Why does friend always need to change the plans when I make the booking ?

[poshwellyboot]

every time I have plans with friend B and I make the booking - which is not that often - there is always something that inevitably needs changing for the booking due to B changing plans. I have booked restaurants in the past, that B has agreed we will go - most of these are our usual places - then B changes the plans so I have to unbook. We are due to see each other this Friday, I have booked a place that we agreed on .. B is now needing to change the plans and I have to undo the booking AGAIN. This seems to always happen when I make the booking. I never have a need to change plans and therefore the booking, when she has placed the booking. I am getting a bit fed up with it tbh.

AIBU ?

I want to say to B ''it seems that every time I make the booking you have a need to change the plans and I have to unbook/change the booking''. I wouldn't say that as I find it too confrontational

When you say you have to unbook, do you mean that friend B has made other plans so you need to reschedule your meet-up, or do you mean that you rebook because friend B isn't happy with your choice of venue?

Doesn't sound like the friend values the friendship, really.

Stop making plans with her.
That would drive me up the wall.

"I want to say to B ''it seems that every time I make the booking you have a need to change the plans and I have to unbook/change the booking''. I wouldn't say that as I find it too confrontational"

YANBU, but what would you like to happen?

If you want to carry on seeing her (is she just changing venue or time rather than cancelling on you?) then just make her make the booking.
Tell her it’s best she does it as you’ve needed to change it several times before.

She always needs to change plans you’re saying? Why? That’s annoying.

Personally I’d let that friendship fritter away, seems like friend B is a lot of hassle.

she is not cancelling, rather she has an alternative suggestion to what we agreed eg I booked restaurant A, which we will have both agreed on, and nearer the time she then says ''lets go to restaurant D' for a change. She will book D, but then I have to cancel A.

I am getting fed up with changing the bookings .. which I am now having to do for Fridays booking I have made

I want to say to B ''it seems that every time I make the booking you have a need to change the plans and I have to unbook/change the booking''. I wouldn't say that as I find it too confrontational

Well you are just going to have to carry on booking/unbooking things then.

Nobody has a magic spell for you.

She’s agreeing to see you before knowing her availability which means she wants to see you but things sometimes come up.
No idea why this is a big problem OP irritating yes but hardly a reason to stop seeing her.

So say "Let's stick with A, I really fancy pizza/curry/whatever. But D looks good, maybe we can go there next time."

Stop letting her get away with it!

Leave the booking to her and dont book anything yourself

It’s control and seeing how compliant you will be. I had a friend who did this, I get stressed and anxious when plans change last minute so I eventually had to cut her off to protect my peace.

Yes, I have friends - and DH! - who I could imagine doing this but I'd just say "ah no it's all booked now, let's stick with the original plan".

Exactly, why are you allowing her to trample over what you’ve done? It’s very passive of you. Stick to your guns and tell her no.

Oh, she’s just being a pain and undermining your plan on purpose to see what you do and how you react

Not sure this is really a friend

some people are just a pain in the bum, though I don’t know

Let her do the booking, then if she wants to change it she'll have to do the cancellation. She might get fed up of doing that.

Do it back to her next time she books it and see how she likes it. Her reaction will be telling.

YANBU to be irritated by this

YABU for being to passive to say or do anything about it. She does it because you let her get away with it.

You have choices. You could:

• Say no actually I would like to stick with the original plan
• Go along for now but resolve never to be the one doing the booking in future
• Say nothing at all and continue to be messed about by her and quietly fume about it because you are to passive to assert yourself

Exactly. There's no point seething about it on the internet.

Some people have a pathological need to be in control and in charge.

One of my friends always, always wants me to offer dates for meeting up. She will never offer me dates. It’s so she can have the final decision and isn’t in any way left at the mercy of what others decide. One time I left a weekend away in a group a day early without telling her in advance and she went utterly batshit and refused to speak to me for six months. She’s just a bit damaged.

We have someone in our neighbours group who always, always needs to change the date of the pub meetup. Again it’s about control. It makes me laugh now I’ve come to expect it.

Get her to call and cancel the original booking as you are busy

Let her do the booking in future.

"I have noticed that every time I book anything, you change the plans - it is making me feel not respected and unimportant. Can we agree that once we have made a decision - we will stick with it... otherwise I think that you are going to have to make all the arrangements as I am not happy to be put into the place of apologising to others for cancelling all the time..."

if you can't have that kind of conversation - not a real friend.

Don't ask why she keeps doing it OP, ask why you keep allowing it. Try saying "no thanks I'd like to stick to what we agreed and booked". She can book her alternative suggestion when it's her turn.

Otherwise, just let her make the booking every time. If she questions why you're not taking a turn, tell her you're fed up with her keep changing her mind last minute.

If you both agreed on restaurant A (rather than you just deciding and telling her you booked it) then YANBU to find this annoying. It would irritate me as well. If she was happy with restaurant A when you agreed to meet up, there's no reason to insist on changing it.