My eldest daughter thinks she can tell me how to raise MY own children??

[JustAskingReally88]

my eldest daughter has really annoyed me today 🙄

she has been having a go at me about how i raise the younger ones, apparently they need more routine and apparently im too soft with them??

she has got children herself so now she thinks shes some sort of parenting expert lol

i have raised my children and i know what im doing. im not saying im perfect because nobody is but they are fed, clothed, loved and looked after so what exactly is the problem??

what annoys me most is she seems to forget who was there when she had her first child. who was up with her, who helped her, who dropped everything when she needed somebody and who was there when she didnt know what she was doing 🤷‍♀️

i certainly wasnt standing over her criticising every little thing she did.

now shes got a few years of being a mum under her belt she thinks she can lecture me about my own household. she was happy enough to come running to me when she needed help but apparently everything i do is wrong now 🙄

ive told her if she doesnt like how i do things then she can stay at her own house. i dont go round telling her how to raise hers so why does she think she can tell me how to raise mine??

at the end of the day im still their mum and i know my own children better than anybody else does.

AIBU to think your grown children shouldnt constantly criticise your parenting??

or am i just expected to sit there and take it because shes my daughter??

That sounds really annoying. Kids can be annoying sometimes. Not sure what we can do about it anyway.

Do the same back to her. Every time she citicises something you do, throw something back at her, see how she likes it.

It's hard for any of us to pick sides here OP, we don't know what's going on inside your house. I don't think that how a parent raises small children should be beyond the criticism of an older child but I can't tell if it's justified here.

its not even big things though its little things like what they watch on tv, what they eat, what time they go to bed etc 🙄

apparently everything needs to be done differently and she doesnt agree with how i do certain things.
but what gets me is shes soon quick enough to ring me when she wants somebody to have the children or pick them up from school isnt she??

if im that bad at raising children why am i the first person she contacts when she needs help??

This was my first thought too!

That's nice dear and then sort your own household.

i have raised my children and i know what im doing. im not saying im perfect because nobody is but they are fed, clothed, loved and looked after so what exactly is the problem??
Don't know your circumstances, but it takes a lot more than that to be considered a good parent.

If she's having a go because you handed a few sweets after work, she needs to mind her own business.

If she is concerned because they are not going to school and you're doing nothing about it, someone needs to tell you!

where have i said my children dont go to school?? 😂

nobody has said anything about them not attending school so not sure where youve got that from.

they go to school and are looked after, fed and clothed. my daughter is having a go about little things like what they watch on tv and what they eat, not because im neglecting them.

Well what are they watching on tv for their ages?

You raised her after all but that doesn’t mean she must think you did a good job either. Often haven your own children shows what was wrong with how you were raised.

A few hours of babysitting is very different to raising children lots of parents let things fly they wouldn’t do because it’s childcare not because they agree with it.

I think that eating, sleeping and what they watch on TV are quite important. If they're staying up late eating sweets while watching rubbish on TV that's not great!

What they eat, when they go to bed and what they watch on television are pretty important actually. What are her specific criticisms? Is it like, please feed them a vegetable occasionally or they must only have organic quinoa?

What ages?

I feel your pain op! My eldest dd tells me it's not my fault, I am simply to old to raise a teenager effectively. I am on my 5th teen so what I lack in youth and energy I make up for with experience! Dd has no kids, just badly behaved, spoiled pets!

Some parents develop a i know best attitude. normally it's friends children or nephew's etc but maybe due to you having her young ( making an assumption) she has siblings the same age as her own children ( again assumption) you get the judgement.

I would just laugh and point out you raised her so obviously did a good job.

Meh. I’d take the feedback from my eldest, she knows what it was like being raised by me so she IS a bit of an expert in that sense. I might not agree, but I’d certainly be curious to hear.

This

"AIBU to think your grown children shouldnt constantly criticise your parenting??"

I think they are the best placed people to give feedback. They've been raised by you, they know your parenting inside out and what goes on when no one else is watching. As they get older they're able to reflect on what elements of your parenting shaped them. What had a positive impact on them and what had a negative impact.

Your response to her feedback is really defensive which makes me think she was probably right.

Agree with pp, sometimes it takes having your own children to realise where your parents went wrong. Maybe she’s reflected on this and now sees how negatively some of your parenting has influenced her? Sounds like she’s actively trying to be a better parent to her own kids.

But yes, it all depends what exactly is going on in your household so it’s hard for strangers online to judge…

This.

I mean, OP, your daughter is the expert on being raised by you. If she's chosen to do things entirely differently with her own children, maybe listen and learn?

As you pointed out, she wouldn't be so fast to ask you to babysit her kids if she thought you was a terrible parent.

What age is your dd?

What are the specifics on what she has criticised and how has she criticised, has there been shouting, raised voices?

I mean if you raised her with watching FSK18 movies and eating junk food all the time then she has a valid point. Because those things will have affected her.

My older sisters once remarked to my mum that she didn't talk enough about about sex education, periods etc. My mum took that criticism on board and was a lot more open on those issues.