To think giving someone a birthday card with money in it is a cop out?

[HonestTealPoster]

I appreciate that money is useful and that some people genuinely prefer receiving it, but I’ve always found giving someone a birthday card with cash inside rather impersonal. To me, part of the point of giving a gift is putting some thought into what the person might actually like or enjoy. Giving money just feels like the easiest option, requiring very little thought or effort. Obviously, it’s different if someone has specifically asked for money but otherwise I think it takes something away from the sentiment of gift-giving.

AIBU?

Because we've all received stuff we don't want and will never use from people who pride themselves on 'carefully choosing gifts" for people, and many of us would much rather have cash to put towards something we actually want.

I’d rather have nothing, than yet another item destined for Vinted or the charity shop. My idea of a great gift is somethi luxurious that I might not treat myself to. One year, this was a Dior lipstick. When I had a milestone birthday, my friends, knowing my feelings on the matter, gave me the choice of a gift card from a store I love, or cash or gift card for something else. I bought myself a beautiful pair of shoes I’d been lusting after.

I’d rather have a £100 thing I really want and that will last that 5x £20 mediocre gifts that will be binned with the year. And I’m not so grabby that I’m going to demand £100 gifts.

That send, I do more often than not give gift vouchers rather than cash - but I wouldn’t be ungrateful for cash in a card because it’s “low effort”.

My PIL however just transfer the cash in to our bank accounts, and while that is more convenient I can’t bring myself to do it and will go and get cash for the card!

My birthday is December 25th. There's enough stress around present buying as it is, so if someone would rather give me money then I really don't mind.

Totally agree! A gift card for M&S, John Lewis or The White Company would fill me with joy whereas cash would probably end up going in the usual family ‘pot’.

Agreed.
Plus, you then have 'the change' which of course is never enough to spend on anything else, but it just loiters there on the card.

If you give me a £20 note, I can choose to put it towards something more expensive (as you can with a gift card) but if the thing I want from that particular shop costs £17 there, with cash, I can spend my extra £3 elsewhere, but with a gift card, it never gets spent, so the shop makes a massive profit out of everyone's 'not spent' bits, even before we take into account the ones that expire.

Why does it have to be a choice between giving money and buying something the recipient doesn’t want or can’t use? I’m not suggesting anyone should know another person better than they know themselves nor that every thoughtfully chosen gift will be a success. My point is that I find the act of considering someone’s personality, interests and preferences, and choosing something with them specifically in mind, more personal than simply putting money in a card. If someone has expressed a preference for money, that’s obviously different, as I’ve said several times now.

My MIL favours mugs that are tall and narrow at the base.

Any such mug, even if hand crafted by a master potter and painted by Banksy, goes straight in the charity box here. I knock them over and I don't think they make a nice brew.

I like pint-sized Bridgewater mugs or ones with a broader base than rim. Dishwasher and microwave safe. A fairly thin, china-esque delicacy of weight.

And I like them to sit, fashionably mismatched between my existing mixed mug selection of mixed blues, teals and pinks.

Honestly, I'm a mug minefield.

I think people are moving away from wanting more stuff.

You are welcome to find it more personal.

That's your top criteria for giving a gift.

Mine is "try not to delegate someone the chore of disposing of my gift".

It doesn't mean I never give personal gifts, but it does mean I don't valorise the act of choosing over the gift over the ultimate aim which is to make the recipient, not the giver, happy.

You sound very entitled. Perhaps you should donate the money to a good cause where it would be appreciated.

I don’t like mugs that are a dark colour on the inside, I like Le Creuset star sign mugs but not their regular range, I like mugs from Starbucks, do not like thin china ones, I’m also very particular about the handle.

I do like a gift card - forced me to buy a present for myself whereas cash can get swallowed up with day to day things!

When we had small dc, a big mortgage and money was tight, I used to literally put Christmas or birthday money into a separate purse (or envelope at one point), to make sure it was kept for me, and didn't melt into the family pot.

