To think giving someone a birthday card with money in it is a cop out?

[HonestTealPoster]

I appreciate that money is useful and that some people genuinely prefer receiving it, but I’ve always found giving someone a birthday card with cash inside rather impersonal. To me, part of the point of giving a gift is putting some thought into what the person might actually like or enjoy. Giving money just feels like the easiest option, requiring very little thought or effort. Obviously, it’s different if someone has specifically asked for money but otherwise I think it takes something away from the sentiment of gift-giving.

AIBU?

That’s what I think too.

But this is due to almost 30 years of receiving a load of tat with Elvis or Marilyn Monroe on it. I like Mid Century style furniture.

So one day, everyone assumed that I loved EVERYTHING 50s and 60s. The absolute shit I’ve got over the years is astounding.

They were not carefully chosen gifts, more like, “oh she likes 50s stuff, there’s a pack of cards with Elvis on, or a t shirt with Buddy Holly on it covered in sequins, that’ll do.”

I'd absolutely love to receive cash and only cash for the rest of my days. Please save thoughtful and considered gift giving for others and show me the money!

See, this sort of thing is what makes me dread family birthdays and Christmas.

For the chronically disappointed, every present is a cop out, an insult or an act of outright aggression.

Someone’s always got the hump about some perceived slight or thoughtlessness. It’s a horrible emotional skirmish that leaves everyone resentful and exhausted.

Well I love money and prefer it over shit toiletry sets or candles I won’t use. Generic presents I won’t use are more insulting.

My children find it awkward when their aunts/uncles ask what they want.

They are concerned about cost for the buyer. What is the budget? They don’t want to ask to appear rude and as such prefer a gift of money that is less than any gift.

If close family know what brands they like (eg clothes) they still might get the wrong size, style or colour. In this case they feign thanks then hold onto the item for months before selling it on eBay and buying something they want, this wastes everyone’s time. Sometimes gifts are non-returnable, clearance or heavily discounted, all this is fine until the gift is not quite right then someone might be stuck with it.

My daughter loves art, someone may very well get her expensive supplies as a thoughtful gift. That’s very kind, but she uses specific pens, certain colour palettes. This also changes over time as she gets better or develops new techniques.

For these reasons sometimes a small amount of money is better than a more expensive "not quite right" gift.

I get that you are choosing gifts for your loved ones based on what you understand they will appreciate. Do you ask them what they want or is your gift usually something of a surprise to them? If it's something they've asked for, that kind of takes out the "thoughtfulness" of gift giving. And if it's something you've chosen for them, how do you know how that gift has really landed with them (as most of us gush over any gift, even ones we absolutely know are going to end up being donated to the next church tombola)?

It can be either. Sometimes I’ll ask, sometimes I’ll choose something myself based on what I know about the person.

I don’t agree that buying someone something they’ve asked for removes the thoughtfulness. Listening to someone, remembering what they’ve mentioned wanting and making the effort to get it for them can be thoughtful too.

And of course I can’t guarantee that every gift I’ve given has been genuinely appreciated. Nobody can. But surely the possibility of getting it wrong doesn’t make the effort of choosing something personal meaningless?

I’m not arguing that a thoughtfully chosen gift is automatically better received than money. I’m saying that, to me, there’s something more personal about the act of choosing a gift specifically with someone in mind.

I don't express a preference for money. If someone asks for suggestions, I come up with a list of ideas that fall within how much we usually spend on one another (and items that cost considerably less, just in case) and always say that I'm sure I'll love anything they might choose, whether or not it's on my list. That's only polite, imo.

Sometimes the reality is that I would actually prefer money to what I'm given, though, and there have been many times when I've given something and sensed after it was opened that it wasn't quite right. We're always polite about it and appreciate the effort taken and thought behind the gift, but honestly, I've reached the point in my life where I'd rather not waste money, time, and effort trying to find something that's 'right' when it's often just too difficult to achieve. I do consider it a waste, unfortunately.

I find money is a thoughtful gift, too, because it represents someone's hard work and their desire to allow me to treat myself to something I might not otherwise buy.

I think money can be a thoughtful gift. It can all depend on budget, and I would rather my kids got given money than a gift that clutters the house that they don't want or aren't interested in. Money can be put towards something bigger that they do want (games console for example).

I think sometimes the whole 'I bought a thoughtful gift' is more the givers thoughts than the receivers.

I and my teens all prefer money to presents.

I have long thought there are two trains of thought for gift giving.

