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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think you shouldn't leave my 3 soon to be 4 year old niece asleep in the house on her own?

125 replies

R2G · 02/07/2008 17:03

My brother in law has to take my sister to her early morning job (7.30am) sometimes 7am. They just told me they leave my niece in bed rather than wake her up. She is 3. He would be out of the house for 15 minutes. Think that is outrageous and said so. Said they could always call me a few minutes before they leave I would drive round and sit there for ten minutes at that she is too young to leave. They didnt really say anything but flounced off. Is that unreasonable to think, and is it unreasonable to have said so?

OP posts:
Original poster
R2G · 02/07/2008 17:41

Rhubarb- what do you mean it bites the dust?

OP posts:
Rhubarb · 02/07/2008 17:41

Oh, sorry!
Yes by all means voice your concerns. But I do so hate it when people start saying how you should report them to the authorities.

Do they really, honestly, think that the McCanns deserved what happened to them? Or that peoples children should be taken off them because they dared to take a risk? Does it make them feel smug and superior I wonder?

Rhubarb · 02/07/2008 17:41

(I meant that I had inadvertently killed it)

cazboldy · 02/07/2008 17:42

IMO that is even worse...leaving an ill child??? that's awful

Original poster
R2G · 02/07/2008 17:44

It's not feeling superior. It is just seeing it from a child centred point of view rather than all the ifs and buts parents give for why they do things. Bottom line is it is selfish and it is cnvenient and my niece might be frightened, scared, harmed or harm herself. Dont think they should lose her obviously just these two words....Walk lady!!

OP posts:
Rhubarb · 02/07/2008 17:44

Yeah yeah. She was poorly and asleep. Having just got to sleep.

Or do you check your poorly kids every minute to make sure they are still breathing?

cazboldy · 02/07/2008 17:46

pretty much - yeah.....

and R2g your last post sums the situation up completely...

Rhubarb · 02/07/2008 17:46

Yes, if she can walk she should.

But I can see how tempting it is if your child is fast asleep, to pop out for 10mins.

Not on a regular occasion however. That increases the risk more than I'd be happy with.

But before all these laws came into force, our parents left us, our grandparents left them and they were not bad parents. Just that is was acceptable then and is not now.

In France it is perfectly acceptable and normal for this to happen on occasion. A policeman neighbour would often leave his baby in her cot whilst he picked up his son.

Depends on your culture and what society deems as acceptable.

fymandbean · 02/07/2008 17:50

I don't think the mcCanns deserved what they got - I was just horrified at the time that they thought it was ok to leave 3 kids alone in an unlocked apartment... in fact I think the grandmother was reported as saying the same thing...

I would NEVER ever leave a child alone, not even if the child was ill.

R2G perhaps just phone and apologise that you shocked them (don't apologise for what you said). Perhaps show them this thread???

Twelvelegs · 02/07/2008 17:51

Rhubarb in this day and age we do not live in our neighbours pockets and we mind our own business and so the risks are far greater. My mother never left me on my own BTW.
I would warn your sister that someone else may report her.

ShortandSweet · 02/07/2008 17:53

Oh my god that is totally wrong. If I was you I would have been screaming at them and am sorry but don't they have any common sense

flubdub · 02/07/2008 17:55

Not the same, but.......
I was left in an apartment in Butlins when I was about 7 yrs old (so, 15 yrs ago), and it was night time. There was jusr a warden that walked past the window every now and then.
I remember seeing his shadow outside the indow, and it was SCARY! To me then it was unnacceptable, and even more so now.
I know its not the same, but societies change a lot from time to time, and country to country.

Rhubarb · 02/07/2008 17:55

I wouldn't apologise for airing your views.

You're entitled to them.

But neither would I report them. They have obviously weighed up the risks and deemed it ok. On their heads be it. You'd said what you think. I wouldn't take offence, I'd bear in mind what was said and make my own mind up.

Like I said though, what's ok in one place is not in another. And France is not very much different to England.

cazboldy · 02/07/2008 18:00

but it's not just on their head now she knows if they continue to do it......

if something did happen, could you live with the fact that you knew that she was being left alone?

I would tell them that if they let it happen even once more then you will be making sure it doesn't happen again, and I would go round and check in the morning to make sure.

I really feel for you and have been in a similar situation with my sister.

Original poster
R2G · 02/07/2008 18:02

My mums coming round in a bit should I tell her or just deal with it myself?

OP posts:
cazboldy · 02/07/2008 18:05

I would tell her - maybe they think that you are being precious, and if she says something, they might realise that it is not something they should be doing..........

Original poster
R2G · 02/07/2008 18:11

Do you not think it migh jus annoy them more?

OP posts:
smallwhitecat · 02/07/2008 18:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster
R2G · 02/07/2008 18:17

ok well i never did go for that cup of tea but feel a lot calmer thanks MN will let you know how it is all received

OP posts:
smallwhitecat · 02/07/2008 18:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

honeybehappy · 02/07/2008 18:21

TBH i wouldn't care if it annoyed them.
What they are doing is so selfish and your sister should put her dd first and walk to work.
If that was my sister i'd tell her to stop or i would report her.

Twelvelegs · 02/07/2008 18:21

Rhubarb this is the OP's neice.

Rhubarb · 02/07/2008 18:38

Yes but as parents it's still up to them isn't it? I mean, you've said your bit now and if you tell your mum and she has another go at them, it won't do you any favours.

Leaving a child unattended for long periods is child neglect. And if this is happening on a regular basis then have words, which you have, don't blow it up anymore though.

Everyone has done something similar at least once though. Surely we are not getting to a stage where parents are too paranoid to take even tiny risks with their children?

Original poster
R2G · 02/07/2008 19:06

Hi

Spoke to them, didnt tell mum. They said they knew it was a risk but a calculated one. Door locked no keys so couldn't get out. I just said I wanted to check you knew it was wrong and they said 'do you want to come and inspect the house'. I said sorry if Im upsetting you but I just wanted you to know that it is wrong and not good and please don't do it again. She is far too young. Please ask for help if you need it or try and plan better.

They agreed sort of [hmmm]

Thanks everyone. feel horrible now like I will just keep a closer eye on them

OP posts:
combustiblelemon · 02/07/2008 19:11

Hmm, I can see what you mean about being paranoid Rhubarb, and as an occasional thing leaving a sleeping child for a short time might not be such a big deal, but every weekday?
The odds of the parents having a car accident or the child finding matches are low, but when the child's left daily it's a big risk to take.
A baby in a cot is less likely than a 3 year old to turn on gas rings or microwave a mobile phone while they're out. And if they did get reported that's a lot of hassle for them- the OP's only just found out but there's a good chance that one of their neighbours has noticed.

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