Why does friend always need to change the plans when I make the booking ?

[poshwellyboot]

every time I have plans with friend B and I make the booking - which is not that often - there is always something that inevitably needs changing for the booking due to B changing plans. I have booked restaurants in the past, that B has agreed we will go - most of these are our usual places - then B changes the plans so I have to unbook. We are due to see each other this Friday, I have booked a place that we agreed on .. B is now needing to change the plans and I have to undo the booking AGAIN. This seems to always happen when I make the booking. I never have a need to change plans and therefore the booking, when she has placed the booking. I am getting a bit fed up with it tbh.

AIBU ?

I want to say to B ''it seems that every time I make the booking you have a need to change the plans and I have to unbook/change the booking''. I wouldn't say that as I find it too confrontational

I'd try the passive aggressive method. Next time it's your turn to set up the meeting place don't reserve anything. Tell her you're all set for xx date at xy place at this time. Then when she invariably tells you last minute to change it just say 'oh I never reserved it as I knew you'd do this. You're aware you do this every single time I make a reservation for us aren't you?'

If she gets upset I'd tell her yeah this is how I've been feeling for a long time now. I'm not playing this game anymore Becky, you let me know where and when and I'll meet you but I'm not wasting my time and effort on you any longer.

I enjoy our get togethers Becky but not this part of them so I won't be setting up the place.

I call this type the Camp Director and I always have to fade away from them bc they drive me crazy with the control freak aspect.

Shes controlling

But this friend has made the plan. She’s discussed and agreed X with the OP. She might be a control freak too, but I think the reason she’s doing this is to put the OP in her place - ie below her.

This isn’t what a real friend does, OP.

I have a friend like this, she almost destroyed a whole friendship group with her behaviour.

She would make us change plans several times to suit her and then not show up at all. She did it every single time. It’s such a bad personality trait and we all have very little time for her now, if she shows up she does but we just meet up anyway now and ignore all this pre meet up antics.

one time she even changed the booking at the restaurant to another time and didn’t even consult with us. She just texted into the group ‘see you all at 6’ on the day and pretended that was the time we had agreed on. She is a total nightmare.

As pps say, are you wanting to continue the friendship? My cousin was also my best friend for many years as we grew up and into our 30s, 40s, but she always did what your friend did. She'd be livid if any of her friends ever cancelled on her or changed plans (I never did this, personally) but she ALWAYS pulled this shit on everyone else.

I put up with it because we were family, but when my own mother asked me why I was letting her do this, I stopped going out to meet up with her, and told her she could just pop by to the house. That way when she inevitably didn't show, at least I was safely at home and not stranded on some street corner like she left me so many times.

In your shoes, if she can't give a satisfactory answer as to why she's doing this, I would end the friendship.

As for my cousin, I no longer speak to her.

Can’t you say something like, “it’s probably best if you just make the booking, to save changing it later on.”

Not confrontational at all, but makes the point pretty clearly.

Anyway, YANBU, and her need for control needs to be studied!

When your friend says she needs to change it, you reply "Oh that doesn't suit me. Never mind, we won't bother this time".

How far in advance are you booking stuff? Personally I like to eat where I fancy nearer the time which it sounds like your friend prefers too. Just let them make the bookings.

Oh really? Well never mind then. I fancy going to X, I'll go with you to (whatever their suggestion was) , some other time.

Let them make the plans and reservations then.