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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think you shouldn't leave my 3 soon to be 4 year old niece asleep in the house on her own?

125 replies

R2G · 02/07/2008 17:03

My brother in law has to take my sister to her early morning job (7.30am) sometimes 7am. They just told me they leave my niece in bed rather than wake her up. She is 3. He would be out of the house for 15 minutes. Think that is outrageous and said so. Said they could always call me a few minutes before they leave I would drive round and sit there for ten minutes at that she is too young to leave. They didnt really say anything but flounced off. Is that unreasonable to think, and is it unreasonable to have said so?

OP posts:
cazboldy · 02/07/2008 17:04

absolutely not!

and if he can get there and back in15 mins, she could bloody walk!

stroppyknickers · 02/07/2008 17:05

Tell your mother? Then tell the NSPCC...

2shoes · 02/07/2008 17:05

yanbu

LittleMyDancing · 02/07/2008 17:06

Hmmm - I would say they ABU in leaving her. What if they had some sort of accident and couldn't get back and she woke up all alone?

as for AYBU in saying so? Depends on how tactful you were in saying it. But ultimately, your niece's safety is very important. So no, YANBU but it's always best to approach other people's parenting decisions with sensitivity.

Original poster
R2G · 02/07/2008 17:09

She is giving up the job next week and getting something new in September when niece is at school so not too bad but otherwise I would not know what to do. i am glad you think I am right and yes she SHOULD walk. I'm so glad you agree can't believe what they have done.

OP posts:
Original poster
R2G · 02/07/2008 17:12

Should I do something else about it considering this? Sorry really upset cant believe they have been doing this all this time I didnt know, and they were so casual about it

OP posts:
lulumama · 02/07/2008 17:14

I think it is totally unacceptable. It is not something i would do

why can she not go to work alone? on the bus? in a taxi? walk? far better than leaving a 3 year old unattended. what if she woke up, looking for her parents who were nowhere to be seen? 15 minutes alone, scared and thinking your parents have gone is an eternity to a small child

you were absolutely right to say something

Blu · 02/07/2008 17:15

They are BONKERS.
What will happen in September, though?

Original poster
R2G · 02/07/2008 17:16

Little My Dancing Just saw your message. Yes I agree I wasn't very tactful I just blurted out 'What do you mean? Is no one watching her? Are you messing around?'

They said no they didnt want to wake her. I said

'wow can't believe that. What if someone is watching the house every morning or you have a crash and no one knows she is there or someone broke in or even just if someone noticed and called the social and you got in trouble?'

They said 'yeah we get the point. Right DD get your coat on...seeya'

Guess I should call and just say sorry I was just concerned? Or is that worse?

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Twelvelegs · 02/07/2008 17:16

When I was a little girl a local boy of three set his house on fire, his mother was at a neighbours when she heard the fire engines, she wasn't allowed to go back in. Needless to say her little boy died and all she could do was watch.
Crazy and illegal to leave a child of that age alone in a house.

lulumama · 02/07/2008 17:17

maybe they were embarassed and defensive, and had not thought of any potential pitfalls in what they were doing, hence dashing off..maybe call and say you hope you did not upset them, you were just really surprised and your offer to sit with her for 10 minutes still stands

although your sister should really get herself to work

Original poster
R2G · 02/07/2008 17:18

Blu- well in September she is hoping to get something to fit in with the school times so this shouldn't happen...unless they expect her to farking walk to school or something, wouldn't surprise me know after this

OP posts:
Original poster
R2G · 02/07/2008 17:19

Twelvelegs- oops crying again. That is exactly what I thought. They live on a busy main road too what if she opened the door or something like that or tried to jump out of the window or something if the door was locked and she panicked.

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lulumama · 02/07/2008 17:21

can you speak to your sister?. do you have that sort of relationship?

Bucharest · 02/07/2008 17:24

Two words:
madeleine Mccann
YANBU. They very much ABU.

Original poster
R2G · 02/07/2008 17:24

lulumama yes I do but they just got married recently. Now BIL is all over conversations. he's not horrid or anything but I just mean I couldn't just speak to her now it is both of them IYKWIM, but I can talk to both of them no problem

If they say oh it was just once or something what should I say? Shall I just say I am concerned you were'nt taking the dangers seriously and what will happen again. Sorry for spelling etc, agitated

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Quattrocento · 02/07/2008 17:24

Two things here:

Firstly, an acquaintance of my husband's was investigated by social services for doing just this - it was an isolated instance so the authorities decided there was no case to answer. It was clear that had this been a pattern, serious steps would have been taken.

Secondly - McCann

LittleMyDancing · 02/07/2008 17:25

I'm with lulumama - maybe give them a call and see if you can smooth things over. It's a very kind offer, so they'd be mad not to take you up on it.

lulumama · 02/07/2008 17:27

give her a call or a text, maybe ask her for a coffee, get some quiet time together, and talk as sisters can (usually) talk

i would not be concerned about an abduction, but more likely she would simply wake up and have no parents there, and be terrified

fymandbean · 02/07/2008 17:28

you might have given them a bit of a shock.... hopefully they'll think twice tomorrow morning...

I have to say I was horrified that the McCanns left Madeline alone in an apartment...it's a similar situation - what if someone broke in and took her?, or there was a fire? or she got up and played with the cooker and burnt herself? Or.. or... or... you need to stay within close distance

Original poster
R2G · 02/07/2008 17:30

Yes I'll give them a call. Dont get me wrong I've got my own kids to look after. Dont really feel like racing to them for 7 every morning but rather that than this situation FFS. As you say she should just get up and walk! It is a 20 minute walk. Sorry bloody furious think I should go and have a cup of tea.

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JacobsPrincess · 02/07/2008 17:32

I was under the impression that leaving a child as young as 3 unattended was illegal?
Social services would certainly have something to say about it if it was a regular thing.

Rhubarb · 02/07/2008 17:35

I've done it.

Yes it's unreasonable, but reporting them? I did it once or twice as a one-off. Usually when dd was ill and I had go and get her a prescription or pick ds up from nursery. Thought she was too ill and settled in her sleep for me to put her in the car.

Yes anything could have happened. But it didn't.

I can't say I wouldn't do it again either.

Original poster
R2G · 02/07/2008 17:39

Rhubarb yes that is what they are saying you know she is asleep etc. Think you are wrong too but I am not on my high horse I have left mine locked in the car to post a letter when asleep (in view of me in the shop but still I'm sure it is not the best), but the thing is their child is not ill. She could walk. i think she realises it is wrong as giving up the job because she hasn't put any proper childcare into place.
I dont intend to report them just talk to them.

OP posts:
Rhubarb · 02/07/2008 17:39

And another thread bites the dust!