear him. But we have friends who wouldn't because their dcs would not be so reliable.

TurkeyLurkey · 06/07/2008 18:51

Yes we always try and child-proof the bedroom door while we're 'napping' but they keep coming back in

reethi96 · 06/07/2008 18:54

Many years ago my sister regularly did this until one day when she woke up and couldn't find the kids. The 3 year old had taken the 2 year old and the baby for walk a couple of streets away. She also discovered that the 2 year old had been given a rather fetching hair cut and the cat was in the washing machine!

I think what F&Z suggested is reasonable but actually going into a proper sleep upstairs is too risky.

Rachmumoftwo · 06/07/2008 18:54

Last week my 2 girls woke up very quietly, came downstairs, put the telly on and the eldest (6) made breakfast. I was torn between feeling like the worst mum in the world and being very proud of them!

Turniphead1 · 06/07/2008 18:55

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

Anna8888 · 06/07/2008 18:56

The only possible problem is if the downstairs is not childproof. Otherwise, this is fine (desirable, even) for the child.

And why would anyone live in a non-childproof house?

purpleduck · 06/07/2008 18:57

I do this all the time...

They are 6 and 8 and can get their own cereal, or they wait for me if they want a cooked breakfast.

When they were younger, we would make "breakfast sandwiches" the night before....they loved it!

colditz · 06/07/2008 18:57

I bring my duvet down with me at the weekends, give the 5 year old and the 2 year old a drink of milk each, lock the kitchen door, shut the stair gate and crash on the sofa. They cannot do anything that wouldn't wake me up.

sherby · 06/07/2008 18:59

YABU

We do this with our just 3 year old. To be fair we do live in a bungalow so only 6 odd ft from the living room, but I get up get her breakfast put the tv on/get books out and go back to bed! She knows if she needs anything to just come and get me.

We also do what F&Z mentioned and let our 10mth old just crawl around and play in the bedroom whilst we sleep. He is bfed so just crawls up and has a feed if he is hungry

Sometimes he follows DD into the living room but she usually just screeches because he touches her breakfast so that doesn't last long

nickytwotimes · 06/07/2008 19:02

Oh, Lord, I count the days until ds is old enough to be fed and left to watch a dvd or paly for an hour while I have a snooze. Absolutelly nothing wrong with it.
Sorry, OP, you are totally unreasonable!

mamalovesmojitos · 06/07/2008 19:05

god i dont think it is particularly wrong but i would be way too scared to let dd (4) downstairs on her own. i'd be so worried that something would happen to her (pfb ).

as we live alone i clearly dont have many lie-ins...

if i was really sick or wrecked i would consider the duvet option next to her on the couch.

i probably need to chill out but i always wonder what if -just if- something set on fire or she choked or something and i was sleeping.

LynetteScavo · 06/07/2008 19:06

DS1 has got up and gone downstairs to watch tv by himself since just before he was 4.He never woke us up so we didn't know he was awake. We just made sure the house was as safe as possible. The worst thing he ever did was eat some chocolate I'd left out.

TeacherSaysSo · 06/07/2008 19:09

OP does that mean going outside and doing some gardening for an hour or so while they watch TV is also out of the question?

YABU I didn't realise so many parents could fit their helicopters in their houses

Othersideofthechannel · 06/07/2008 19:12

"the treat of watching produces a fairly safe catatonic state"
Yes it is like that in this house.

FAQ · 06/07/2008 19:12

my DS1 used to get up on his own from about 3yrs old and go down and put the TV on in the mornings....

brimfull · 06/07/2008 19:13

YABU- we let ours do this all the time,that's what tellies are for!

micci25 · 06/07/2008 19:15

my house is childproof. dd1 knows not to touch the fire, which is not an open fire anyhow, so there is very little damage she could do if she tried to turn it on. and all dvds she is not allowed to watch are kept in a locked cabinet and the key is meant to be out of her reach, though we have to keep moving it as she finds new ways of reaching it all the time.

the laptop is lokced so that she only has access to windows media player and her own playlists and internet connection is limited to cbeebies and bbc bitesize keystage 1.

the front door is always locked and after she let my mum in while i was on the toilet the keys are kept way out of her reach! i struggle to reach them at times.

the worst thing she ever does is going downstairs to get food for her and dd2 and bringing it upstairs for dd2 to eat in her cot! dd2s cot is in my room so i always hear this but if i try to take the food away all hell breaks loose!!!

Niecie · 06/07/2008 19:15

YABU - I let my two do it. They have only been doing it for about 6mths and they are 7 and 4yrs. Before that they used to camp on the bedroom floor and watch children's telly and talk very loudly so the move downstairs is a blessed relief.

They know where we are, they don't raid the kitchen or mess with things they shouldn't - they are more interested in playing computer games or watching the telly. They are fine.

Original poster

Jelliebaby · 06/07/2008 19:20

I think everybodies circumstances are different and most people seem quite happy to do this. I do still think my friend is wrong to do it as her son is a little clumsy and is forever falling over etc, I wouldn't be happy to leave him whilst i slept.

Its good to do if you know your child is quite good and would just sit and watch a dvd, not sure if my DD would though so may hold out till she's a bit older.

OP posts:

AbricotsSecs · 06/07/2008 19:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Bridie3 · 06/07/2008 19:22

did this frequently. My children are quite sensible. TBH, my son was probably younger than this when we started doing it. Our house is small, though.

lackaDAISYcal · 06/07/2008 19:31

My DS used to get up and make his own breakfast at this age....at 5:30. He would make a mess feed himself then play or watch and come and wake me up at about 7ish. Not a lot I could do about it short of installing a trip wire connected to my alarm on his bedroom door.

He was always very sensible and knew what he could and couldn't eat.

2point4kids · 06/07/2008 19:33

DS1 is not quite 3 yet so dont do this, but am looking forward to he day I can!!

Its no different really to letting them play downstairs while you have a shower/bath/get ready is it?

Chocolateteapot · 06/07/2008 19:33

Mine are expected to get up and go down by themselves at weekends. Croissants in bread bin and milk in fridge. DD is 9 so obviously been doing this for ages and DS is 4.10. He has been doing it for about 6 months.

I am just looking forward to the day DD is old enough to bring me a cup of tea in bed.

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