Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think you shouldn't leave my 3 soon to be 4 year old niece asleep in the house on her own?

125 replies

R2G · 02/07/2008 17:03

My brother in law has to take my sister to her early morning job (7.30am) sometimes 7am. They just told me they leave my niece in bed rather than wake her up. She is 3. He would be out of the house for 15 minutes. Think that is outrageous and said so. Said they could always call me a few minutes before they leave I would drive round and sit there for ten minutes at that she is too young to leave. They didnt really say anything but flounced off. Is that unreasonable to think, and is it unreasonable to have said so?

OP posts:
Jajas · 02/07/2008 20:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LittleMyDancing · 02/07/2008 20:51

Yes, ChukkyPig, there's definitely a difference between an 18 month old in a cot, and a three year old in a bed who can climb out. Our holiday with DS was when he was still very much cot bound - we wouldn't do it now he's 2.3 and in a proper bed.

soopermum1 · 02/07/2008 20:51

7-7:30 is not too early to get the little girl out of bed and pop her in her carseat then return home for breakfast and getting dressed.

they're mad to be doing this

ChukkyPig · 02/07/2008 20:58

It really does. I do my level best to be not paranoid or unduly risk averse with DD. I am the one getting the from my friends while I let her play on the stairs.

But I still think this is a bit much.

cheeset · 02/07/2008 21:08

I have never left my dc on their own. I cannot believe people do this

If i've needed to pop out whilst looking after a poorly child, then they have come with me.

If youv'e got to think about it before you do it, its not the right thing to do.

Absolutely barking to leave children on their own.

mamalovesmojitos · 02/07/2008 21:10

rhubarb i dont think that it is a case of everyone doing it but not admitting to it. i would wager that the majority of people would never leave a baby at home unattended. they are being honest when they say so.

Eilatan · 02/07/2008 21:13

They're nuts. We all have tricky lives. You have to juggle but put the kids' safety first!

stitch · 02/07/2008 21:16

i have done this on occasion with children of a similar age, but not early in the moring. only done so later in the eveing. usually phoning my mom so she knows when i leave , and when i come back. less liklihood of them waking up in the evening than in the morngin.
but it is not ideal by any means. and rather than judging, the op should help out her brother.

cheeset · 02/07/2008 21:18

I think people should judge on this subject. It's wrong to leave a minor on their own.

Rhubarb · 02/07/2008 21:25

Well I think it's wrong to leave young children unattended with dogs. Yet most people are happy to do this and there are more cases of kids being attacked by dogs than there are of something happening to them whilst they are left on their own for a short period as a one off.

In this case, yes they are being unreasonable in doing this every weekday and I believe the OP did offer help, which they should have taken.

stitch · 02/07/2008 21:27

then people should help. not judge.
a child under the age of five is community responsibility. his parents are NOT fodder for local gossip.

when ds walked out of school, aged just seven. a local lady saw him on his own, and walked with him till he came home. she did not know me. she did not judge his parents as crappy parents, and continue with her gardening. she came with him to ensure he got to a safe place. she was proactive. a good samaritan. etc etc

or should she have tutted, and allowed ds to have continued the almost two miles home on his own?
community responsibility.

stitch · 02/07/2008 21:28

agree rhuby. i would never leave kids with an animal

aGalChangedHerName · 02/07/2008 21:32

I wouldn't leave the dd's (nearly 4 and nearly 2) home alone ever. I wouldn't leave them alone with a dog or cat either.

I don't know anyone who leaves their children alone at home.

I am a CM and have had to lift my own children from a sleep (sometimes ill) to pick up mindees and also the same with mindees to pick up my dc.

Would rather that than something happen to them when left alone.

Mad to do it imo.

icecreamsoda · 02/07/2008 21:53

The issue here isn't something happening to the child, or to the parents. The issue here is the terror a 3 year old must surely feel if she awoke to find that her mummy and daddy had gone and she was in the house all alone. A 3 year old would not have the capasity to think that maybe daddy had taken mummy to work and would be back soon. All she would know is that her mummy and daddy were not there. at 7:30 in the morning it is entirely possible that she would wake up soon. So if daddy got stuck in traffic he might be too late to get back while she was still asleep.

What happened to the Mccanns was incredibly rare. But for seemingly inteligent people they were stupid to leave her, in an apartment, with the doors left unlocked, where she would have to walk past a swimming pool, in the dark, to find her parents. The proximity to a swimming pool alone would do it for me. I rate leaving children unattended in a place where they might be able to get access to a swimming pool along with leaving them unattended with dogs.

aGalChangedHerName · 02/07/2008 21:58

Agree Icecreamsoda.

cheeset · 02/07/2008 22:03

Leaving kids alone is wrong on so many levels.

beingpositive · 02/07/2008 22:05

I would print this thread and send it to your sister. Maybe then she will realise the full picture

TheProvincialLady · 02/07/2008 22:10

I agree icecreamsoda. My parents left me at night sometimes to go for 'a quick drink' and when I woke up and dicovered they were gone I was terrified. I was about 7 or 8 the first time it happened. I didn't fall out of a window, set fire to the house or get abducted but I did lose trust in the adults that were supposed to be looking after me.

