To think giving someone a birthday card with money in it is a cop out?

[HonestTealPoster]

I appreciate that money is useful and that some people genuinely prefer receiving it, but I’ve always found giving someone a birthday card with cash inside rather impersonal. To me, part of the point of giving a gift is putting some thought into what the person might actually like or enjoy. Giving money just feels like the easiest option, requiring very little thought or effort. Obviously, it’s different if someone has specifically asked for money but otherwise I think it takes something away from the sentiment of gift-giving.

AIBU?

If your children have specifically said they want money, then that’s clearly different, as I mentioned in my OP. I’m talking about giving money as a default rather than putting thought into choosing a gift. As for what I’d buy teenagers, surely that would depend on their individual interests and personalities?

That said, I really hate "carefully" chosen gifts. IME very few of the people who pride themselves in giving carefully thought out gifts ever get it right

This. It’s generally what the person thinks they would like, rather than what they’d actually want. I’d rather have the money and go shopping.

I don't have the space for 'carefully chosen' gifts, unless they're books. Love books. Money in a card is brilliant. Might come just in time for a bill or something essential that I might not have the money for.

And some people think they are good at it but actually aren't! There are a couple of people I know who always buy things kind of related to my interests but not at all that I'd want. For example if i liked kpop demon hunters they'd buy a Rumi t-shirt or something which i wouldn't wear. My dream gift is a book token.

My in laws prefer cash

Cash is fine. I wish my in laws would give cash to my kids instead of cheap shit presents

Cash in a card is my favourite sort of gift!

I'm happy if anyone cares enough to give me a birthday gift, whether it's cash, a voucher or a present 😊

Can you give us some examples of your categully chosen gifts please Op? As you're obviously so much better at it than the rest of us.

As always, context is key. £20 Cash for your spouse- not great. £20 for your teen sons mate - excellent!

You see this sort of thing pisses me off a bit. We spend so much time trying to think of something someone would like or enjoy, but you can never get it right because you'll never know what anyone really wants unless you ask them.

Money is great because you can buy what you want, and takes away the stress. If not money, just ask them what they want.

Yup - I like Doctor Who and have a little collection of related things but that doesn’t mean I want a TARDIS mug or Darlek colouring book!

Unless it one of my kids (adult), who generally ask for suggestions I don’t mind cash at all

I absolutely hate being given money as a gift. I have money, and for me a gift is supposed to be thoughtful. I don't want to be given money to get what I want because it's transactional. I can just get what I want in the first place.

I appreciate others have their preference though.

As a teenager my son liked gaming and hanging round the park with his friends. He was fairly sociable with them, but mostly grunted at me and disliked authority figures (e.g teachers at school).

Imagine he's your nephew. What would you plan to buy him? I am going to guarantee that virtually everything you suggest will be wrong.

Why the defensiveness and sarcasm? I haven’t claimed to be better at anything. My point is simply that choosing a gift based on someone’s interests and personality feels more personal than putting money in a card. Surely that’s not particularly difficult to understand?

Exactly! I have a cat, it doesn’t mean I want a load of cat related gifts.

Unless someone wants to buy me another cat…

But you’ve rather proved my point. You’ve told me very little about him beyond the fact that he enjoys gaming and spending time with his friends. If he were my nephew, presumably I’d know him well enough to have a better understanding of his interests and what he might appreciate.

I’m not suggesting every gift will be a guaranteed success. I’m saying that putting thought into choosing something for someone is, to me, more personal than automatically putting money in a card. I’m not sure why that’s proving so controversial.

Actually @PigeonsAmongstTheCats I do sort of agree - I’d rather my mates got me a birthday drink than gave me a £10 - I don’t mind my mum sending me £50 to buy myself something nice with as I don’t often see her on my birthday. I like a nice card that makes me laugh or feel thought about most.

My friends know me well so I usually get a lot of wine!

It's not at all difficult to understand but it is very difficult to get right, and I guarantee you've had mlre misses than you've had hits.

I can gift you one of my 7! He’s very sweet but he had a dicky tummy and likes carpets rather than litter trays !!!

I’d rather my kids were just asked what they wanted and bought it tbh. It saves a lot of hassle and they would be happy.

You sound like my mother.

Who has a lifetime (she's 88) behind her of 'shit gift giving' on the grounds that 'It's so impersonal to just give money'. I loathe all her presents. I've frequently contributed to 'Shit Gift' threads on here with tales of her dreadful presents that no one wants. She has actually given me gifts with the words, 'I couldn't imagine who would want this - so I'm giving it to you' in the past,

I just want a sodding book token. Or money. I'm so enraged by her now that I stick whatever crap she gifts me straight into a donation box. It's massively hurtful to realise she has no idea of the things I like, no interest in me as a person and it's all about a Lady Muck, performative handover to a grateful and impressed audience.

It's been my kids' preference since they were about eight. I don't need any gifts but would prefer a well-thought out book, plant, wine etc.

I think it's a bit vulgar to give cash. I find discussing money vulgar, and don't want to know the monetary value of gifts people give me, nor others calculating how much I spent on them. I don't want to know how much other people earn, I don't reveal my income to other people.

It also seems ridiculous that two people just give each other £25 or whatever. How pointless!

I also think it's lazy. If these are loved ones you are exchanging presents with, you should know what they like. I enjoy choosing gifts for adults and children alike and I think I am good at it. I have got some really random gifts from people, things I would never have asked for and been really pleased with them as it might be stuff I never knew existed, but all connected to things I am interested in.

The thing is lots of people who think they are good at choosing gifts really aren’t.