To despair at the crap some people feed their kids

[Apotofrealcoffee]

Currently watching a kid who can’t be more than age 3, tuck in to a packet of ‘squashie’ sweets on the bus. No sign of a tantrum, kid seems perfectly happy looking out the window, but out come the sweets. And to pre empt the ‘snobbery’ thing, the parent seems middle class to me and certainly eloquent.

I regularly see kids tucking into chocolate bars, packets of crisps, lollies, all on the school run. Many of them toddlers in their buggies dropping off older siblings. Parents meeting kids at the school gate with full packets of Oreos, bottles of pop, doughnuts.

I’ve been trying not to judge for years and have been repeatedly told it’s ’just one snapshot of their day’ but honestly, I feel like the time for judgement has entered. I have never fed my toddlers crap like that, let alone just after breakfast. My 3 year old has never had a fizzy drink.

Why, just why! AIBU to feel there needs to be some kind of very direct public health campaign at this point? Maybe even a ‘no sweets at the school gate’ rule?

Oh come off it. A quarter of kids are obese. A quarter of kids are not having the difficulties your son is having and you know it.

Wheeling out the tiny violins and the "don't judge" nonsense is just enabling parents to act like obese children that are constantly eating rubbish is normal and not a problem, but it's not, and their kids are growing up sick with a lifetime of health problems ahead of them. Trying to pretend everyone is dealing with troubles like you are to wave away a whole health and obesity crisis is ridiculous.

I dont think chocolate buttons are a big deal, if it’s a small toddler packet every week or two. What I’m talking about are sweets - UPF, e number sweets - slushies and pop, on top of a diet of white bread and beige freezer food.

I’m not saying a packet of crisps once or twice a week, and a small packet of chocolate buttons, on top of the 20+ decent meals they’ve had is a bad thing. I do acknowledge kids need treats and relaxation

Yes, exactly. We discuss the issues surrounding it. No one is individually asked to prove what they have done to help personally prevent neglect when they threaten dis about a child who has been starved. But on a thread about obese children, we’re being told that it’s judgement and awful to talk about it unless we can prove what we have personally done.

Do you not see the difference in how we approach these issues? Because that is a societal problem in itself. It’s ok to discuss abuse when it’s a starved child. But it’s not ok to discuss abuse when it’s an obese child. Because “fat shaming and judgment.”

My comments haven’t been about dentistry or obesity. I don’t think what that child was eating on that bus was any of your business and shaming them online is at best pointless at worst damaging to society.
I think people use “health” as a faux concern to allow them to point and judge and feel superior to others.
And I have mainly been commenting about the fact that moralising certain foods results in unhealthy relationships with food, and that shaming people can lead to disordered eating, both of which have massive impact on both weight and health at both ends of the spectrum.

I wonder if it's also cultural; I've spent a lot of time in France and Spain and kids are not fed the same amount of sweets/junk food I noticed.

Do you have an overweight child?

I do a lot of work with organisations that work with people living in poverty and food poverty who lack education and skills to know how to eat better. There are lots of opportunities to volunteer or retrain for careers that educate and assist people around these issues.

I know rolling up your sleeves isn't as satisfying as hoiking up your bosoms and being superior on Mumsnet, but maybe something to look into if you're seriously concerned, OP?

But you genuinely don’t know what their life looks like? Honestly, I am a lentil loving vegan wellbeing yoga nerd- and I don’t let my kids eat all sorts (eg would never give them a slushy) But you wouldn’t know that to see me giving my child sweets at the playground every day. So who are you to judge? My child is not obese but if they were I still wouldnt begrudge them the sweets if they were the thing getting them to meet the school goals but i bet people would have something to say about it.

I don’t disagree that there are people who give their children a terrible diet.. but the thing I take issue with is acting like avoiding certain foods makes you morally superior. I can’t even be angry at these parents, more at the lack of education, time and resources available to families to benefit the lives of their kids

This is a strange viewpoint. If tooth decay was lower, it wouldn't increase the numbers of another cause of hospital admissions, it would just mean it was the highest.
So if there was 10 for tooth decay and 6 for appendicitis, less tooth decay would just push appendicitis up the list but not increase the numbers.

General anaesthetic is serious whatever the age and not something to be undertaken lightly. (I think maybe you didn't see/consider the general anaesthetic part of the post?)

We are trying to do everything in moderation.

How much is too much? I just had a google because I don't know the answer. Apparently its when junk food makes up more than 10-20% of your total calorie intake. That seems like a massive amount to me. So I guess by a lot of people's standards our toddler isn't having that much.

I do acknowledge kids need treats and relaxation
but when I see them having it on the bus I will start a judgy thread about it anyway

This

Squashies for a toddler at 9am? Yep absolutely

Indeed. My DD told me she had a slice of bread and some sweets yesterday after she’d met her friends for a walk. I did tell her she needs to be eating better than that but had jacket potato, chicken and salad for dinner. It’s hard. Also you probably would’ve been one of the ones judging me when age 2 we went past Greggs and she had a tantrum over a sausage roll 🙄

Christ on a bike, have a treat after gymnastics with a side order of “it may be delicious, but it’s shit”.

I agree. I even see parents literally trying to persuade their kids to want some sweets.

But approximately 6% of children under 18 live in poverty in Sweden as compared to around 30% in the UK. Surely that's the real difference?

She’s just educating her child! her kid has a right to know about her own body and parents should not gatekeep information about how to be healthy.

I think she did well.

Life is better if you assume the best in people.

Then you won't walk around feeling so pissed off about something that has no impact on you.

Your mean streak still came out (even though I agree with the overall spirit of your post).

The thing we can personally do is the opposite of judgment and fat shaming.

As people and as a society, we need to accept that shame isn’t a positive driving force for change. It creates more problems.

It’s absolutely fine to discuss neglect in all its forms, but what constitutes neglect for some people on this forum is utterly ridiculous, and yes shaming of other parents.

Just on here we’ve had “squashies, no; chocolate buttons, yes”, demonising anything that isn’t houmous and apple, and children described I horrible terms. How is that in any way contributing to a discussion about how, as a society, we help to change eating habits?

Demonising people doesn’t inspire them to change their behaviour - even if you wouldn’t behave in the way they do there are usually reasons for what they do, beyond can’t be arsed.

Louder for the cheap seats at the back….None 👏🏻 of 👏🏻 your 👏🏻 business

I live in portugal which is one of the poorest countries in western europe and the children here aren’t constantly given sugary foods.

I was shocked (in a good way) to see the nurseries provide lunch every day of vegetable soup, plus something like fish + rice. plain yoghurt and fruit for dessert.

The population here has an amazing attitude towards nutrition and food despite not having the wealth of the uk.

The problem is cultural.

Public health epidemics are absolutely society’s business. Do you have an overweight child?