IpreferNadal · 02/07/2008 22:14

I think posters who think this is rare are misguided. I have come across several people/friends who have left their DC alone.
I know one family who would, occasionally, leave their two kids alone for up to 15mins while he picked her up from local night out with girls. Someone at my antenatal group told me she left newborn asleep while she drove 3 year old half a mile to nursery.
Knew someone else who told me they would leave baby asleep while they went to shop across road (pointed out that being at the bottom of their very long garden was further away.)

On holiday have had to persuade another friend it was not OK to leave her DCs alone in mobile home next door while they came into ours. Even with a listener.

I would never ever leave my kids and am probably the other extreme in that i am very over protective. My dd had a febrile convulsion, for example. NOt to mention the risk of vomiting, or just a child awaking crying and in distress.

In each case I expressed my surprise/worry.

But, also lots of people leave kids in cars when picking their other kids up from school, or going into shops etc. Maybe less so since the Madeleine McCann story.

Talking of which. I have been on a Mark Warner holiday (summer before last) and they offer (or certainly did) a baby listening service much as described by an earlier poster - you leave child in room and they walk around listening for any crying and ring your mobile if that happens. Would never have considered it and even remember commenting to DH that our appartment was right next to perimeter and can't believe that people do. Which kind of makes me shiver now when I think of it. But lots of Mark Warner-ites did just this. Lots of them.

mamalovesmojitos · 02/07/2008 22:17

well said icecream soda.

rhubarb - sorry to pounce again -

but you say that most people are happy to leave children unattended with dogs? . an incredible generalisation.

again, i would doubt that very much. i would say most people would not. just as i would guess that most people would not bring their children in a car without fastening seatbelts. would not leave their child alone in a bath.

alicet · 02/07/2008 22:19

I am truely flabbergasted that people would do this. Words fail me.

I would have considered leaving them in a hotel room (not ground floor) with a baby monitor and going to the hotel bar / restaurant prior to the McCann case. Wouldn't even do that now (wouldn't knock anyone who did though) as I just think it's not worth it. How would you ever forgive yourself?

But this is so so many steps beyond that. I think I would tell them that if they continue to do this then you will report them.

I have an 'open all hours' shop literally 50yds from my front door and there have been times when dh is out where I have been sorely tempted to pop over for something I need as I could be there and back in just 2 mins. But really there is NOTHING that is more important than my ds's safety.

Madness. OP YA def NBU

deste · 02/07/2008 22:40

A couple crashed into the back of my sisters car abroad. The couple told the police that they would need to hurry as they had left their children asleep at home. The police didn't bat an eyelid. They also asked my sister to take the blame as they thought she looked better off than them. They then had to borrow her mobile phone to call his wifes work to say she would be late.

QueenyEisGotTheBall · 02/07/2008 23:47

i think YANBU TBH
funny thing is i am not all that surprised that people still do this kind of thing. my mum used to go and pick my dad up from his pool match every week and be out for over 30 mins when i was about 8 or so which made my youngest brother around 3/4yo we were all in bed but my sister and i would wait til she had gone out and then raid the biscuit tin this was all alot of fun until my middle brother (6yo or so at the time) had an asthma attack and she didnt get back for another 15 mins. luckily it had happened before so my sister and i knew what to do with his inhalers etc but needless to say my dad got taxis home from then on.
i would make sure i put myself firmly into the situation and make sure they realise how important it is to take their childs safety seriously. anything could happen. as others have said she could wake up and be frightened to be on her own in the very least serious of instances!! the worst case scenario doesnt bear thinking about!!
i hope you get this situation resolved before you feel you need to take it further.
xx ei xx

Twelvelegs · 03/07/2008 08:06

Rhubarb I don't think many peoplelet their children go without seatbelts, unattended in a bath or with animals. Wha planet do you live on? Risking your children is about living with the consequencs should he worst happens, I know I couldn't do that.
I think the MacCanns were arrogant and stupid, why they thought that they were okay to take risks or even give up a dinner with friends in order to take responsibility for their own children's emotional weel being, should they wake with a nightmare, I have no idea.

sweetkitty · 03/07/2008 08:15

I have a 3 nearly 4 yo and theres no way I would leave her alone in the house, at that age she would climb out of bed, be v distressed no one was there or get up to allsorts. I have left a baby in a cot upstairs and been chatting to a neighbours outside in the road for a bit. I do think a baby is different as they cannot physically get out of a cot.

7-7.30 isn't that early, most nearly 4 yos are up at this time anyway for nursery etc, can't see why they can't wake her stick a jacket over her PJs, give her some milk and stick her in the car.