1. The point of the gift is that the recipient gets something they really like. So, if you, as the giver, don't know, aren't 100% sure, or the recipent doesn't have anything they really want, or, as suggested on this thread, they might want a gift that's outside of the budget, then money in a card is great.
2. The point of the gift is for the giver to feel good about themselves because they noticed the recipient's interests and spent time getting them what they consider to be a thoughtful, personal gift. Whether the recipient actually likes or wants it is of secondary importance.

I think OP is of the 2nd persuasion. Lots of poeple on this thread who are of the first. Unfortunately the two groups are never going to agree.

The right mug is very important! I drink tea and it has to be the right shape and the handle has to feel right. I like to cuddle a mug to check it’s the right mug for tea and I have specific mugs I use for normal tea and herbal tea. I don’t want to be bought mugs just because I’m a tea drinker.

I like cats, go to the gym and drink tea, it doesn’t mean I want cat tea towels, a new mug or a water bottle.

Absolutely not! Far better than buying stupid rhat will never be used and the cardboard and plastic go into recycling.

Just realised this is a joke OP.

I don't really enjoy being given money as a present, and I don't enjoy giving money as a present either - I love choosing presents and receiving well-chosen presents or surprises. But I would accept money without a fuss and I would give someone money if they said they would actively prefer it.

I have a friend like you a bit. I got her a shopping trip with a store voucher once - thought we could go shopping together and she could pick what she liked to the value of the voucher - and she was upset with me! She specifically said I hadn't picked a thoughtful gift. So now with that particular friend, I do pick something.

The thing is though that she likes picking thoughtful gifts for me too. And they never quite hit the mark. Unless it's from someone with whom I'm really in sync with gifts, I like freedom of choice. I'm particular. I don't like other people choosing my books/clothes etc. I'd have loved a shopping trip with a voucher/set budget where I could pick what i wanted.

People are different and it's hard to get it right, I guess!

On Sunday morning my boyfriend and I were due to meet some new friends of his. It was cold and foggy, so I dressed warmly in jeans, Oxford-style shirt and chunky jumper.
When he saw what I was wearing he went ballistic saying that he had bought much better clothes for me than I had on. I was left shaken and tearful by his outburst, but dutifully changed into a one-piece lightweight jumpsuit that he had bought for me three years ago.

Now I am beginning to doubt that we have a future together. I suffered DV from my late husband, and would hate to be trapped once again in an abusive relationship. The boyfriend very rarely looses his temper with me but I am loathe to get trapped again. I am 61 and don't depend on him for money.

This seems like a bit of a non-problem to me. If you're getting upset about people literally giving you money, you have a very blessed life.

It depends entirely on the context. My nieces and nephews want cash, as do my teens. I used to love cash gifts. Now I'm mortified as my elderly Dad gives me a generous cash gift when I have a lot more cash to spare than he has. Gift cards annoy me unless you know they shop there, but I'm stil grateful. I admit being irritated recently when someone bought me a voucher for a nail bar nearer their house, it's not too far from me but I go to my regular place and technician, all they had to do was ask me or my Dh if they didn't want to bring it up. They have complicated my life a little now

This reminds me of my pal whose cousin with Down Syndrome bought her (probably accidently) a Mills and Boon book. She was so thankful and kept saying how much she loved it. She now has a massive Mills and Boon collection that she can't give away.

I agree 100%. I love having vouchers in my purse to spend as I want throughout the year.
I've lost count of the gifts we've received from certain well-meaning relatives over the past 35 years which have made their way to the not so local charity shops. Lovely items, but just not something we would use. Mainly kitchen gadgets!

I’m middle aged and get money as gifts - I love it! I like expensive gadgets and hate ‘thoughtful’ gifts because they aren’t things I want.

I don’t want people buying me clothes/chocolates/alcohol/candles or whatever other lazy arse gifts they think I might like. Why would they know what I want more than I do?

Most people who talk about buying thoughtful gifts actually buy what they themselves think the person wants.

People moaning about vouchers - wait til you find out about this thing called the internet where you can spend many types of voucher without leaving the house.

At my ripe old age, I'd prefer folks give me cash, because there's not much I want that they're aware of. The alternative is giving me more stuff I don't really want or need.

Exactly!

I often get female-oriented things smellies (I’m sensitive to strong scents and have very dry skin so anything lesser than CeraVe is useless for me), chocolates/sweeties (chocolate and sweeties not my thing), Prosecco (don’t drink alcohol) and other stereotypical girly things, usually from female family members because they like these things .

My mother would literally call me ungrateful for not liking things she bought me that she herself liked despite my dad telling her it wasn’t my thing before she purchased it.

MONEY IS THEE BEST PRESENT!!! It's the absolutely best voucher as it can be spent on anything the person actually secretly wants but never gets from all the "thoughtful" relatives and friends.