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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think leaving a 4 year old downstairs when you have a lie in is wrong?

140 replies

Jelliebaby · 06/07/2008 18:19

My friend has recently confessed to me that she sometimes gets up in the morning with her 4 year old son then leaves him watching a dvd and having breakfast whilst she goes back to bed for a hour.

I think this is quite wrong of her (but didn't say)and wondered what other people think?

I am suffering from severe MS at the moment and would love nothing more than having an extra lie in but the thought never really crossed my mind.

OP posts:
bozza · 06/07/2008 20:55

My 7yo gets up in the morning and, if he thinks we are asleep, he goes back into his own bedroom and reads until we are awake. If he knows we are awake (and it is football season) he asks to go downstairs and watch Match of the Day. TBH I would be happy for him to skip the asking to watch MOTD and allow him to just go downstairs so long as it wasn't earlier than 7.

Unfortunately my 4yo wakes up and is trained to stay in bed until her little light comes on at 7, but then comes and climbs on me as her first action of the day. They are rubbish at getting breakfast though.

flubdub · 06/07/2008 21:00

Whats helicopter parenting?

OverMyDeadBody · 06/07/2008 21:03

buzzing around your children all the time, never letting them just get on with being on their own, always supervising, organising, controlling, directing, bossing, interfering.

That's helicopter parenting.

Original poster
Jelliebaby · 06/07/2008 21:03

I was wondering the same thing flubdub

OP posts:
OverMyDeadBody · 06/07/2008 21:04

I can't wait till DS is old enough to make me a cup of tea in the morning and bring it up to me.

OverMyDeadBody · 06/07/2008 21:05

Basically if you're always hovering around your children you're helicopter parenting.

Original poster
Jelliebaby · 06/07/2008 21:08

I can't see how this is helicopter parenting going mad tbh?

OP posts:
staranise · 06/07/2008 21:12

My and DH did this this very morning with our 4 year old and 2 year old DDs. He gave them breakfast and then put on a DVD and then came back to bed for 30 mins

Our house is small so can always hear the DDs. We also don't have TV and so they consider a DVD to be a treat which means when it's on, they barely move from the TV.

Though personally I wouldn't leave a child eating unattended both because of the choking and mess risk.

bergentulip · 06/07/2008 21:15

YABU.
Does depend on the child I suppose, but it is wonderful when you suddenly realise they can amuse themselves for an hour or so, coming in every now and again to check on us lazy lumps parents in bed.

Bliss.
And more than anything else, I feel so proud of my 3yr old, when I can hear him chatting to himself, playing nicely with his toys in the playroom (it is also the study and the guestroom-we're not that posh!!!)

OverMyDeadBody · 06/07/2008 21:26

It's helicopter parenting because some parents can't seem to ever let their children just be on their own for a few hours, and this is an example of that!

Children don't need constant supervision, especially not in their own homes.

sallystrawberry · 06/07/2008 21:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

S1ur · 06/07/2008 21:37

Key is the child you have, more than the age.

Also this is sometimes right? So even less of a deal, honestly I have mates who leave their 4 yo every morning after handing him a bowl of cereal and the remote. That is possibly a bit crap imvho but I'd think that more because watching telly for a hour or more every morning before nursery isn't a fab way of starting your day.

I have been known doze on sofa occasionally and let the dcs have a special treat of telly in pjs on a saturday - because I've stayed up late mning. But I have two, a nearly four and a nearly 2, so I'm much worse I suspect.

S1ur · 06/07/2008 21:41

Helicopter parenting is easy to fall into and often feels rightous, lots of advice about interacting with your child, discussing their activities, talking about their day - you add all the advice together and you can easily end up feeling that if you are not supporting/guiding/describing/praising/facilitating then you are being a baaaaaaad parent.

Takes a bit of a step back and pragmatism to realise that actually children benefit from doing it independent from you, so go and read the paper for the good of their development

seeker · 06/07/2008 22:01

HAng on - somebody said they were appalled at 7 year olds turning the TV on and helping themselves to food. REALLY? 7 year olds? My 7 year old is quite capable of getting himself some cereal or a marmite sandwich and turning Match of the Day on on a Sunday morning - why would I not let him do that if he wanted to?