I love the theatre, so when a show came along that I wanted to see, I felt I could justify it by using the money I'd had for Christmas or Birthday rather than taking it from the family budget. It was SUCH a treat for me back in the day, I was really appreciative of people who gave me what I actually wanted (cash towards going to the theatre) rather than those who seemed to think the gift giving was all about what they wanted - ie, something I could physically open, or a "carefully chosen gift" which I never wanted nor used.

Gosh, this reminded me of the pyjama debacle a couple of years back. I gave my husband a list (that he asked for) and was very specific about the kind of pyjamas I find comfortable - he had free rein on style as he's usually pretty good at that. I specified jersey with cuffs elasticated waist and cuffs, and trouser pockets. Even sent a link and described the features I needed.

He got me loose classic cotton pyjamas with a drawstring waist, pocket on the breast.

Beautiful design, just what I would have chosen - in the comfortable style.

Thing is, I know he'll have spent fucking hours picking those out, to the point that he forgot the object of the exercise was JERSEY ELASTICATED FUCKING PYJAMAS.

I’d honestly rather not get a present than some money in a card.
a present for me is someone seeing something and thinking oh she’ll like that. Sometimes it’s a packet of sweets I like but for me it really is the thought.
money I think the person has gone oh shit I’ve not got a gift I’ll give some money.
unless I’m saving for something and they’ve said I’ll give you this to go towards it then I feel differently

I 100% get what you’re saying OP. I’ve been on the receiving end of cash/a cheque/vouchers in a card many times. Even when I have provided lists of presents I’d like, they’ve not bought them and given me cash instead. It feels like the bare minimum effort. It gets you down. I would love to be given something like a pair of gloves and get told I saw these and thought of you as they’d match your favourite coat or something like that. It would feel so much more thoughtful and as the saying goes, it’s the thought that counts. Cash feels like no thought at all. I understand where you are coming from

Have you been watching the John Lewis Christmas ad, OP?

Do you feel you need to promote the message 'don't give up on giving?'

I'm absolutely done with the excess and consumerism of Christmas and birthdays tbh. I think money is a good idea for all except young children.

I’ve always preferred the cash.

there are some people I would happily give money to whereas others I wouldn’t.

for my nieces and nephews ( all 9 of them , ranging from 9-29) I happily give money for birthday gifts and I usually buy a gift for Christmas however this year I’m contemplating giving money for Christmas. Makes my life easier.

my mum, son, dh and daughter , I would buy gifts for Christmas and birthdays.

Oh no I feel for you, what is a pj bottom if it doesn’t have a cuffed bottom and pockets, a liability and a potential health hazard (slipping down the stairs), that’s what it is.

Cash is ideal. It's awkward having to be grateful getting a gift someone else thinks you should want (and rarely do.)

Cash says I want you to choose what YOU like.

No, I haven’t been taking inspiration from the John Lewis advert! I’m not sure why choosing a thoughtful gift is being equated with excess or consumerism. A gift doesn’t have to be expensive, extravagant or even shop-bought to be meaningful. If anything, I’d argue that putting thought into a gift rather than simply focusing on its monetary value is quite the opposite of what you’re suggesting.

I prefer it because then the recipient can spend it on their own choice of item, or an experience, or a day out, or pay for something extra. I think most people I know have what they want, they have enough gloves, or hats, or whatever and I'm not so sure of my choice I just want to get them something they may not value that much as it's not their thing.

If they didn't have the item, that's a nice thing, but everyone I know just buys what they want, we don't wait for birthdays in our family and we don't not wear gloves as someone hasn't got us some yet. I feel like often with gifts, you are buying more of what they already have, another candle, another scarf, another toy and so the thing you bought isn't that impressive to them anyway.

Can't imagine how much money my PIL have pissed down the drain on vouchers for my birthday and christmas for a shop that I don't shop in, never have, they've been repeatedly told but their justification is "she could buy something nice for the house". Husband gets a cheque to spend on himself.