MmeBovary · 06/07/2008 22:04

My dd always comes in and wakes us up. She recently caught us "napping" early one morning - quite a shock when I opened my eyes and she's stood right next to the bed! She asked if I had tummy ache as Daddy was rubbing my "tummy" and I was making funny noises .

She's capable of finding her own breakfast but our TV remote is a bit complicated so one or other of us always gets up. I'm so looking forward to the day she's big enough to bring me a cup of tea in bed .

Dottydot · 06/07/2008 22:05

We do it on Sat and Sun mornings - ds's (6&4) go downstairs and watch telly for about 40 mins while we stay in bed. It's what weekends are for!

MmeBovary · 06/07/2008 22:09

And why is it that when it is a school day you have to drag them out of bed, but when it's the weekend - particularly if you've had the odd night out on the razz - they are wide awake and singing at 5.30!

onepieceoflollipop · 06/07/2008 22:13

"breakfast sandwiches" made the night before - thanks whoever suggested that. I suspect that dd would get up as soon as we went to bed and eat the lot though!

BibiThree · 06/07/2008 22:16

We've let dd (3.9) sit in the livingroom watching CBeebies or whatever while we lie in bed since she was about 3 - we have an upside down house so every step she took was right above our heads, so we knew if she was wandering. Now we lug the tv/dvd combo into her room so she can watch a dvd as we've changed bedrooms and can't hear her as well. To be fair, she's an angel child and has never been one for messing with things she shouldn't so we feel fairly confident. Not sure we would with our next two!

Elkat · 06/07/2008 22:18

Sorry, but I think if the child is responsible, then this is another case of the 'overparenting' of our children that the media is always harping on about, and the type that the psychologists claim will is psychologically damaging our children. The key thing that the pyschologists are always harping on about at the mo is that children need freedom to do their own thing and to be trusted, and if they can't be trusted in their own house (assuming they are responsible kids) then geez...

My Daughter is 4.5 and will happily get up, turn off the burglar alarm (she knows the code), go down stairs and fix herself breakfast. She even knows that she is only allowed 'junk' cereals (rice krispies, cornflakes etc) at the weekend, so if she gets up early on a weekday and fixes herself breakfast will get herself appropriate food. She can even get herself dressed and ready for the day (when she feels like it, although her choice of clothing may leave something to be desired!). But then she has been brought up to be trusted and to be responsible... and she knows full well if she breaks my trust, then she won't be trusted again until she earns it back. I trust her, and she acts accordingly.

Wallace · 06/07/2008 22:19

My (just) 7 year old dd loves to take her not yet 2 year old brother downstairs and get him breakfast.

I can't wait until I can go back to sleep and leave them to it instead of lying there awake listening!

Hangingbellyofbabylon · 06/07/2008 22:23

I sent my 3 year old downstairs this morning at 6.30am to get a snack for her and her 2 year old sister (so we could stay in bed for a bit longer) - she was foraging for ages and finally came upstairs with 2 bags of chocolate animal biscuits and 2 cartons of banana milk shake.. which they ate in our bed whilst we dozed

VanillaPumpkin · 06/07/2008 22:33

YABU. My just 5 year old and just three year old frequently get themselves up and come downstairs and do drawing. They don't put the TV on, as they know they are not allowed but there were certainly mornings when they were younger that we would get up, put the TV/DVD on and go back to bed. We had stairgates then though...blocking the door ways.
How do you have a shower or hang the washing out?

Alderney · 06/07/2008 22:43

I've not read the other answers but I'm getting there..

My Elder DD sometimes comes downstairs by herself and does some drawing- however the payback for this is that we have to tidy up her mess...she is 4.

My Sister's DS used to get himself up and enterain himself 5 days per week as she couldnlt get out of bed until 10am - THAT was excessive - the odd lie in or nap is one thing, but almost everyday for 3 hours himself while you sleep the day away is IMHO bordering on abuse.

Apparently she has "never liked mornings" and has "always needed a lot of sleep"...

pollywobbledoodle · 06/07/2008 22:57

dd 4.6 will gawp in a slack-jawed fashion at milkshake, barely moving until it finishes.... she loves it,she makes little nests out of pillows and munches dry cereal we put out the night before...our only problems so far have been milk and cereal spillage